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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to know if any of you feel like this too?

14 replies

Gigimoll · 13/02/2018 10:53

I had dd last April. I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant with sciatica that's killing me to walk down the hall to the toilet so ignore me if I'm really hormonal.
This was happening before.. I'm just so so so fed up. I get no help and I'm struggling to even pay my rent cause dp won't get a job.
But aside from that im on about mentally.
I feel so worthless. I feel like I don't deserve my children or even any kindness. My parents are helping me out and I just don't deserve it. They've been amazing but I feel awful I can't even give them anything back. It's my birthday soon and I just don't feel like I can even do anything because why should I? Instead my parents are going out for me. I'm desperate for new bras but I don't buy them cause I don't feel like I can for myself. Not that I'm incapable. (well, I'm getting to that point with my back) I just don't deserve them. I just feel like I don't want to be here. I'm crying nearly every day when dd is asleep for the night. Dp is usually downstairs gaming so he won't hear and that's not good for my little girl or my ds to be around.
My contraceptive failed and this pregnancy wasn't planned and I feel so shit I can barely keep a roof over my daughter never mind provide for my son. Thankfully I have everything I need for him from dd. I've thought about abortion, adoption. I just can't do that though. He's my baby.
I just feel so.. Beaten down by it all.
Do any of you feel like this? I just sit in the same four walls every day as I'm struggling to get about and just wonder if there's more to life than all this.

OP posts:
Snowydaysarehere · 13/02/2018 10:55

Scissors.
Cut the plug off his games console and tell him to get a job or he needs to leave. Your dps must be saints to stand by while he cocklodges and they pay for it!!
Get tough or this is it for your future op.

Your dc deserves a df not a teen sibling.

SenoritaViva · 13/02/2018 10:58

You do deserve help and love, please don't feel like that. Start doing little things for yourself that you like (mine is going to bed early and lighting a smelly candle).

When they're little are the hardest years, so give yourself some slack.

Also I think you need to give your partner an ultimatum. Get his shit together or out. He's not helping you in your hour of need. Flowers

Original poster
Gigimoll · 13/02/2018 11:04

I told him to get out the other day (I meant the other room but I did actually say out the house) and I told him his gaming addiction (yes, addiction) was ruining everything and he needs to help me more. An I just got this is who I am and this is most men now. They all game apparently. I'm grateful to him for my dc. But I don't know what I want anymore. I know if we split my kids would be dragged back to his nans miles away on 3 buses when they're older and they'll miss out on their lives where with me. Friends, school, cause he won't sort himself out. If his nan dies he will be homeless. I can't have my dc around that so I put up.
My parents are saints. They came over to help me strip the kitchen walls and move some things for me so they can have the spare room to help with dd when ds is here. Dp didn't help them once.
They asked me earlier what were doing for valentines. Nothing was the answer. Dp wouldn't show me that sort of kindness or gratitude

OP posts:
Thissameearth · 13/02/2018 11:04

Aww OP you deserve love and support and for you to recognise that and be nice to yourself. Start off getting the bras. If you struggle to see your worth now and do nice things for your own sake then fake it til you make it and see it as doing it for your children (born and unborn) as they need you to be in good shape. Work up to getting rid of partner: it breaks my heart and makes meangry to hear of someone not willing to help his daughter, unborn son and in pain pregnant partner. Do not think twice about your parents helping you - think of your own daughter if there was any way you could help her at any point in her life you’d fall over yourself to do so wouldn’t you? Sounds like your parents think the same about you. Really feel for you OP and hope things get better

Original poster
Gigimoll · 13/02/2018 11:05

You wouldn't think I was talking about an almost 30 year old would you?

OP posts:
SenoritaViva · 13/02/2018 11:05

By the way I used to feel like this. When they're small there is no respite. Have you tried talking to your partner about what it's like to be you? Not accusing him of anything (i.e. You aren't helping) but just how awful it is for you. If he's any kind of human he will start supporting you.

It does get better. It's still hard work but more balanced now (my youngest is six).

PinkHeart5914 · 13/02/2018 11:06

The reason you feel so down is becuase you have a waste of space dp that won’t work and plays games all night. What does this non working dp do to help you? Your 33 weeks pregnant and have sciatica so he does the bulk of household chores, cooking, childcare Yes?

So how does he plan on helping you make sure HIS dc have a roof over thier heads? Thing is regardless of if you have a cot etc for the new baby, that baby still needs a home, warmth, nappies, wipes and formula if you aren’t thinking of breastfeeding and all that costs money. So what is the plan? I think an ultimatum is needed tbh!

As your struggling to get out, do little things for yourself at home, read before bed, watch your favourite programme, light a nice candle and have some quiet time.

I am pretty sure you are not worthless, of course you will be worth something. Your dd loves you I am sure, your parents are helping you out becuase they love you and think you are worth the help.

UgandanKnuckles · 13/02/2018 11:06

The gaming isn't to blame, he's just a selfish dick.

SenoritaViva · 13/02/2018 11:08

Don't not break up with your partner because of his nan etc. He sounds like a selfish idiot and needs to grow up fast. He won't whilst you're 'allowing' him to be such an idiot. Brew

Thissameearth · 13/02/2018 11:10

That is not all men now he’s a fucking idiot. You can’t ruin your life and your kids lives here and now, for fear of possible future (which may not arise and which could be solved) l He sounds like he’s completely checked out and has no respect for you or your parents. If having a kid and one in the way does motivate him to get up and earn and help cooking cleaning playing caring then nothing will. It may be the making of him it may not but it sounds like you have nothing to lose and everything to gain

Original poster
Gigimoll · 13/02/2018 11:10

Dole money. Which he's waiting for. No intention of getting a job. He expects me to apply for them. I don't get 5 mins to watch anything never mind stay up and apply for jobs I may telepathically know he wants. I try to entertain dd as much as I can. She prefers me anyway. Dp just shouts at her for wiggling about on his lap while he's gaming. (dad award goes to..
. not him clearly)

OP posts:
Thissameearth · 13/02/2018 11:11

Oh so many typos ^ baby asleep on me!

Original poster
Gigimoll · 13/02/2018 11:13

I just can't see a way out of how I feel personally. I love dd so much I'm struggling to bond with ds so badly which worries me that I won't be a good mom. I'm 21 but the old life I had seems like a dream.

OP posts:
youwillbepk · 13/02/2018 18:13

You and your children can make a fresh start, you are good enough ! Don't put yourself down. Can you stay with your mum and dad? I had to leave my partner at 22 I had a 18 month old and a 6 month d but I couldn't of stayed! You can make a better life for you and your children.

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