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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do men worry about their looks fading

39 replies

IhatePipArcher · 15/02/2018 10:20

Inspired by another thread. Starting a new one because I don't want to derail the misery fest over there (though a couple of us have tried)

Do men notice their looks fading and get depressed about wrinkles, sagging and jowls?

I look at David Beckham with his crowsfeet and "laughter" lines and think how the press (and other women) would rip into Victoria if she dared to age like that.

OP posts:

beluga425 · 15/02/2018 10:23

...but men become more distinguished with age. We should look up to and admire their gravitas, their experience, that wisdom.
We, on the other hand should just go indoors and shield the world from our saggy depressing features.

SaskaTchewan · 15/02/2018 10:25

ask a man how he feels about getting bald, having to work twice as hard to keep a trim body, growing hair in their ears and nose ( -->not envy), and whatever else is going wrong in their physical appearance and I think you'll find that the answer is YES!

Men and women are just affected by different things. Wrinkles might be slightly less of an issue for some, but sagging and so on is just as bad. Hair dressers advertised special "less salt more pepper" treatments, and plastic surgery for men is huge!

OutyMcOutface · 15/02/2018 10:27

Yes, of course they do. My Poor DH has never recovered emotionally from premature hair loss-I do prefer him this way though, not at all vain after that blow. Nothing more off putting that again man.

Ifailed · 15/02/2018 10:27

I think the main difference is that other men tend not to judge so much, unlike some women do. I know it's not a popular thing to say, and we are all supposed to say that women care about their appearance solely for themselves.

ohfortuna · 15/02/2018 10:30

Quite a few men seem to grow Beards in their late forties to cover up the jowls and the lack of a firm jawline

Original poster

IhatePipArcher · 15/02/2018 10:35

I don't hear any angst from my DH, Brothers and BIL.

I don't hear male celebrities being asked if they'd consider cosmetic surgery.

Men just don't seem to have the same level of self-loathing.

OP posts:

ShatnersBassoon · 15/02/2018 10:35

Some do. Look at all the Hollywood men who get plumped and stretched faces once they're out of the 'young' category. I also know men in real life who spend a fair bit of money on getting signs of ageing erased.

misscph1973 · 15/02/2018 10:36

Men absolutely do worry about their looks and aging. That's why they get a sports car, trade the wife in for a younger model etc.

I think women should avoid popular culture media, it's the main source of worrying about your looks.

beluga425 · 15/02/2018 10:40

misscph1973 but that's so interesting. They worry about their looks so get a younger wife. They don't feel the need to fix their looks in the same way that many women do.

PizzaPower · 15/02/2018 10:42

Man here (don't normally say but relevant to topic).

Me personally, I don't give a dam! And I think generally overall men are less bothered by ageing and all that come with it. Though as with any group, everyone is different and so there will be some desperate to do everything to avoid the saggy baggy bits.

Don't want to derail but I'm having chemo (see my other threads). There is a 'cold cap' you can have which helps stop loosing your hair. I would say anecdotally 100% of women opt for it. But only 40-50% if men (not scientific, just what I've seen in hospital). So obviously some men worry about hair loss, but there is a large group that don't really care (like me).
(Though my DW does keep complaining I keep reflecting the light off my head and dazzling her so she can't see the TV!)

ShatnersBassoon · 15/02/2018 10:42

I don't hear any angst from my DH, Brothers and BIL.

I don't hear anything from my sister, mum, MIL... That means nothing.

DH grumbles about his receding hairline and the hair in places he doesn't want it. He doesn't like that he has a paunch he can't shift, or that his jawline has got baggier. That's a man worrying about his fading youth.

woodhill · 15/02/2018 10:42

Have you seen Kevin Bacon. He looks ridiculous imo

LifeBeginsAtGin · 15/02/2018 10:45

My lovely husband has matured into his looks and body shape, he looks better now than when we met. He's in his late 40's, receding, overweight and getting wrinkles.

He is happier now in M&S jeans and jackets, likes to accessorise with watches and the style suits him and makes him more confident.

HarrietSmith · 15/02/2018 10:48

I think my husband is very concerned about staying fit and healthy. I don't think he minds that much about hair loss - perhaps because he's got a fairly small build and has never fitted into the tall, dark (or blonde) and handsome stereotype. When he's needed dental treatment and has had one or two teeth extracted, that has distressed him - some niggling joint pains have had a similar effect. It also upsets him very much if colleagues or former colleagues die. He hates reminders of his own mortality.

He takes up various activities - walking, dancing, learning a foreign language - that he believes will keep him fit and alert.

He is a volunteer for medical research and was absolutely delighted when some tests confirmed that he had the metabolism of a man ten years younger.

phoebemac · 15/02/2018 10:50

(Though my DW does keep complaining I keep reflecting the light off my head and dazzling her so she can't see the TV!)

Aw, Pizza this made me laugh. Good luck with the treatment.

losingmymindiam · 15/02/2018 10:54

Ugh that thread... I do think men worry but not as much or aren't as vocal about it. Not bombarded on a daily basis with magazines, adverts, diets etc. Also I think in general, women find men their own age attractive and ageing men are allowed to be sexy. Women on the other hand aren't 'allowed' to be old and sexy. Although of course they are and they need to realise this not compare how old they were when they realised they had lost their looks...

PaddyF0dder · 15/02/2018 10:58

Kind of.

I’m definitely balding now and I’ve gained some weight in the last few months. The weight gain bothers me more than the balding. Nothing I can do about becoming a baldy; wigs and combovers look stupid so I’m just getting on with it.

Getting some wrinkles around my eyes but I don’t really care to be honest.

I think society/media is kinder to aging in men that women. We’re not told that aging is some irresponsible and avoidable aberration.

misscph1973 · 15/02/2018 11:08

I think far too many women judge themselves based on their looks. We really are our own enemies!

I am 44, I have wrinkles, and half of my bust has migrated into my bum. But actually it could be worse. I am as slim as when I was 18 and I'm a lot cleverer now ;) No way would I go back to 18 year old me.

The men who get a sports car and trade in the wife for a younger model are hopefully in the minority. But it's just very noticeable. Those men probably couldn't afford a sports car when they were young. Not sure how to explain the wife upgrade, though.

GinDaddy · 15/02/2018 11:16

They say that when your hair recedes, you get a gym membership, and I do think my transformation from Philip Scholfield levels of ordinary thin, to more of a Statham build, is all down to my hairline disappearing!

However no one (my other half, friends, magazines etc) has persuaded me to go to the gym or do this, and I'm not really afraid of ageing, I think it's just at a stage where I realised that I no longer can eat everything I want, have nice hair and therefore "get away with it".

Youth fades for everyone, it's all good!

Laska5772 · 15/02/2018 11:23

Yes! DH is horribly vain (although he pretends not) . Its the ear hair that really gets to him..and me..but luckily he knows where the tweezers are. ( yuck!.. ear hair!!)

Hes a baldy also.. .. and shorter than me.... but we insist he isn't .. hes also an absolute gem

mumofthemonsters808 · 15/02/2018 11:23

My Husband does, but it's in a jokey, fun way. We laugh that he has lost some of his height and broad shoulders, his thick chunky rugby player thighs, that he used to struggle to get into a pair of jeans, have disappeared.His bug bearer is his hair, which grows in little patches, I know he longs for a Liam Gallagher style mop of hair.Any weight he puts on just hits his belly or the bottom of his back.He doesn't get hung up on any of it and rightly so.He's early fifties and we have many friends who've not had the luxury of reaching this age.

Original poster

IhatePipArcher · 15/02/2018 11:39

I colour my grey but DH has embraced the silver.

Similarly when the Clooneys eat out near their Italian home, Amal is always dressed up to the nines whilst George looks like he's nipping out for a packet of Benson & Hedges and a copy of the Racing Post.

OP posts:

ofshoes · 15/02/2018 11:50

I do but then I'm super vain because I was a very pretty boy. Not so much now unfortunately.

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 15/02/2018 14:32

Quite a few men seem to grow Beards in their late forties to cover up the jowls and the lack of a firm jawline

Or it's because they cba to shave anymore.

I don't worry about my looks, as I was bloody ugly to begin with

Original poster

IhatePipArcher · 15/02/2018 17:39

Someone posted this on the other thread.

OP posts:

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