To ask for ways to annoy exp (lighthearted!)

[Pratchettsdaughter]

Exp has once again been a massive fucking knob. I hate the fact that he’s still in my life, takes up so much headspace and causes arguments in my marriage. Dd is 12, we split when she was 1 although it was pretty rocky all the way as he had an affair I found out about when I was pregnant. I have always done my best to keep things amicable for the sake of dd - I never wanted her to feel stressed that we were arguing or worried or like she couldn’t talk to me about him. He just sails through life with little fucking regard for anyone else though and it’s pissing me right off!
So - in the absence of doing anything to cause problems for dd how can I make life just that little bit more difficult for him??

By simply getting on with your life. Once you are happy again that is the best form of “revenge”.
Whilst you still care enough to feel angry, you’re not properly over the relationship.
You have to care enough to dislike/hate.
It may seem like he is getting the better end of the deal but you don’t know what’s happening behind closed doors. Have faith in Karma.
I hope you feel better about it all soon.

Good advice! It bothers me that he can have so much impact on my life but I’m not sure how to completely disassociate while we still have to negotiate regarding dd 😒

My ex is probably pretty pissed off by the simple fact that I'm still breathing.

Yes my continued successful relationship pisses off my ex apparently (I must admit to being ever so slightly smug about that when I found out). I may have recently rearranged the photos in our living room so there is a lovely wedding one visible as I walk in my house .... it seems everyone coming to the door gets to notice it too.

As for the arrangements i keep a calendar by the door. I write things on there. Now my eldest is also 12 she mostly fills it in when at her dads. She enjoys doing it and he is prompted to check as she forgets if he only mentions it in passing. Then he and I only need to negotiate over holidays and longer stints.

Perhaps I’ll rearrange the photos when I get home too!! 😀
I am very happy really, married, another child, nice house, live in a great place etc so it’s not that. It’s more that his fucking around with turning up late for pick ups, dropping her off late, not communicating until the last minute etc means I’m always having to adjust things around him. He’s really fucked me off this time though & I hate the feeling that he still has some control over my life with his fuckwittery! I want to feel like I have some control back I guess !

What sort of issues cause arguments? Of course you're irritated that that is the case, what would help there?

I am lucky that my DH has remarried parents and is all too familiar with the complications that can come up. But there are occaisional tensions because time is so limited for us all to do things. it is a minefield

I’d go for silly things like any cards/gifts you get DD for him, fill with that annoying glitter confetti!

Simple.. Earn more money, buy a nicer house, be in a happier relationship and whatever you do, never ever ever give in to the temptation to play his silly games, be rude or insulting back or in anyway be anything less than perfect in your conduct towards him.

Pisses mine off a treat!

Oh after many cancellations I learned to show zero reaction "oh ok" would be my response. Started having favourite meal basics in as standby so my daughters would talk excitedly about those dropped visits.
There are less now

It's unbearably frustrating when someone who causes you so many difficulties seems to have a life of plain sailing themselves - I can 100% sympathise with the desire to screw them over somehow just a little. But there's little you can do realistically that won't make things more difficult for you and DD. Things like rearranging photos sound like a good idea though.

If it's any consolation at all, just think - if his life now is so perfect, he wouldn't be wasting headspace playing games with you. Either you get under his skin enough that he'd expend effort to annoy you or he's bitter/unhappy somewhere else in his life.
In either case, you living happily and paying little mind to what he does would be the biggest kick in the teeth, even if he would never let you see that.

The best revenge is to live well. I know my bastard cheating ex was rather put out that I was doing better without him, more money, more space and less flippin mess everywhere... bliss!

And it “really hurt” when I started dating apparently. I told him at least I had waited until we were finished - even he conceded that he deserved that

Glitter confetti! That’s a plan 🤣 And I love the idea of keeping favourite meals in when he’s crap or cancels. Dad cancelling will now be sushi night!!
Dh gets pissed off because our plans get held up or changed to accommodate him. It’s not often anything major - just things like he’s supposed to pick her up to take her sat morning activity but leaves late so one if us has to takes her and she meets him there. It’s not a big deal but it delays us by an hour or so and there’s little option because it’s always so last minute!
He went for a year of paying no maintenance while starting up a new business, effectively just expecting me and dh to fill in financially for him when he could have earnt some money and now is paying a pittance when they seem to eat out all he time etc. I think he thinks we’re well off as we own our house (with mortgage) and they’re still renting. What he doesn’t understands is that we have a nice house but no cash for dinners out or Disney dad activities and presents that he provides!! Sorry - ranting now but it makes me cross!!!!