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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What should I do?

15 replies

BrownEyedGirlv2point0 · 16/02/2018 16:31

I have a friend who is clearly trying to cut me and several of our mutual friends out of her life but she keeps in contact with my sister and has actually gotten closer to her. It isn't because any of us have done anything terrible to her but one of us discovered that she's been trying to fade out of our group of friends is probably because her parents divorced and she does not want us to know about it. She has always tried to portray that she has a perfect life. The other speculation is that because she is the last one out of our group of friends to get married. My sister is not married and actually has a lot of health issues which brings me to my actual AIBU question.

My sister's health has been declining for a long time and she is normally in and out of the hospital for various reasons and sometimes that is because she has pneumonia. She's been in the hospital since Tuesday of last week. Thursday her condition worsened and they decided to put her on a ventilator. They have also sedated her so she has not been awake for a little over a week now.

My friend, let's call her Christine, in the past has said some strange things to me in the past. For example: I was planning a baby shower for one of our other friends who wanted me to invite Christine's sister whose phone or address I did not have. I texted Christine to get her address so I could send her an invitation. The response I got from her was "if someone asks you for my address do not give it to them, have them ask me directly." Meanwhile, I'm wondering what she's thinking and I said "Ok. But can you give me your sisters address so I can send her an invitation to the baby shower?" and she again responds with "If someone asks you for my address do not give it to them". So, rather than telling me she doesn't want to give me her sisters address she just repeated that weird thing. I ended up going on FB to message her sister and get her address from her. It was just bizarre behavior but it has happened multiple times and not just to me.

Anyway, I just received a text from her. It has been at least two months since I last saw her and that was because I think she felt obligated as another mutual friend was in town and wanted to see us both at the same time. Her text to me said "How's it going? Is everything ok with Bri? I haven't heard back from her this week and her phone went straight to voicemail." That was about 30 minutes ago.

AIBU to not want to reply or if I do to not give her any details on her condition? Wednesday was so bad that our family thought she was dying as that is what one doctor made us believe. I want to be a bigger person and not stoop down to her level with something I think she would reply with if I were to send her a text like that about one of her family members which would go something along the lines of "If I am in the hospital and someone asks you how I'm doing, have them call me directly." Obviously my sister cannot answer or talk on the phone as she is on a ventilator and is sedated.

If my sister pulls through I wouldn't want her to know I said something like that as she doesn't know why I don't keep contact with Christine anymore. So what is the appropriate response here?

I'm normally a very logical person but I am under so much stress worrying about what is going to happen to my DS that all logic has left my head.

OP posts:
Angrybird345 · 16/02/2018 16:38

I would ignore her for the moment, she sounds like she wants to be close to someone who is worse off than her so she can feed off their drama.

Bluntness100 · 16/02/2018 16:39

Go high.

"Bri is still in hospital recieiving treatement at the moment. I shall let her know uou asked after her"

Hope your sister gets better soon. 💐

BrownEyedGirlv2point0 · 16/02/2018 16:45

Oh thank you so much @Angry and @Blunt! I let her wait a bit before responding and that does sound like a good response when I do.

OP posts:
Lipniki · 16/02/2018 16:47

Just ignore the text. She has made it perfectly clear she is not, and does not want to be your friend. You have far bigger things on your mind to give her any headspace.
Hope your sister gets better.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 16/02/2018 16:47

I would ignore it at the moment. You have enough on your plate to be dealing with this sort of head fuckery. I can't believe how stressful it must be

Take care and best wishes for your sister Flowers

Pleasebeafleabite · 16/02/2018 16:51

I am sorry about your sister Flowers

It must be a stressful time for you but I think your friendship issues should be put on one side if she is close to your sister

Let her know how she is OP. Why do you need to make her wait

Trialsmum · 16/02/2018 16:51

Ignore her and concentrate on your sister. I hope she’s better soon!

Oooeeeerrrrrindeed · 16/02/2018 16:59

I'd take the high ground. She might not be your friend but is asking how your sister is. Respond as you would to a neighbour.

BrownEyedGirlv2point0 · 16/02/2018 17:03

You're all absolutely right even though there are some contradictions. All these thoughts are what goes through my head as well and I flip flop on my thoughts. This is exactly what she's doing to me. It is head fuckery and it is driving me mad. It's just so easy to know what to say to normal people as I can have totally normal interactions with them but her bizarre behavior just throws me off.

OP posts:
Lipniki · 16/02/2018 17:15

Block her number. No more fuckwittery.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/02/2018 17:18

I hope your sister gets better, OP.

I would text what Bluntness suggested then ignore her.

BrownEyedGirlv2point0 · 16/02/2018 18:01

Thank you so much for everyone's well wishes. I do hope she feels better soon as well.

I did respond to her text with Bluntness's suggestion and she immediately wrote back "Aww I thought something was up. Thanks." then followed with "How are you guys doing? Ready for spring?"

I know she probably doesn't realize the severity of the situation but it just seems so insincere. I know she doesn't really care how we are doing or if we're ready for spring (whatever that means anyway). This is a girl who laughed about one of our close friends dying in a car accident when we were 16.

OP posts:
LoveB · 16/02/2018 18:05

Just ignore her now OP. Hope your sister gets better

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 16/02/2018 18:18

I would ignore now too. Maybe you can temporarily block her for a while (or just block her). You don't need this right now.
You've told her about your sister. You've risen above it all. Now just take care of yourself Flowers

emmyrose2000 · 17/02/2018 07:10

"Aww I thought something was up. Thanks."

She didn't even say something along the lines of wishing your sister well? That's not a normal response to hearing someone's in hospital - unless you are completely self centred and/or a bit unhinged.

This is a girl who laughed about one of our close friends dying in a car accident when we were 16
Shock That's sick.

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