Lacking headspace for literally anything else?

[VelvetSpoon]

Do others feel like this too?

I just about get through the day. I go home and think I'll do xyz and do nothing really. Weekends is similar.

I've just lost 2 relatives (extended family, though immediately family went long ago). Nothing is progressing in my life because I can barely manage to keep everything going as it is.

The slightest thing tips me over the edge. Yesterday it was the sink being blocked. Today it will be a bin not being emptied.

I don't like my job, I am grossly underpaid compared to male colleagues. But the effort of looking for a job (which is huge, my job doesn't really exist elsewhere, so I have to try and find something which embraces some elements of it. Ideally the ones I enjoy although as I don't enjoy any that is difficult...) is completely beyond me. I cannot face 2 hours a night looking for alternatives and probably finding nothing.

I need to complete renovations to my house but I can't do much of it myself even if I could find motivation, and I have yet to find a decent tradesmen as everyone I've used has done a shit job. And looking for another again requires hours and hours of effort.

And the whole thing is just overwhelming. I've got text messages I haven't replied to because honestly what's the point. A group of friends are trying to arrange a meet up. I just can't be bothered. The fact it's done by endless text and not WhatsApp or email because they don't have access to this is just another irritation.

Honestly at the moment I'm happiest on my own at home in my unfinished house. Just the limited interaction I have with people at work grates. All the inane chit chat, having to listen to details of their perfect lives (ditto all social media). I just cannot be bothered to deal with any of it!

It's never too lat for councellng. That's what there for , for peopl who haven't been able to talk about there stuff for ages and move it out. Wich is most people !! Go for it

If you just want to be alone in your own house, why don't you take 5 days off work and just be alone in your house. Put your needs first for once. You don't need to justify or explain it to anyone. It's none of their business.

From another ‘velvet’, I’m sorry you feel so low. You sound a lovely thoughtful person and I hope you find brighter times soon.

Are you me? I completely understand where you are coming from. A series of bad events that began at the start of the year have made me shut myself away from the world because I feel like when everything is as mess I can't take anything else going wrong even if it is minor like forgetting to take the bin out. I started to see a counsellor because although I feel my problems are circumstantial, and once they are solved I will go back to normal, that also this period has shown me that I don't have the right tools to cope when things go wrong. Everybody is different, but maybe counselling might help you too? Especially as there is definitely grief going on in the background as well.

Sorry you're going through a bad patch, OP - we all have them and they are shit when you are in them and feel like nothing nice will ever happen again .

Can you force yourself to make those arrangements to see your friends? It can just feel like one more chore, but when you force yourself to do it you might find it energising. Also you will get a chance to talk about how you are feeling, get some moral support etc. I would prioritise this over the house (which can wait) and the job hunt (just take the crappy money for another while). I don't think the house of job are really the problem - I think reaching out to the people in your life will help more. Also (boringly) exercise can break a negative thought loop.

What's your general health like? Do you have a good diet, are you eating lots of greens, fruit and lean protein and do you steer clear of highly processed foods?

In my early 40s I felt similar and this was the start of peri menopause for me. Changing my diet had a huge effect on how I felt.

Exercise. Getting any? You need some, even if it's a brisk walk in your lunch break.

Sleep, how's that?

Take care of yourself and you will start to be able to cope better.

You might not be depressed yet but you sound like you are on the road to it.

Oh and btw, my last two sofas came from ebay, seriously. They were both lovely and in really good condition. People do sell crappy knackered ones but also sell because of house moves etc. Hired a man with a van to pick up and deliver. Cost a couple of hundred quid.

Speak kindly to yourself every day.

I think you need bereavement counselling op. Cruse are bereavement counsellors and they are free, but usually have a long waiting list. Maybe try googling counsellors in your area and seeing if any of them appeal to you, IME they cost £40 for 50 mins..Any decent counsellor understands that when times are difficult, things from our past come back to bite us and you losing your parents so young has understandably had a massive effect on you. It's not just living without your parents, its seeing the love and support and companionship so many of your friends and peers have had from their mum and dad that you know you've missed out on. That's what eats away at you and covers the way you feel about everything. Its no wonder you are feeling so overwhelmed and unsupported, like you're in a big void and everything's happening around you but you are stuck doing nothing. I feel the same way sometimes, so rootless and unsupported, like someone has fired me out a cannon into space and I'm just there, in life, by myself.

I really dont know the answer but I do think counselling would help you get your head around why you feel like this and even just acknowledge your grief. And grief hasn't a time limit, unfortunately. I'm sorry I can't be more positive and say something to comfort you more, but I think just knowing there's others out there who understand you helps sometimes and makes you feel less alone