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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think some rescue centres make it a bit too hard to adopt a dog

106 replies

Blackheartz · 18/02/2018 13:41

No young children
No working outside of the home.

Which essentially leaves SAHPs who have older kids, and people who have retired.

Obviously, they have to ensure the dogs go to good homes, I get that. But it does make me wonder how anybody manages to adopt a dog!

OP posts:
SharonMott · 18/02/2018 16:04

Wow Bumpowder so my friends experience is bullshit because you have had a better experience of the Dog's Trust. Okaaaaay.

ExFury · 18/02/2018 16:07

There's a cat rescue place near us that has criteria so tight/weird that I doubt anyone has ever adopted a cat from.

Our elderly cat passed away last January, he was the last of a trio of brothers I'd had since they were kittens. In the summer we decided to get another cat or pair of cats.

I work from home. The 3 kids are all teenagers. DH works partly from home. We have a spare room that is affectionately nicknamed "the cat's room". We also have an outdoor 'catio' as one of our old boys was blind, but loved being outside so DH built it so he could do so safely. Our house is on a v.quiet street and we have fields at the back so an outdoor cat could go exploring.

They said no. Not "we've not go anything suitable". Just no, and they don't give feedback on applications either so we've no idea why.

Mentioned it in passing when we took MIL's dog to the vet and our vet happened to know three kittens in need of a home so now we have them tearing around the place instead.

BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot · 18/02/2018 16:10

Yes. Because they are pretty standard over all their rescue centres. All they want to know is if you have a secure fenced in back garden, know how to care for the dog you've picked and aren't going to be out for long periods of time. It's not arduous!

Samewitches · 18/02/2018 16:22

Our dog died last year, very old, rescue dog who came from a private arrangement and had a lot of issues at first but I and then we when I met DH worked through them, 15 years I had her and 13 years with us together. I contacted a specific breed rescue about a specific dog and the man called me back. Didn't want to match that dog or any other from his small rescue to our family which is fine, we chatted and I said I understood as we have 2 under 5 it was entirely understandable that they didn't want to. But then he started on at me about not buying a puppy, we couldn't cope with it with such small children. That a dog should be watched around children all the time, I couldn't turn my back and go off cooking. Also that if we were unwell and had 2 kids to deal with we still needed to walk the dog etc, he was really really patronising! I told him I had no interest in buying a bloody puppy, we would only ever rescue. But either way, we HAD a dog who had died and she was taken out whether we were sick/ hungover (pre dc's!) or whatever. My old dog was always watched around my dd and if it wasn't possible they were gated off away from each other. It really annoyed me how patronising he was, like I didn't know how to keep my own dog/ children safe and happy!

Blackheartz · 18/02/2018 16:23

Obviously some people will be unsuitable. But I do think your attitude towards your pet is more important than your circumstances.

OP posts:
Youllneverweealone · 18/02/2018 16:35

I live on a busy-ish road, but house is set back with big run of gardens that back onto each other.

Local cat rescue wouldn't consider us due to road but Cats Protection were fine. Home visit was very low key too, no big inspection. We took on two 12 week old kittens for a £45 adoption fee. This included first vaccinations and neutering -
compared to some fees I've seen on here we got a real bargain!

Shambolical1 · 18/02/2018 16:40

This question comes up time after time and winds me right up, along with the 'rescues make loads of money, getting dogs for nothing and selling them on' quote.

Many people successfully adopt dogs. Most rescues work on a dog-by-dog basis so that being turned down for one does not necessarily mean you will be turned down for another.

When it comes down to it, the rescue has a far more realistic view of the chances of a successful adoption than the potential adopter, because the rescue is dealing with the results of failed ownership twenty four hours a day and seven days a week. They know exactly what they don't want to happen next.

They don't want to add the upset and trauma of a failed adoption to those of failed ownership; not for the adopters and certainly not for the dog. They want to get it right first time so they can go on and help another dog.

No potential adopter ever thinks they could be anything other than the perfect home and even going by the law of averages, let alone probability, this can't be true. Neither does the perfect dog exist.

Rescues have heard all the good intentions. They've also heard all the excuses. They develop a sense of which potential adopters will stay true to their intentions and which won't. At some point, a line has to be drawn, under which applications will be turned down.

Blanket bans are actually pretty rare and when they exist it's for good - and mainly safety - reasons. Sometimes it's for ethical reasons. A rescue which is anti-hunting is unlikely to re-home a dog to somebody who might hunt with it, for example.

Most rules come about through bitter experience. If you read through 'The Doghouse' here the same issues come up time and time again and it's the causes of those issues which can result in potential adopters being turned down. Just because you know someone who managed perfectly well in those circumstances does not mean everybody else - or indeed anybody else - will. The dog they apply to adopt may have come from just such a problem. There has to be a lowest common denominator.

Sure you can buy a pup from a breeder but (a) there are far too many pups being bred for far too many of the wrong reasons by far too many of the wrong people and bought in the wrong way, despite the advice plastered all over the place and (b) you still don't have a guarantee that the pup will turn out how you want. It might still grow up and bite your kids or chase your cat.

You could also buy (not 'rescue', please: buy) a dog from Gumtree, or similar. If so, please get very good at reading between the lines of the adverts, because you'll have no back-up. The number of calls rescues take from people who have 'rescued' a dog from Gumtree etc. but 'can no longer keep it' is enormous. Many poor animals go round and round the internet sites, getting more and more damaged each sale. You might be lucky, of course...

To buy a pup from a decent breeder might involve waiting and will almost certainly involve lots of questions from the breeder, possibly a homecheck, to see if they think you're suitable.

To get a dog from a proper rescue organisation will involve questions and homechecks also. You might need to wait for the right dog if the rescue doesn't think you're a match at first try.

Or you can cut corners either way and risk increasing the rescue burden, whatever.

Scabbersley · 18/02/2018 16:50

A rescue which is anti-hunting is unlikely to re-home a dog to somebody who might hunt with it, for example

Huh?

Halie · 18/02/2018 16:52

I've experienced this. Dogstrust stuck their noses up at us and were actually extremely rude. We went to a locally run shelter instead and that's where I got my dog who I've had for 6 years now - he's moved homes with me, he's gone on (uk) holiday's with me, he's climbed mountains, hiked the coast, walked on lovely sandy beaches, gone to dog friendly cafes, met my family/friends dogs and had doggy play dates, gets a dog friendly birthday meal each year, and eats vet prescribed expensive diet.
He has about 4 of his own beds (always sleeps on my bed though, ha!), a box full of toys, winter coats with collars to match, and is regularly groomed and walked. I can't have kids so he's my baby and he gets treated to everything. When I got him he was a mess physically and mentally - he gorgeous now, lovely thick glossy fur and always clean and smelling nice and he's learned basic commands. The place I got him from didn't even do a home check - I left with him from the center on the same day I met him, they couldn't get rid of him quick enough. I don't quite agree with that but the other extreme is just as bad - Dogs Trust were just very judgmental and overly strict. When he passes away I probably won't get another for a few years because he's one of a kinds and I can't imagine another best friend like him but I'd also need to be emotionally robust enough to contend with dealing with all the messing around and hoop jumping of getting another rescue since I suspect the place I got him from has probably become stricter in the passing years.

Scabbersley · 18/02/2018 16:53

I think most people who want to to rescue a dog have heard plenty of awful stories too shambolical

It's so arrogant to assume you know best and cultivate a 'feeling' about people. This just means the same kindly middle class retired couple get to re-home all the dogs.

BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot · 18/02/2018 16:53

A sighthound rescue will insist that a dog with a strong prey drive is always muzzled for instance is what I think she's getting at.

BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot · 18/02/2018 16:54

What were they judgemental about? Was it a case of the dog you chose really wouldn't have been a good fit? We looked at a few dogs over a couple of centres and when we even so much as asked why a dog wasn't suitable for kids they shot us a "Why are you asking this?" Look. So we moved on and picked a different dog.

Twocatsonebaby · 18/02/2018 16:57

I wanted to adopt a kitten with one eye from the RSPCA. It said she could be around kids and needed an adult cat to be around. Which I have. Wouldn't let me adopt her. She's still there too. She missed out on a good home to their judgement. Ridiculous

Scabbersley · 18/02/2018 16:58

I think asking for financial details is just plain nosey.

Halie · 18/02/2018 17:02

@BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot Not sure if you were asking me or not but they were judgmental about my sexuality - I have no idea why that was relevant to adopting a dog at all. Was too mortified to complain. I just left and never went back. Really put me off - and I stopped donating to them too and now I donate to the local one instead. To be honest, if it happened to me now I would give them a real piece of my mind but at the time I was just shocked/embarrassed and had never experienced that before.

Scabbersley · 18/02/2018 17:04

Of course your sexuality isnt relevant!honestly, it's just a massive power trip for some of these people.

Jaxhog · 18/02/2018 17:11

Trouble is, there are a lot of naive and irresponsible pet owners out there. Many of these dogs (and cats) have come from a troubled home where there were not well looked after. The RSPCA are primarily concerned with the animals, not the potential owners., As they rightly should be. Having said that, we've adopted 5 cats (including a feral kitten) from the RSPCA and other rescue places and never had a problem. The home visit may feel intrusive, but they need to know the animal will be safe and won't be returned.

Scabbersley · 18/02/2018 17:14

How do they know the animal will be safe? What are they looking for? Naice furniture? A cleaner? French windows onto the terrace?

Blackheartz · 18/02/2018 17:27

Well, exactly. What sort of sense about people?

OP posts:
meredintofpandiculation · 18/02/2018 17:33

We are turned down because of proximity to main road (despite the fact all our cats spend all their time in the huge area of wild bird-rich, mammal-rich wasteland behind the house; current cats (which we've had from kittens) are 14,14 and 9. I've never quite understood why a happy life with a small chance of death on a road is considered a worse outcome than either being PTS or left in unsatisfactory conditions because "we don't have any more room at present".

Shambolical1 · 18/02/2018 17:36

What's arrogant? The rescue is undoubtedly in the best position to know about their dog, and they do have to get a feel for people. I'm not saying they get it right in 100% of cases but they are doing it every day and they are dealing with the 'awful stories', not just hearing about them.

I never get this business of 'judgemental' being a bad thing. At some point, somebody has to judge: yes or no. How you do that without being judgemental I don't know. It's a word which has become misused, largely through forums like this. 'Don't judge me but...' almost certainly means the person posting is and knows they're going to be judged for something, in the same way that 'I'm not being horrible but...' always precedes somebody being horrible.

bertsdinner · 18/02/2018 17:42

I got my previous cat from the RSPCA. I was initially turned down, as the woman felt I worked too long (9 to 5). They rang me back later as the supervisor felt the woman had got attached to him as he had been in the shelter a long time, and was being a bit over picky because of this. She did also sort of imply being with me was not ideal but better than the shelter, plus he was old, not very pretty and had a bad chest so another/better offer was unlikely!
We had a very happy 4 years before he died.

I got my current cat from a local shelter/rescue after seeing him on their website. I handed over a donation and they handed him over, no checks etc. They wanted a £75 donation so I suppose if someone was up to no good/getting a pet on a whim, they are unlikely to hand over £75 for a black and white moggy. They are a proper, registered rescue, but I was a bit surprised he was handed over so easily.

crunchymint · 18/02/2018 17:51

Dogs should not be left at home alone all day.It is cruel. And because of their history, they are worried about dogs attacking and seriously injuring young kids.

crunchymint · 18/02/2018 18:01

I adopted some very neglected rabbits from a rescue. They had strict guidelines because these rabbits were terrified of people, were underweight and their long hair was in a terrible state. They needed a calm space with not much noise, someone who would meet a rabbits needs - and most rabbits are kept in too small a space, and someone who would both groom the rabbits regularly, and deal with the matted hair close to the skin that had to grow more to be dealt with - they were worried if they were shaved they would have a heart attack. They are now extremely loving, but the poor things were absolutely terrified of us for months. Young noisy kids would not have been in their best interest. The rescue was a no kill centre, and wanted to make sure they would be going to a good place.

SluttyButty · 18/02/2018 18:07

We did a private rescue, we’d both grown up with dogs and knew what they needed (I grew up with a rescue dog and cat). We went private because we were turned down by the big rescues due to my youngest being 5. Ours had had an awful life before us and thank god we took her rather than anyone less experienced, she had and still has serious food guarding issues but we accepted this was her and taught the children to give her space around her food. Anyone less experienced may have had trouble.
She’s a mostly happy old dog now having spent most of her life with us but she still can’t tolerate even seeing a cat or anyone walking past her food bowl.
We did have her history from birth though and knew exactly what had happened and at what age. The rescue she was put into at 4 months had written everything down.