I visited an attraction yesterday with two other mums and their children. So 6 children in total between ages 2-7.At the end, we visited the gift shop before spending half an hour in the play park by the exit. The other children chose various toys, pencils, usual gift shop tat. I've always been very strict with DD and gift shops, as she finds them a bit overwhelming and we don't have the money to buy from them every time we are out. However I gave her a few pounds and eventually she chose some sweets.
So we all started walking towards the park, and the children were all clutching the things they'd bought and showing each other, and one of the little girls asked DD for a sweet. DD hasn't opened them, she was just holding them, and she told the little girl this nicely. The little girl went up to her mum and said "DD won't share her sweets with me". Her mum turned to DD and said quite loudly "Of course she will, I'm sure DD doesn't mind sharing them around, do you DD?"
At this point I could see tears welling in DD's eyes and she looked really uncomfortable, so I said "oh, sorry but I think she's saving them for later". DD nodded, so I asked would she like to keep them in my bag, and she did. The mum looked really miffed, and the little girl became quite cross and did the whole "it's not faaaair, she has sweeeeeeties".
I did wonder if I should make DD share, but she was the only child who had bought sweets, and if she shared with one child she'd have to share with the rest, leaving DD with almost nothing, while the other children had their items intact. This didn't seem fair to me, a lot of the children had been bought quite big items too, soft toys etc.
During the rest of the time at the park, this little girl kept glaring at DD, going over and muttering to her mum, and at one point came over to hover near me, staring pointedly at my bag.
On the way home in the car, DD was a bit quiet. I asked her if she was OK, and she said X had come up to her in the park and said she was mean for not sharing. I told her she wasn't mean, because all the other children had chosen to buy toys instead of sweets and nobody was asking them to share their bouncy balls, pencils etc. We had a chat about how sometimes we should share but sometimes it's OK not to, as long as we are polite about it.
I am on a WhatsApp group with the other mums, and that evening there were the usual "what a lovely day" comments, however the mum of the child who had asked for the sweets then made a comment along the lines of "hope chocolate's DD enjoyed her sweets, X was upset all the way home that she wouldn't share, I had to stop at the garage and buy her some, lol!" lots of smiley faces, but I felt it was passive aggressive. I just messaged back saying "well, DD only got that little packet of sweets and I'd rather she didn't eat them so close to teatime" and left it at that. I can see the other mum has read the message but hasn't replied since.
So was I right to not make DD share? She's an only child but certainly not spoilt, and we've never had any problems with her sharing toys etc. She's quite quiet and more likely to give something up to a more demanding child. I feel I was right to stick up for her, I'm all for sharing but not when it means handing over the one thing you have to others who already have plenty. Am prepared to be told I am BU though.