To think, threat of abandoning an 8 year old is wrong?

[Spiritualmamma]

My husband and I have a different approach to discipline than my step daughters mother. We have just found out that my step daughters mum often tells her to pack her bags as she is being sent to live with her dad and that she will never see her mum again. She was obviously very upset when telling us. I think this is wrong on so many levels - AIBU to think this? I get that it is her child but after being diagnosed with ADHD recently im wondering if this sort of punishment is not helping?.

We have no issues with behaviour at our house and use lots of positive reinforcement which dd responds well to.

Maybe you should have her to live with you full time.

Are you or your partner on good terms with the mum? Can you have a word about how its affected the wee one; even just say, and give her suggestions of better ways to handle it. But in a chatty way, rather than a "we're telling you off" way.
Also, reinforce with the wee one that no matter what, you'll always be there and she'll always have a home with you etc... So she feels secure and knows she will always be safe.

Good luck!

Your DH should have a word if he’s concerned.

How often do you have her?

Your poor DSD! Her mum must stop before she wrecks the poor girls nerves. She'll grow up afraid of her mum, if not with attachment or trust issues. My mum used to do this sometimes if I'd misbehaved. It terrified me and she admitted she found it funny.

I remember her packing a bag and pretending to call SS and saying they could cut my head off if they liked. And she once pointed out someone in a car-park she was sure would want to buy me and keep me in a cage. Coupled with her threats to send me to boarding school if I didn't want to stay at a school within walking distance (cba to school run) I felt like she really meant it. I don't have DC yet, so famous last words but I would never, EVER do this.

I think that's awful. I drum into my kids that I will never leave them. I'm scared they might think otherwise. Unconditional love is what stops us being a basket case when we are older

It’s not just wrong it’s borderline abusive. What a great idea to tell a kid if seperate parents who might have abandonment concerns anyway that she’s going to be shipped off. (Not obviously)

Avasarala we are not on good terms unfortunatly. She stopped all contact a few years back and my husband had to take her to court to get access. She made up a whole host of lies and whilst things have improved since the court order, she still gives abuse and tries to claim that we do nothing to support her daughter.

We have been asked to have a sit down meeting which i was happy to do but my OH has received a lot of abuse. Ive advised that we should have a mediator.

I wasnt suggesting i should be the one to broach the subject. Im already receiving messages that should really be directed at OH as opposed to myself. I just wanted to know other peoples thoughts as I found it quite disturbing and worry about the long term affects.

Oh gosh, so sorry it happened to you. Im glad its had no negative affect on you though..I am really conxious of the affect we have o n our childrens mental health and Queen i agree. My son will always have my unconditional love.

Karigan, omg I hadnt thought of it like that. Makes me very sad!