Sympathies

3 replies

Rex27 · 17/02/2018 23:17

Someone close to me died - she was our housekeeper growing up... a huge part of our family. I was much closer to her than my surviving parent. Anyone who knows me well knows this.

My husbands family have not been in touch at all. No 'sorry for your loss'.. no text to offer support. They didn't go to the funeral.

I'm so cross. They know we were close. I think it's so rude. I really want to exit the WhatsApp group. They don't care about me at all.

OP posts:

willstarttomorrow · 17/02/2018 23:27

Your grief is very raw and you are very angry. This is normal. A lot of people do not know how to deal with grief and I was very suprised when DH died about various people's reactions. Some of those closet to me were no good at all whilst some less close have become amazing friends. His family (and our DD's) basically left us to it. Try not to focus on the anger you feel for them and look after yourself. It takes a while.

expertonnothing · 18/02/2018 04:20

I had an experience very similar to this several years ago when my "second mother" died.

My in laws never mentioned it and then had the absolute cheek to say that i wasn't paying them enough attention

Needless to say, I have very little to do with any of my husband's family bar my MIL who I've made amends with. The rest of them I just tolerate when I'm in their company.

MsSquiz · 18/02/2018 08:01

I can definitely relate to this DH's sister (who also happens to be a Vicar) never once asked after my Mam when she was in and out of hospital suffering from bowel cancer. Yet the day my DM died, she thought it was appropriate to call round to our house (uninvited), bring funeral brochures for her chosen funeral home (even though I said I'd be using a different one), told us she had rang the crem for the first available slot and offered to do the service!

I just ignored everything she had to say and then told DH she wouldn't have any involvement in any of it - although I eventually repent and said she could do a reading.

On the day of the funeral DH's brother and his wife had tears in their eyes as they arrived at the crem and she went over to them to ask what was wrong... and at the wake she proceeded to tell me how upsetting the day had been for her husband who had lost his dad when he was 6... I just looked at her blankly and walked away! I was 30 years old and an only child to a single mother and she had not a single word of comfort to give me... that was the moment I realised we would never have anything more than a "polite acquaintance" type of relationship

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