I never expected life to be perfect but...

[KateGrey]

I know there’s no such thing as the perfect family.

I have three kids (9,7,5) my youngest two have autism, adhd and sensory processing plus other issues. When I thought about having a family I never imagined it would be easy but I never imagined it would be this hard. That even going to the parks means military precision planning. We can’t eat out as one has an autoimmune disease and can’t have certain foods and also can’t tolerate restaurants. I envy the ease of life for some families. I know for those that don’t have children with Sen life isn’t a perfect bed of roses and their kids have problems too but life just feels so hard. All the things people take for granted their kids can do mine struggle with. My youngest can’t talk. It’s so natural for other kids and I listen as they chat away and mine can’t.

I know other people don’t have it easy too but I never thought this is how my life would turn out. All the dreams I had won’t ever come as they can’t exist in the life we have with our kids. I feel awful feeling like this and I love them but when I’ve been climbed over, jumped on, screamed at it’s exhausting.

I have no advice, no words of wisdom but I didnt want to read and run. Hopefully someone more helpful will be along bit in the meanwhile im sending you an internet stranger hug. It sounds massively hard, and I think you feelings sound perfectly reasonable. I hope you have some support in rl xx

KateGrey your situation is massively hard and it's okay to feel how you do. Living with children with SEN is unrelenting and you know the support they need will be lifelong. You sound very tired because it is exhausting.

Can you carve out a little time just for you in the day (perhaps when they are at their schools) to just read, nap, eat chocolate, lie on the sofa watching crap TV, go for a walk - whatever you like rather than rushing home to clean up etc.

I always eschewed "positive thinking" type things but it can help. Over the years I try to remember the old adage that "comparison in the thief of joy" and to try to live "in the day". I mentally check off small but good things (like a weaker version of a gratitude journal) - everyone got to school smoothly, no seizures today, had a nice meal etc. Also when I feel myself start to ruminate on things - I pinch myself and get up and do something practical. Try and be kind to yourself and practice self care.

Is there someone that can help lighten your load or look after the DC so that you can get out by yourself for a bit? Take help/respite where it is offered.