To ask DM to stop

[ChangetheName23]

Namechange change as this could be outing.

DSis and I both had babies around a month apart. This was my DSis first, she had a quite complicated pregnancy. So naturally , and rightfully, my parents were very focused on her. This was never an issue however since they have both been born my DM constantly talks about my DNephew and has shown little interest in my DD.

In phone conversations with her, they live quite far, I will update her on how both my DDs are doing after everything I say she will some how link it back to DN. For example "Oh DD1 has improved on her reading alot." Will usually be interrupted with "I was reading to DN today he loved it, babbling away".

It's lovely to hear about him but she never shows any enthusiasm about her Granddaughters. Frankly, it's started to make me a little resentful.

The pinnacle was a couple.of days ago when she announced "I can never remember DD2's birthday or how her birth was. I was just so focused on DSis and DN I forgot to make a note." This really upset me and Dp as it was as if she just did nt care at all. She is also very critical of DD2 if she is developmentally behind DN or even doing something before him.
I've been on repeat with "all babies are different" but I doesn't seem to be sinking in.

AIBU to have a firm but polite word and just ask her to stop comparing the 2 babies so much? Or am I just being overly sensitive about This?

You are not being overly sensitive and I'm glad the AIBU ended with having a firm word because I was going to say I hope you're going to say something because there's not anything we can do on here!

Does your sister live close to them? How far away are you? Not that it would be an excuse obviously but it would shine a light on why she behaves this way.

Your not being over sensitive at all. I would probably say nothing at all but never talk about your kids either so your mum can't compare them.
But if your was brave enough You should call her out on it. Hopefully she doesn't realise it and you calling it to her attention will change the situation.

It doesn't sound like you are being over sensitive or unreasonable, she is demonstrating she has a favourite. Does she realise she's doing it? Its hard to believe she's that unaware.

Oh and may I ask, how was she with your first? Showing the same level of enthusiasm as she is showing with your sisters first?

They do live close together where as I'm now 150miles away. They all lived round here but both moved away over a year ago.

My DD1 was the first grandchild so there was alot of enthusiasm there and I guess she had the limelight for several years. At first I was ok with the mentionitus as I figured that she was just very excited about having a new grandchild and first grandson but I've had 4 months of constant comparing and disinterest. It's very wearing.

As I said before I've tried the repeating "all babies are different" line when she compares them and tried changing the subject again when she brings it back to DN but it's not sinking in. Just as a note I don't think it's malicious I just think she hasn't noticed she's doing it. How can I put it nicely?

I don't THINK it's malicious anyway. She has got form for making me and DSis compete throughout our lives. So you never know...

My "kids are 25,19 and 16 and whenever I tell my mum any news or of any achievements they have had she automatically tells me that my sister's kids have done the same or better or even something entirely different - even now! You can have a firm word but it may not change. I have just gotten used to it and it is a joke now between DH and me.

It was hurtful to start.

@Allthebestnames god that must be infuriating sometimes. I've only had 4 months of it and I'm finding myself getting a bit worked up over it.

There must be a syndrome for this?

MIL was the same, you'd think she was DN parent and not grandparent!

Wonder how she speaks to DSis about you? Have you asked?

I stopped telling her stuff and she didn't even notice!

My first thought is that she's doing exactly the same thing to your sister, mentioning your DD2 all the time. It's manipulation, a divide and conquer tactic.

Could you compare notes with your sister to see if that's what is happening?

Now I'm not defending her actions at ALL but I understand more of her behaviour from your reply OP. I don't think (from what you said) is purposely malicious behaviour as your first was treated in the same way as her first. Secondly, she presumably sees your sisters child multiple times or at least once a week if they live close whereas I'm guessing you living 150 miles away doesn't happen. I am in no way supporting her behaviour and still strongly urge you to have a firm word but I don't think this is as purposely nasty as I first thought. Still doesn't trump your right to be upset, I'd be furious over it and would be having a non polite firm word!

GreenTulips according to my DSis she doesn't really mention me or DDs apart from to say that she rings me every other day, she doesn't, and that she's offered to babysit loads of times, she asked sort of once but it was a day that was really inconvenient for us so had to say no.

It also doesn't help that whenever ever I talk to my Sister all she wants to do is bitch and rant about our Mum but in the next breath is saying how Dmum is looking after DN for her and isn't it great.

Drives. Me. Nuts.

YABU.

You really are.

You live 150 miles away from both of them.

You DM and Dsis are obviously seeing a lot more of each other than you are of them.

OF course your DM is going to tell you about your DN - she probably thinks that she is also keeping you 'up to speed' as well.

How often do you see your DM, Dsis and DN?

@sallyandherarmy

I disagree. OP isn't BU. Yes, I agree, it makes more sense that she's more excited about seeing a child grow that she sees often but I'd also expect the same level of enthusiasm and intrigue over a child of the same age that lives so far away and talks of how she can't wait to see them and misses them.

We see them probably once a month. I knew that they would see each other more often and as a result would speak about each other more often. It's just the constant comparing of DD2 and DN and the almost not wanting to hear anything about DDs.