To wonder why my male neighbours never talk to me.

[Mummybo88]

It’s getting ridiculous! We moved onto a new build estate recently. I have bumped into both our next door neighbour and his wife as well as the couple across the road and we have had a nice chat/ introduced ourselves. However my problem is that when my DH isn’t with me, the husbands of both couples will completely blank me/avoid making eye contact. What on earths going on? I’ve been very polite to them when I’ve met them both. It’s very odd! Any ideas? I feel like a bit of an idiot in all honesty, looking over to say hello and being totally blanked. I’m at a loss.

The angst over neighbours on MN never fails to amaze me.

I couldn't give a dam whether mine talk to me or not... seriously, who cares?!

They are badly brought up / have no manners.

I am pretty unsociable. Wouldn't talk to neighbours unless I absolutely had to.

The situation you just described would not come under having to speak. I would just ignore you. I am not remotely interested in making small talk with neighbours.

HTH

I think it's maybe because women feel more pressure to talk to each other and engage in small talk. I hate small talk. I hate chatting to neighgbours or other mums at the school gate. I enjoy my friends and like talking with them, but it's the passing small talk I hate. But I feel like there's more pressure on women to engage in that. I think most guys probably don't so much feel that pressure and so when confronted with a situation when there might be small talk (with a woman), they tend to just avoid. Whereas with other men, they know they can say hello and then that's it and they don't get pressured into more conversation than that. There's a dad at the school gates that I know quite well (he's the dad of my dd's best friend). But when I'm there alone we almost never talk to each other, whereas I feel pressured to talk to the other mums. When my dh is there with me or he does the school run alone, they always say hey to each other (even though they know each other less well that we do). I think it's because they're guys and they can say hey and then there's little social pressure to carry on talking.

Well... hate to say it but there's also the option that they might not actually like you that much?

So don't sweat it I mean

i would 'over the top cheery' hello!

I find it's generally the wives/female partners who chat with the neighbours. The husbands/male partners would generally be happy to ignore the neighbours unless there's an actual reason to talk.

They probably hate small talk so don't want to start a conversion with you. I'm similar. Dh talks to everyone and is friendly with all our neighbours. I say hi if I look directly at them but often say nothing and I don't carry on and have random conversations if we do happen to see each other. I know I'm a misery guts in most people's book but I hate talking for the sake of it and wish more people were comfortable with silence .

They probably just don't like you.

I had this in my last house but the opposite way round. No idea why. I was never particularly friendly with the attached neighbours, but the husband and even the awkward teen boy would say hello when they saw me. The woman totally blanked me and my toddler. It seemed to be solely directed at me as she was chatty enough with other neighbours. I put a Christmas card through one year with their names on and she acknowledged me from then, presumably felt guilty about still ignoring me.

The woman on the other side was even more odd. Her and her husband were around my age, early twenties, and her husband was a really friendly guy, so he would chat in the street and make a fuss of my son. If I said hello to them both she would turn her back to me, or walk back inside or something. It was really obvious and I have no idea why. She would also ignore the door if I knocked it, even when I was trying to tell her that her rabbits had escaped into my garden, which wasn’t secure. They divorced not long after so perhaps she was just unhappy in general.

I was a single parent living on benefits for a little while, so I think it’s likely they were judging me based on that.

Believe it or not, but some men are actually aware that their presence can make a lone women uncomfortable, the sort who will cross to the other side of the road if they realise they are following a women on a pavement as an example.

Yes, I'm like this and I do this.

The "don't like you" brigade are showing themselves up.

How can you write someone off after a cursory chat? What could the op possibly have said to warrant such a reaction? Plus there are lots of people I don't particularly like but still smile and say good morning as does everyone else who is normal.

"How can you write someone off after a cursory chat? What could the op possibly have said to warrant such a reaction?"

I've written someone off quickly if they've made it clear that they are a gossip, or judgemental. A quick chat can show up both.

I don't do small talk, so avoid neighbours. You can't just say Hello to some people, they want to chat. Its only elderly people living alone that I make the exception for.

I think men talk about stuff rather than making polite conversation, say about the weather.
So next time keep drill/ motorbike helmet/ garden loppers/ paintbrush handy to wave at them when they appear, see if that works.

So you blank people you have had conversations with birds? How extraordinarily rude.

I will actively avoid going outside if me neighbours are out there cos I'm an antisocial fuck and I'm still embarassed about writing off neighbour's car

God some of you are worse than my kids. First trip alone to shops. On return I asked if they had seen anyone they knew. Dd1 "yes, x's mum from school". Me "did you say hello?". Dd2 "no we hid behind a van". Social skills still work in progress...

I talk to neighbours if there is a need to, but not otherwise.

Me: "Hello, I understand you took in a parcel for me?"
Blokeacrossroad: "Yes, here it is."
Me: "That's great, thanks so much, I really appreciate it."
Blokeacrossroad: "No problem at all. bye."
Me: "Bye"

Next time I come out of my house and he comes out his house at the same time, we don't make eye contact and don't speak. There is no need to. I am quite sure neither of us finds the other rude. It's the same situation with all my neighbours tbh, and I never see anyone standing around chatting. I am on South Coast though so maybe it's a southern thing?

Why do they have to say hello to you, why don't you say hello to them?

One of my neighbours used to be a bit odd with me and avoid eye contact, I was confused until DH remembered that he'd had a one night stand with her back in his single days, poor lass was obviously a bit embarrassed. I was friendly and made it plain I didn't care and we all get along great these days, she even made me a casserole when I had my DC.
Is there any chance you had a drunken encounter with either of them and forgotten OP?

I hate small talk and so does my husband. I will if I have to and am always polite. My husband will actively avoid eye contact etc, turn away. It’s not got anything to do with his feelings about a person he just can’t be arsed (and is rude). I am thinking these neighbours are the same. It ain’t you!

I’m antisocial around my neighbours. I avoid it. I hate it.

Mummy, hi , sometimes other people's behaviour is completely unfathomable. I have similar with my neighbours since I moved in about a year ago and the males are worse, usually completely blank me.

I've given up worrying about any of them, male or female, I just want to live my own life now. I'm polite and friendly (not overly, don't talk others socks down, just a friendly hello will do) , if other people don't want to be, so be it, their loss. I suggest you take a similar outlook and don't waste brain power on them.

I get not wanting to make small talk and bring anti social but a smile and a good morning is all that's needed. Blanking people you have previously spoken to is utterly cringeworthy in anyone over the age of 12.