At wits end with neighbours....

[Cleothelabrador]

Please please if anyone can sympathise or offer advice please do.
Single mum here with young daughter.
I have anxiety and struggle with this especially when sleep deprived.
I moved house recently and my new neighbours are a similar age to me (30s) but they have the opposite lifestyle. It's like they go to the pub after work most nights and then come back and play music/invite friends back. Weekends are the worst.
My daughter gets up at 6 & I have a stressful job. In two months there's been 4 or 5 occasions that have been really loud and a few moderately loud evenings.
I hinted to the man that they had been quite loud and he shrugged it off.
It's making me anxious before I go to bed everynight. I'm awful at getting back to sleep and I get all shaky/sweaty/tearful.
Can anyone help?

Presuming you’re in a semi detached house? Do you own it? If yes you could put in sound proofing. We did that in our old house and it made a massive difference.

How late are you talking? Are the weekends later than the week nights?4-5 times over 2 months doesn't seem too much.

You could explain to your neighbour the problems they are causing (though I appreciate that if you suffer from anxiety, this isn't easy), and ask if they could keep the noise down during the week.

Alternatively,if the levels are really loud, keep a log for a couple of weeks and contact the council.

I ope you manage to get it sorted. Excessive noise is an horrendous thing to have to cope with.

Thanks for replying
I'm renting
The noise is worse at weekends but still loud in the week - running up & down stairs, shouting.... I had this before in my last house & it really impacted on me.
I'm worried about saying anything because if they tell me I'm being OTT it will be awful!
I have two big events coming up which will be a disaster if I don't sleep well the night before. I'm constantly anxious and getting into bed early with earplugs to avoid hearing anything. Ridiculous I know

Can you rearrange your room so you can’t hear as loudly. Eg move wardrobe to the noisy wall.

Impossible due to thin walls & weird house lay out

I had a similar issue to this when I first moved to my house.

Only myself and my DH to think about though.

My neighbour lived with her teenage daughter, no partner.

Every single Wednesday, Friday and Sunday night would be their party nights. Loud music, doors banging, the dog barking and lots of shouting and screeching.

So I decided to fight fire with fire.

One Friday night I decided to set up the very loud sound system and play Led Zeppelin at full blast.

Then I went out for a nice long peaceful walk. I got home about 2am, sneaked in round the back.....and waited.

The neighbour was frantically knocking at my front door (I am an end house so was easy to sneak past her). Apparently my music was upsetting her dog :)

I eventually answered the door, apologised for falling asleep....she said "you slept through THAT?!" I casually replied that I was so used to her loud music, 3 times a week, that I thought I must be getting deaf to it :)

She has never done it again, and that was 4 years ago. And neither have I.

OP I’ve been in a similar situation and it’s awful! The first couple of times I went to speak to them - I was nervous but they were fine about it. But then it got worse. The final straw for me was when the police turned up late one night because the people who live behind us complained about loud shouting/music coming from either us or next door! I called their letting agent to complain. Every time it happened after that I called the agent. Eventually the landlord got so sick of complaints from us and other neighbours that he didn’t renew their lease. It was the worst year of my life, I dreaded weekends because of their antisocial behaviour.
You can get help from the noise abatement team if it’s that loud. But try talking to them first - calmly and not in the heat of the moment. Most people are pretty reasonable and don’t even realise they’re being loud. Good luck!

Thanks Sally & MumtoMax
Sally that's a great story!
MumtoMax I know I have to speak to them-hate being a single parent sometimes especially when it's '2 against 1' & they've been here 4 years.... the other side to them is a very old man who may well be deaf so perhaps he doesn't complain....
...it's just the worst feeling!

Have you tried white noise? It takes a few nights to get used to having it on but if you get the volume right and a good white noise track that suits you, it will drown out most of the noise and help you sleep so much better. I got a load of different ones on iTunes and tried them out until I found one that helps me sleep so fast through anything!

Nope - you have to suck it up and confront them. I was in the exact same situation as you until recently (now living in a field away from any neighbours - heaven!)

If they dont respond to your polite requests, then get on to the environmental helth team at your council each and every time they are posing a noise nuisance. My old council used to run a 24 hr service at weekends and they would send someone out to sit in my flat to listen to the noise coming into it. Then a warning would be sent to the neighbour the next day. Three of those within 6 months and legal action could be taken to remove the offending property (his prize cd player) or start eviction proceedings.

I totally understand the noise anxiety and the dread of coming home. I used to walk around with earplugs in constantly just to muffle out his chatting and shouting and sneezing. The walls were so bloody thin!

I've now moved out and have no neighbours at all. It is bloody amazing. My noise anxiety has gone and i can at last relax. I'd never ever ever be able to live in a flat, terraced or semi detached house again. NEVER. Honestly, that guy messed my head up so much that the thought of having neighbours in such close proximity every again gives me chills.

And dont let anybody minimise how you are feeling, OP. It is awful when you're constantly exposed to it and on edge. Nobody can know the anxiety unless they've been where you are. It's worse being a single parent because we've nobody to vent to about the noise so it just bubbles and bubbles inside which is awful.

I once had a noisy neighbour in a rented house. I could hear her stereo in my house louder than I'd have my own stereo

She'd turn it down if I asked, but would have it full blast again the next day

Only there a few months, thank goodness.

In a new rented place ATM & it's so peaceful. No barking dogs, no screaming children, no rowing couples, just the hammering of flatpack furniture at the weekends during daylight hours that was me

Kettle thanks for your message and for understanding my anxiety!
Having no neighbours sounds blissful
I long to be away from built-up-ness.
It's just expensive, noisy and shit.

Justanidiot glad to hear that you're away from the noise.
It's going to be 'that conversation' soon I know it...

We have just had a year of awful neighbours, very similar to your experience. My approach was:

1. Log, record audio
2. Speak nicely to them
3. Fight fire with fire one night - slammed every door in my house as loud as I could
4. Phone the letting agent & contact on Twitter - every time we called the agent they sent a letter to them warning of the noise, 3 rd time they sat them down, refused to renew their contract and explained in writing that another noise complaint would mean that they were in violation of a noise clause in their contract & would have to leave within a month. It moved quickly after we contacted the agent. Make it the letting agents problem. Keep on and on.

Your not alone and I'm sorry your going through this. Noise is such an invasion, can't think or just be.

How long left before you can give notice?

You are so not being unreasonable, they sound awful neighbours but noise complaints are the fucking worst, you have to go through letters, diaries, listening equipment etc etc whilst living next to them and there's is no guarantee it will solve it, it is an arduous, tedious process for you as the complainant. So if you are renting - if it were me - I would move asap where your tenancy allows. I would let your landlord know that you plan hand in notice as soon as the lease allows due to the noise issue. It just isn't worth the hassle in my opinion.

It would be different if you own as you have to choose between make complaints to go through process (with no gtee) and have to disclose to buyers or try and sell and hope buyers don't notice the noise issue before it's too late.

I sympathise. You could put a nice (not ride or hostile) letter through the door or have friendly chat either about it. But this may not make any difference. I would invest in some silicon earplugs (you can get them from boots) and then speak to your landlord x good luck op x

Annoying as this is it sounds as if your anxiety is making things much worse. Have you spoken to your GP about this?

Noise cancelling headphones, sound proofing wallpaper, and ask your landlord to intervene on your behalf. You have my sympathies. I had noisy, antisocial neighbours in my first flat, they even had a noise abatement order against them, but they didn't give a stuff. If I banged on the wall, the music would be turned up. It was horrendous. They got evicted eventually but it was a nightmare for a few weeks.

I totally understand how you feel. I had noisy neighbours for a short time and I used to feel on edge at the possibility of noise. What made me feel anxious was the thought that the people making the noise had no consideration at all for other people. Also the fact that it was unpredictable. You want to be able to have peace in your own home. At least you're only renting and aren't tied to them long term. I would try saying something to them in a really nice way - failing that, I'd make a noise complaint.

You and your child deserve to feel safe in your home,deserve piece of mind,peace :) you can't change your neighbour's,but can you change your situation,move? Drastic,but my experience is their not going to stop graciously,because you ask,their frame of mind,is no doubt,''we were here first''.

Try something like this, maybe it will help;

LectroFan High Fidelity White Noise Machine with 20 Unique Non-Looping Fan and White Noise Sounds and Sleep Timer.

I bought one for someone from Amazon, they loved it.

Had such a bad nights sleep!
It was the anxiety of possible noise rather than actual noise... I feel like I'm going crazy!
Possible opportunity to speak to them this morning - should I just do it? Nicely?
And make them aware of what my life looks like in relation to early mornings, upcoming events and hearing everything?

Speak to your GP too - maybe you could get help to ease the anxiety.

When my neighbours have an occasional party they call in to let me know in advance. I find then that the noise is fine because they've shown consideration and I know its a rare occurrence.

I can help you. I will cover what you should do in a nutshell, here.

1. Calm down - dont argue with neighbours.

1. Write down what you do want from them. Make and agreemet with them. hear therir story.

1. If they break an agreement -> Start to act.

1. Make a complaint letter. noise-table

1. Make a Notice of Lease Violation. template

1. Show your neghbours this letters ang give them some time to change their behaviour.

1. If they proceed noise disturbance -> Send letters

1. If it doesnt help all the police. You can find usefull phone numbers on this page www.noisecountermeasures.com/noisy-neighbours.html (Belive me, if you have done all this above, and have letters and tables, police will listen to you)