Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it him or me or us both?

18 replies

SpicedGirl · 16/02/2018 11:01

Stress between me and Dh been brewing for months...
We’ve been together for years and been good.
For last since mid Nov he’s been unwell quite bad at first like flu it meant we had cancel quite a few things we’d planned but I looked after him and dc and house and had to do all my uni work inbtween everything else. It carried on through Xmas and ny feels sick in mornings to the extent we haven’t been able go out until late afternoon but it’s not as bad when he’s at work apparently so that’s not been impacted. He’s finally went back to gp and pushed for tests they’ve all come back normal so I’m thinking it must be psychological not physical I’m trying to be sympathetic but I’m resentful that he’s not actively wanting things to improve and take ownership it’s me pushing him to go docs etc.
He’s been snappy with me and speaking to me disrespectful I think eg just asked him who was texting him on his day off and his response was fgs if I asked you every time you’re on your phone that’s all we’d ever talk about’ why not just say Work.
I’m a sahm and dependant on him.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 16/02/2018 11:04

Sounds like it's him, do you think maybe he's depressed though and that's manifesting physically?

Original poster
SpicedGirl · 16/02/2018 11:09

Yes depressed or stressed maybe and that impacting in his health?

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 16/02/2018 11:11

But was it his work that was texting him?

Trinity66 · 16/02/2018 11:11

Could be but he has to acknowledge that because as much as I sympathise with that, you can't just be his punching bag either

Original poster
SpicedGirl · 16/02/2018 11:14

Yep was Work but a general job query nothing particularly stressful

OP posts:
niceupthedance · 16/02/2018 11:17

Sounds like cbt could be helpful in this case?

Original poster
SpicedGirl · 16/02/2018 11:37

Yes think it will be a slow process maybe I need to think about giving up my ma then

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 16/02/2018 11:39

No don't do that!

LemonShark · 16/02/2018 11:40

What? You're considering giving up your Masters? Are you serious? Why?

Original poster
SpicedGirl · 16/02/2018 11:43

I literally have no time to do it now fell behind over Xmas and whenever Dh supposed to have them he can’t.
Plus I think that money worries are contributing to this so I need to get a job

OP posts:
Original poster
SpicedGirl · 16/02/2018 11:44

I was hoping this would be resolved by now and things could get back to normal not blaming Dh but things aren’t sustainable as they are

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 16/02/2018 11:45

How long more do you have left to finish your MA?

meredintofpandiculation · 16/02/2018 11:53

Don't give up your MA. It will enhance your earning abilities long term. Prioritise your MA and your DC. Ralk to your uni welfare about time extensions if you need them, though may be difficult without a diagnosis for DP.

If it is stress or mental ill-health causing the physical symptoms, accept that for whatever reason you're not able to help him with this, and don't make sacrifices out of guilt. Sometimes our nearest and dearest just aren't the people who can help us with such things, it needs to be someone without an emotional connection to us.

Original poster
SpicedGirl · 16/02/2018 12:21

I’ve got another year yet.
Maybe I need to speak to uni I’ve got a deadline in a few days so too late for extension for that but going forward maybe will help. I need to have a proper talk with Dh and see what we need to do first things doc app then me getting a job.

OP posts:
inkydinky · 16/02/2018 12:30

If he's ill / stressed/ depressed it could be that he's saving his energy for work and flaking on other days (this is how it worked for me when I was low). After forcing myself through a working week I'd be dead on my feet at weekends. Like your H I was a sole earner so didn't have the option of prioritising time off over work.

I didn't have anything "wrong" either other than vitamin deficiencies. In hinsight I was probably depressed. Mostly I was burnt out and exhausted and overwhelmed. He may well feel the same.

I'd speak to your university re the next deadline. Is there scope for an extension? I'd submit mitigating circumstances either way. And DON'T give it up. If it's too much right now, ask for an interruption so you have the option of returning once the family situation stablises whichI hope it will.

Original poster
SpicedGirl · 16/02/2018 15:41

He has dr app so hopefully that’s a start.
I feel really drained by it all I want to be more supportive but I’m tired and stressed myself

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 16/02/2018 15:49

So he's well enough to go to work?

But not well enough to look after dc while you do your work?

Is he able to do other stuff?

What exactly are his symptoms?

Yanbu to be pissed off that he won't take steps to getting better.

Original poster
SpicedGirl · 16/02/2018 16:38

feeling sick especially in the mornings feeling lightheaded and stressed

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page