To ask for your help and reassurance ?

[mrsdoublebarrel]

My toddler is 2 and a bit now, and has taken to hitting, and scratching any child who comes within half a metre of him as I think he believes it's invading his space and they will do something to him.
It's fucking well infurriaing , getting complaints from management at softplays etc , I want to throttle him every time it happens.

This was never a problem years ago, if you were hit you just hit back , in a sort of Lord of the Flies situation. I wish kids were left to
Sort things out between themselves.

What can I do about this? We do time out, we tell him not to hit etc.
I have a lot going on and this is just adding to the pressure. HELP.

@MsJaneAusten cinema with an active toddler , as a bit of downtime?! Bizarre suggestion.

I try to not get shouty but find it hard when the same thing happens again and again , and I end up dreading every day. I actively avoid being out and about with him and dc2 , as he is just impossible sometimes.
Re: contact, I persist with it only because I need a days break every so often from DC1, contact is all over the place, he doesn't give a jot about changing it however he fancies. Disruptive to both DC1 routine and my routine too (if I'd like to work for example or plan anything!)

And @wowbutter I have given up really , I can't be bothered with any of it anymore. I don't know if I can spread myself any more thinly to be honest.

Do you have any other type of support? Do you have friends or family nearby? I know it's very difficult but look at the next 4 months and consider that you will be doing all of the childcare without any support from their dad. That way you know it's down to you and you won't feel let down by the lack of contact and take comfort in knowing that you are fully in control of the kids.
I completely agree with PP who have said that softplay doesn't seem like the right environment for your DS and do take comfort in the knowledge that he doesn't do it at nursery. It will be a phase - most kids go through some type of version of it to differing degrees.

I totally know what you mean when you say leave the kids to sort it out because I sometimes do this at home but this is between siblings and they are older and more likely to resolve the conflict. At 2 and in a softplay with younger kids I don't think it's possible.
Best of luck x

@mrsdoublebarrel I would say that's your main issues then, not he behaviour, which can be fixed.
I work in Sen support and try my best to support mums, specifically, but all family members in times of crisis.
First step would be for you to identify if there are any avenues of support you haven't accessed? You said there was a terminal illness, so are carers resource involved? Perhaps a bereavement charity who could support your son? There's some pre bereavement work that may be beneficial.
Did I miss who it is with the terminal illness?
Are there any soft plays near you that are larger, or more outdoors? Where yo r ds may have more space to play?
Do you access the free fifteen hours for him?

When he acts up, does it upset you? You said you wanted to throttle him, is that because you are so stressed no burnt out, or embarrassed or just st the end of your tether?

Please don't beat yourself up. Parenting is hard work without a crap dad, terminal illness and normal toddler behaviour.

Ok then, I won’t bother with any more ‘bizarre suggestions’ and I’ll just leave you to piss people off at soft play and get pissed off yourself when they raise it with you. Have fun.

Imagine this: At soft play, your child hits Billy because he's in his 'space' and Billy follows on to hit him 4 times as hard, in the face, in his tummy, across his neck... How will that feel for you?

That's what 'leaving them to sort it out' looks like to me.

Perhaps prevent your child from hitting another by being firm - or don't take him to soft play.