To wish genes had been passed down

[changingskysndshire]

My Mum was a beautiful woman in her youth, and my dad was very good looking even when he got older. I know they both expected their children would inherit. As it was, my brother did look a lot like them but it skipped a generation with me.

I know my mum in particular was very disappointed with my looks. And I know it’s not something you can help, obviously, but it would have been easier if I’d looked like her.

How old are you OP?

36

Your looks are not a problem, your mother's attitude towards them is.

I'm 46 and look more like my paternal grandmother every day, I looked like my dad growing up. My brother is the spit of my paternal grandfather and I now also look my dads cousin and my son is exactly like her son! But it changes as we all age.

It concerns me your mum is disappointed with your looks. Why would she say that? I bet you're beautiful!

My Mum has been dead for a while, sadly I’m actually having a huge sort out and looking through family photos.

I don’t think I’m ugly or anything, although I do have a tendency to gain weight which no one else in my family does. But we are so very different.

My dmum told everyone that i got my weight from my dads family.
My view is that i actually inherited spectacular norkage from that side of the family
And i didnt smoke 40 cigarettes a day to maintain my figure

Nothing wrong with being different

My DHs DD is beautiful but his exW puts her looks down because she looks like her dad. Even when they were still together and on her wedding day I couldn't imagine saying that to my DCs who both are very much like their dad (my exDH).

So, looking through old photos, are you like the next generation up? That's what's happened with my family. Focus on that. What about your personality? I'm like my great grandmother apparently, although she died a long time before I was born.

Norkage

My mother considered herself absolutely stunning in her youth. Always wittering on during my teen years about how utterly gorgeous she was and how all the boys were drooling over her at my age.

I consider my self average looking , I don’t think I’m hideous or anything but if anyone says to my mother that I look like her there’s this flash of disgust before she paints on a fake smile and titters “Oh no , Canary looks like my father/her father/ other random relative”

There’s a bit of a similarity in our looks but the offense she takes at being compared to me is amusing.
Ah well.

A relatively close family member offered to pay for me aged 18 to have plastic surgery on a "problem area". I politely declined. I hope my daughter hasn't inherited this feature because it is quite unattractive but if she does I hope she accepts her flaws as part of who she is.

I feel a little bit sad that my dc don't look more like me. I'm half Chilean and I always thought they'd have brown hair and eyes and olive skin. My partner is very dark but his mum is blonde and her genes have won, against all those brunette ones! I just never thought I'd be spotting my ds's sandy curls in a group of children.
It's not disappointing, I would never say that. It's just acknowledging that their experience of the world won't be the same as mine.
OP I think your mum was probably a little bit shallow. If you are told your whole life that you're beautiful then I think you end up believing that looks matter. I too gain weight easily and none of my family do (the side that I know) so everyone assumes I eat 5 Greggs sausage rolls every day. I also get greasy if I don't wash my hair every day so my mum used to tell me that I needed to shower more often even though I was already showering daily!

That's really sad that she made it obvious how she felt. A child should be nothing but beautiful to their parents.
My MIL is slightly different in that she is very happy her kids don't look like her as she feels she is very plain. She married a very good looking arab and all 5 kids got his features but with her fairness diluting it. She has one child who looks like a famous footballer and she loves standing next to him! I think she is very unfair on herself as she is lovely to me.

extra My SIL feels similar to you, her and her DH have olive skin, dark brown hair and eyes and both children are blonde, white skin and blue eyes. She says people always assume they aren't their parents!

my mum always says she's glad I don't look like her but at the same time is so critical of me, never once told me i was pretty or anything, always telling me how to have my hair and clothes, evwry photo i put on facebook she tells me whats wrong with it; the result; I have body dysmorphia, in forever thinking my head is too big, my hands too small,I've had some cosmetic surgery nothing major but still even the surgeon said I didn't need it.
Be careful how you come across to your children, it could impact them for life.

I can see that must be hard.

I don’t really know much/anything about my dads parents. I think I have his mothers eyes.

one thing though, I look at my son and think he is the absolute most gorgeous boy on the planet, and people tell me that he is my spitting image. I see it too but when I look at myself I see ugliness, when I look at him I see how beautiful he is.
That is how it should be with your children, my son could look like anything and be beautiful in my eyes.

How old is your son, though? As I’m sure she did when I was little but I do think it wears off?

He's 5. Even as a child i remember if anyone told my mum i was pretty or cute shed laugh and make a face.
I'm not ugly, I get told I'm attractive but I can never believe it I have zero self esteem and i don't blame it all on my mum but even when I used to ask her as a teenager is my hair ok or do I look ok she'd get all exasperated and say it doesn't matter, that to me translated as 'no youre ugly deal with it'.
My daughter looks 100 percent like her father and his family who I don't get along with however to me she too is stunning but boy does she have a confidence and a great personality so even wihtout good looks I know she would do just fine.

I think my mum mistook the natural appeal most small children have for real prettiness/beauty.