Husband invited people to stay in our house

[sag1977]

Over Christmas and without consulting me (he never does about anything), my husband invited a young woman he worked with (who lives literally down the road in her own flat) to stay at our house on Christmas day while we were out of the country because she and her boyfriend 'wanted to have a fire over Christmas' (we have a fireplace).

I thought this was risky and weird - I don't know her or her boyfriend and it seemed a bit gratuitous and just unnecessary - they could have accidentally started an actual fire accidentally, or left the oven on after their one night stay (we weren't due back for a week), or whatever else - it just seemed like a bad idea. She's really posh and 'entitled' from the sound of it, and my husband prioritises the wants and wishes of literally everyone over mine, so of course he gave her the keys, and whenever I objected to the idea, he said I was a selfish bitch.

Anyway, we returned after a week to find that she had left the bathroom fan on for a week (as I figured she would for some reason), left all her christmas gift rubbish (even though I can see her house from mine - so that's weird that she didn't just take it home) and somehow they broke the door of our fridge, without leaving a note or offer to pay to fix it. They had previously offered a hamper to my husband as thanks, but instead left 2 bottles of wine and a card with his name spelled wrong.

Understandably I was raging, as I knew something bad would happen and it did, and I don't know why I had to offer my home to a stranger for no valid reason, but my husband says I'm insane and selfish, and we didn't speak for a month over it. I was so mad that I had to buy a new hinge for the fridge and go without groceries because of her selfishness, and it took a month to get a joiner to fix it - the inconvenience was so avoidable, but worse was my husband calling me a selfish crazy bitch for not welcoming her, and then for being mad that I had to take care of her garbage and fix the damage she made. I just thought it was all so pointless, and I don't know why literally everyone is more important to him than I am. He also gave her the keys to our house as his 'emergency keyholder', but when we asked for them back, she didn't drop them off as promised (despite being 100 metres away) and it took around 2 days to get them - I think he may have had to go to her in the end to get them? I don't know as he flew into a rage if I brought it up.

She never contacted him again (she stopped working at his firm at Christmas), so she wasn't even a good friend (or friend at all, it seems). She got what she wanted I suppose, and left us out of pocket and inconvenienced, with me having to work at home to accommodate a joiner more than once, and unable to buy fresh food, and DH and I not speaking for a month. So am I a selfish crazy bitch, or was the whole situation ridiculous to begin with? He does this sort of thing all the time, and when I object he says I need therapy. I just don't know why the needs of everyone else supersede mine, and whether there's any hope of this changing.

[eggsandwich]

I’m afraid I’d of been incandescent with rage and as it’s a regular thing I’m sorry to say I’d of called time on the relationship.

Ffs it’s your home not a holiday home you rent out, I presume you both own the house if so your wishes need to be taken into consideration.

[Motoko]

I'd have left him long ago, regardless of whatever other shit was going on in my life. I couldn't have lived like this for years.

Whatever other stuff you have going on, this must be affecting your ability to deal with the other stuff. You need to leave.

[robertaplumkin]

bizarre. where is your self worth? obviously he's U But why on earth are you putting up with it? have RTFT but those reasons are not sufficient and i can only imagine you don't believe that you are with better! either that or he's got money

[Regularsizedrudy]

Why are you with someone who calls you an insane selfish bitch? He is supposed to love you.

[lurkingnotlurking]

He's pretty much gaslighting you for what's normal behaviour in a relationship. The fact that you even need to ask us.... Fuck him, honestly.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

Divorce him, He'll probably start being nice to you then.

What a twatsack.

[Dontwantanicknamethanks]

Op, you sound sane and smart. Your husband sounds crazy and if not a little creepy. Only guessing, but he could have had a thing for her (don't discount the previous comment on secret cameras!) and may have even been a little turned on at the thought of posh girl having sex in his house (I assume they did). Could his extreme reaction be an attempt to hide his true feelings and thoughts about the episode? It is such weird behaviour. Regardless, it sounds like you don't love him anymore and he makes your life intolerable. Can you leave easily? Do you have children? I know you have got other things going on but could they take a back seat whilst you start the leaving process? Hope you work this out soon