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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Those 'We heard you were in a car accident' cold callers

145 replies

notwonderwoman · 14/02/2018 11:58

Not really AIBU because I don't really care but ...I've been getting so many of those strange cold callers telling me I've been in an accident I've started to have a bit of fun when they call. It's been going on for about 18 months now at least and I can't get rid of them.
This morning one called me up and I started singing 'Baby one more time' by britney down the phone to them. The sour voiced woman still kept asking me if I'd been in an accident Grin I said maybe I bumped my head? And kept singing. She hung up.

The other day another one called me, I tell them they really should get a better job and they are worth more then working for a sham company (the companies don't even exist if you google them) and she still kept asking the same questions. Poor love.

Another one called me up when I was on the toilet. I'll let you guess what I told them.

How do you deal with them? Smile

OP posts:
CaptainCardamom · 14/02/2018 13:37

Strangely I've never had an "accident" one, but I get loads of the fake Microsoft "problem with your computer" calls. I usually say no thanks I don't use Microsoft, but sometimes I wind them up a bit. One time he was going on about it and I was saying, "Ohh, it's funny my computer doesn't seem to have that option, maybe that's because it's not even Windows". He went batshit! He shouted "Oh, you think you're funny bitch. Well suck my dick!" Shock I laughed and he slammed the phone down.

RustyBear · 14/02/2018 13:48

@SallyCinnamon - “Adele” was the one I got too, about an hour ago. I don’t think I ever got to a real person, so presumably reading out my post didn’t have any of the required trigger words!

CountryGirl1985 · 14/02/2018 13:51

Sorry but as with others I've tried being polite, now they get whatever time I have! If I'm in a rush it's usually just hanging up but if I've got more time you can have some real fun. "Oh yes, how did you hear? It was just terrible! I mean I don't see how it could have been my fault. Okay so the car was parked in their drive but how was I to know that when I was looking for my CD on the back seat..." or if asked to confirm location they get, "oh it was up near the Big Esso/BP garage, you know on the top road as you go in to town, turn left at those traffic lights near that multi-storey." Some have great persistence!

SilverySurfer · 14/02/2018 13:53

I normally use something like the following:

Them: We understand you were in a recent car accident?
Me: Oh yes, it was terrible
Them: {rubbing their hands in glee) Oh dear, were you badly injured?
Me: Yes, multiple injuries
Them: What injuries did you have?
Me: Two broken legs, punctured lung, blah blah
Them: How awful (thinking thousands in compensation) and have your injuries healed?
Me: It was horrendous - yes I'm in good physical health now
Them: Did you claim compensation, or would you think of doing so? We would be very happy to help.
Me: Oh how kind of you but unfortunately I can't do that
Them: Well there's still time, as I said, we would do all the work for you, for a cut of course.
Me, That's very kind but I can't because I'm dead.
Them: either fuck off or other choice words while I laugh down the phone at them before they slam down the receiver.

I love microsoft ones too - I went on and on in my best doddery voice about the integral coffee cup holder on my comp (disk drive) and when I get bored tell them that it says linux on my comp, is that the same as Microsoft? They are not happy bunnies by the end of the conversation - after 45 minutes of that i'm guessing they book into the nearest psychiatric hospital Grin

gillybeanz · 14/02/2018 13:59

do be careful getting your children to lie about mum or dad not being there.
As our calls are recorded we have to report calls where children say there is no adult at home, if they sound very young.
It's then listened to and if deemed necessary passed onto authorities.
Same if it sounds like somebody hurt.
Last week my 17 year old colleague used her wits and reported hearing a woman rambling, she was elderly and incoherent.
Our supervisor listened and contacte the family who were listed and they went to see her.
She had fallen in the bathroom and badly hurt her head.
I know our calls are mostly an inconvenience though.

BrigitsBigKnickers · 14/02/2018 13:59

I was interrupted from music practice the last time I had one of these calls. My response was to play a rather nice Bach partita on my alto recorder down the phone- he didn't listen for long- I was rather offended!

winglesspegasus · 14/02/2018 14:04

silversurfer Grinbefore i stared my current anti phone spam campaign i would tell them about linux and tux the penguin
one stayed on saying fuck fuck oh fuck over and over
now-i have my voicemail set up answered with just "hello"
it confuses the computers and the live ones.they start talking and dont hear the promt.husband used to answer with a very thick accent and tell them to wait ,he would buy- let me get wallet.set the phone down and go back to his computer.
also have the old(american one) of "you have reached a number that is out of order or disconnected.please check your number and try again."
has the sound signal(beeps)for computer calls to identify
this one requires fast action tho.message is on pc.stops them tho.

allthegoodnameshadgone · 14/02/2018 14:10

I really want one of these to call me now so I can use some of these responses. Having a right laugh reading these

Weezol · 14/02/2018 14:11

Blue That's my tactic with the really persistent ones. Either that or when they say 'your accident' I ask 'which one?'.

Register with TPS and MPS and update every year. I did that a couple of years ago, haven't had any calls since.

SweetMoon · 14/02/2018 14:21

I've had so many of these, I'm past being polite now and sometimes if I have time have a little fun.

Wish I was brave enough to pull off something like this. This is hilarious:

pollythedolly · 14/02/2018 14:52

My exH has an accident under my policy so I often get calls. They go like this:

Re the accident in January 2014
Me: Yes?
Was there a third party involved?
Me: yes
Would you like to claim against the third party?
Me: yes
Do you have details of the third party?
Me: yes
Can I have those details?
Me: yes, it's a Stag Deer, last seen (insert country road here) I believe they are the property of HM the Queen, address: Buckingham palace, London. Do you think you will be able to help?

Leiaorganashair · 14/02/2018 15:11

My first language is not English. My usual tactic is to put on a really thick accent and pretend I don't understand Grin

bigbluebus · 14/02/2018 15:50

I haven't had any of these cold calls for a couple of months but guess what - since I was on this thread at lunchtime and then went to work for a couple of hours, the phone rang 2 mins after I arrived home and it was .......... a cold caller! Not the accident one though - the are you on benefits you could qualify for a free boiler one. I am sick of telling these people that no, no one in the house is in receipt of benefits so stop ringing. And apparently their number cannot be recognised so BT can't block it Sad

woodlanddreamer · 14/02/2018 15:59

The last few I have had have given up as soon as I asked when it was. One even played an apologetic recording.

butterybiscuitbasebasebase · 14/02/2018 17:01

@DerelictWreck can confirm - I never answer and I haven't had any in at least 6 months

misscheery · 14/02/2018 17:40

Ohhhh let me tell you my favourite

Hello, bla bla, accident

-I don't drive (I doGrin)

-Are you sure?

,????!??!?Hmm

Yorkshirebetty · 14/02/2018 18:02

I am registered with TPS, ex directory but still get these calls. Some funny responses on here. The best I heard was someone replying "no, it wasn't an accident, I meant to kill him!

ExFury · 14/02/2018 18:03

If they are going through a particularly annoying spell I tell them I was, but it was a really long story. Usually they say that's fine and I say I need to turn off a pot/get a seat or whatever and put the phone on the table and see how long it takes them to get bored and hang up.

Binkytheslug · 14/02/2018 20:19

I got really fed up with a whole morning of it. So the next call went like this:
Caller (male): Good morning Mr Slug, I am calling about your accident.... blah, blah....
Me: Can I ask you a question?
C: Sure
M: What are you wearing?
C: My suit, why?
M (disappointed tone): Oh.... you’re not naked then?
C: ummmm..... no....
M: Oh, it’s just that I’m sat here naked, and... can I think of you being naked while we talk?
C: Umm...... no! (Ends call)

TheRebel · 14/02/2018 20:38

The first voice that asks if you’ve had an accident and when you say yes says they’ll put you through to their ‘supervisor’ is actually a recording, but sounds like a real person having a conversation with you. I only worked this out when I started saying random stuff and the ‘conversation’ continued as if I’d given a standard answer. They will hang up on you very quickly if they think you’re winding them up. I always like to waste a bit of their time as it stops them calling someone else for that short space of time.

RainbowGlitterFairy · 14/02/2018 20:40

Dad once went into great detail about the crash then finished with 'and the worst bit is I died and hardly anyone turned up to my funeral.'

YetAnotherUser · 14/02/2018 20:51

I just don't answer them.

Binkytheslug · 14/02/2018 20:56

The problem is that they now call from a line that either looks like a mobile, or has an area code, so you can’t be certain it’s not a personal call.

reetgood · 14/02/2018 20:57

You don’t need to be an arse. My usual response is ‘who informed you?’. And they always hang up on me!

MrsJoshDun · 14/02/2018 20:59

I tell them my head fell off. But the accident was my fault and I was very drunk.

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