Relationships with boss.

[BecomingAdultly]

I started a grad scheme only a few weeks ago and I seemed to have clicked with my boss. We're both in our early to mid twenties and serious about our respective jobs.

I really didn't want this to happen and I wasn't looking for a relationship with anyone but we just seem to have clicked. We send good morning messages and good night messages and everything in-between. We're hiding under the pretence of banter but he's just told me that he's broken up with his girlfriend of 6 years. We're struggling to keep things above board and I'm pretty sure others have already started to notice.

Should I take a step back from him?

I wouldn't step back, as long as you're professional at work there doesn't need to be any issues.

I married my boss many years ago and we have just had our first grand child.

Don't be a sucker. He probably does this to all the female grad students. Think you will be hot property on the other side?

I'm a firm believer in "don't shit where you eat"

It's your first professional position.

If the relationship DOES work out and of course then it'll become public at some point, there will be rumours of favouritism and you may even wonder yourself if anything positive career wise is due at least in part to this relationship.

If it DOESN'T work out you've then got a very awkward situation of seeing and dealing with someone daily who you have a negative personal history with. It could even negatively affect your career, even references.

Plus, have you even got proof he's split with his partner?

I'd be taking (or advising dd in this situation to take) a MASSIVE step back.

At this point in your career you don't need muddy waters.

Could there be an opportunity to move departments to a new project if you do go for it? If not, I wouldn’t. If it’s right, it can wait until you are more settled. A few weeks in is really early.

All very good points ladies, and ive been thinking the same.

I've actually taken his old job so he's been spending time with others showing me the ropes. Once I'm fully trained we'll still be in the same department just seeing him a lot less. He's also going to be starting his own department in another location next year.

He's deleted all his profile pictures with her in and gone to single on his Facebook. Not exactly proof but it's a statement at least.

It's so hard to take a step back as we see each other everyday and we've been doing a lot of travelling/work trips. But I'm taking this role seriously as it's a brilliant company. I think I need to cut off out of hours contact.

Interestingly - I rarely know about the love life of any of my bosses.

BECAUSE I HAVE PROFESSIONAL BOUNDARIES.

Honestly it will put you in good stead to have them from the get go.

I'm now married to someone I worked for, we've been together 10 years. However, there's a difference in that we didn't get together properly until I left my job for another, although we knew we'd get together sooner or later.

I'd also had a previous relationship with another man I worked with and, when it ended, it was quite hard for me to take being blanked by him. I guess my advice would be only to go ahead and see if there's a chance of a relationship if you're sure you can handle still working together if it doesn't work out, now or at some stage in the future. I think we need to be pretty strong to be able to do that

I'm not one who believes you should never have a relationship with a colleague. I've met nearly all of the men I was involved with in the past through work. After all, we spend a big part of our lives there. We just need to trust in ourselves that we're honest & grown up enough and don't do anything like mess about with the other person's wages, badmouthing etc.

There is probably an HR relationships at work policy. Generally it would considered unprofessional in the field I work in to have a relationship with your boss but very unprofessional indeed to initiate a relationship with someone you line manage.

Oops - yep also true. Sometimes it's against the rules in some workplaces.