Clare’s law situation

[HolyMotherFuckers]

Hi all,
When I was 17 (now 21) I was in a relationship for a year with a man who lived a few cities over.

Basically, he manipulated me into trusting him all he was married back home living with his wife. He was 23. During our relationship of lies , he was emotionally abusive and manipulative. At one point he cheated on me, making me believe it was my fault. And told me it was with a 16 year old. A few weeks later a friend told him she was 14. Bare in mind he lived 100 miles away, I didn’t know who this girl was and if I wasn’t 17 and infatuated with an older man, I know now I should’ve done something.

Basically I don’t know enough about the lies he told except the ones to me. And I don’t want to press charges because I don’t know enough. But is it possible to have this on his record of the emotional abuse at least as if someone ever applied for his records through Clare’s law I’d want them to know.

The girl he left me for was 17 and is now 20 I think which is how old I was when he left me. I think he might have a thing for younger girls. His wife was 17 and him 19 when they got married (had permission) so by the time she was 21, he’d looked for a 17 year old again.

What can I do?

I mean 17 is legal so not much I'd imagine unless you have proof he was with a 14 year old?

Do you have proof that he did anything illegal?

Unfortunately OP Claire's law will as a rule only disclose criminal convictions. If there is huge amount of similar intelligence about a persons behaviour then this MAY be disclosed. I also don't believe that emotional abuse would qualify unless they had a history of stalking type behaviour. So even if you did report him to the police this would not qualify for a DVDS disclosure.

Great. So another poor impressionable teenager will have to go through what I did. I also spoke to his wife after him and I had ended. She had a similar experience

I don't think there's anything you can do. Everything you've said is hearsay. You were above the age of consent when you had sex with him. The cheating isn't a criminal offence. Do you know for sure that he had sex with a 14 year old?

No you can't. He hasn't been accused or convicted of anything criminally.

Otherwise you'd have a system where anyone could go to the Police with completely unsubstantiated claims and ask for it to be recorded anonymously as factual.

The law doesn't work that way fortunately. Otherwise we could all potentially have something 'recorded' against us without knowing and without any evidence to back it up.

Alright. Fair enough, you don’t have to say it as if I’m some bitter person looking to ruin an innocent person.

Now that isn't what I've heard, that they will only disclose criminal convictions.

I've heard that they will disclose any information about someone as ,ing as there's sufficient concern, i.e. in my case my ex partner has dozens of police attendance reports and warnings, but was never actually arrested or charged, so doesn't have any convictions.

Laws in relation to grooming and sexual exploitation apply up to the age of 18 so, if by manipulation you mean grooming you could disclose to the police who would either investigate or hold as intelligence on file. Sexual exploitation doesn't need to involve drugs, rape or pressure to sleep with other people - it can be an older man (or woman) grooming a young person into a relationship and using manipulation to engage in a sexual relationship, it can also include buying "gifts" or withholding affection in exchange for sex. Many people believe at the time that the relation was consensual, only realising the exploitation involved as they become older and understand the nature of equal partner relationships.

If any of that sounds familiar, speak to the police who will have a specialist team experienced in dealing with such cases. Also try and seek counselling for your experiences.

I don't think anyone is saying that at all. What we're saying is that if a system like you want existed, it could and likely would be exploited by vindictive or unstable people and can't exist in a society with respect for the rights of people to be accused of a crime and have a fair hearing (if not pleading guilty).

I don't think knowledge of under age sex is important.

One of my family members had a child with a girl of 13 (this is UK, not America, so still highly unusual!) when he was in his 30s, but as ,one as that girl claims it was consensual, he has no concern.

@snapperstickers68 i did say it wasn't always convictions. As in your ex's part there was clearly a lot of intelligence about his behaviour from the numerous calls out hence why it was disclosed.

The Police will investigate if a crime is alleged and they think there's enough evidence to. If they don't think there is enough evidence it can be held 'on file' but you can't report a serious alleged offence and say you don't want it investigated but want it 'recorded'.

I think Claire’s law is for criminal convictions only.

I’m currently having rape counselling and the organisation I’m having it with are keeping their own database whereby they take the name(s) and date of birth of the perpetrators if you know them (and many do) and keep those details on file. If the same one comes up more than once they speak to the victims and decide with them whether to go to the police or not.

Not perfect but a good attempt at working out a pattern of behaviour for certain perpetrators.

Clares law isn't just for convictions, it can include Police intelligence if this causes sufficient concern so Police investigations or attendance at domestic incidents even if they didn't result in a conviction. But those are incidents involving the Police and disclosure will be looked at on a case by case basis.

What can't happen is someone going to the Police, reporting alleged offences but not wanting them investigated and that being recorded and potentially held against the person in the future or disclosed to the public.

I think that you could ask to speak to the police and tell them your concerns about the 14 year old and his pattern of grooming girls under 18. It obviously won’t be enough for him to be arrested at this point, but it may be that it helps in future. You could also ask to speak to the duty social worker at children’s services and ask them to record your concerns. Men like that often pick vulnerable girls, and his name may come up in relation to a girl in care for example, so if they have the information it might help them.

You can't 'record concerns' about people that are not already involved in the criminal justice system without wanting it to be potentially investigated nor report to social services about someone not known to them (unless you have current child protection concerns) and want it to be used in the future.

It doesn't work like that. And it shouldn't.

I don't disbelieve the OP but what she was suggesting and some people are agreeing should be the case is that anyone can go to the Police or SS and make completely unsubstantiated claims with no evidence, the person accused not being told of the allegations and therefore given no opportunity to disagree or defend and that that should be recorded somewhere and used to make decisions against them in the future.

It's a completely unworkable system open to exploitation and abuse.

The one difference is if he works with young or vulnerable people, the police might be interested then. Especially as 17 could still be seen as "underage" eg. "If you are an adult with a ‘duty of care’ for a young person under 18 (for example a teacher, youth worker or social worker), it is illegal to have sex with anyone who comes under your care, even if they are 16 or 17."