How do you handle it when your children just won't make the grades for the career they want?

[Lawdoc]

Dd1 is going to just about scrape hopefully level 4s so a low C due to learning needs. Quite possibly more 3s.
All the careers she has mentioned are unreachable at uni level for her and would require high score a levels. (think Doctor/surgeon/teaching etc)

How do you deal with it?
I've tried suggesting other roles in the same sort of field which are more attainable but she's not interested.
She believes she can do it.
I don't want to smash her dreams or bash her self esteem but at the same time when she tries to apply for college she is going to get rejected by them.

Help!

[carefreeeee]

Don't do anything until she has her grades. Encourage her and help her to work hard and aim high. When she has the grades, see where she can go with them. She will work out for herself what she can and can't do, but being told she can't do things is not going to help her to achieve what she can. The biggest barrier to achieving an enjoyable and well paid career is attitude not ability. Fair enough it doesn't sound like medicine or law is going to be for her, but maybe she can still get further than it appears at the moment with those grades.

[Snowysky20009]

Yes teaching DOES require a degree!

[PancakeInMaBelly]

Yes teaching DOES require a degree!
Teaching FE doesnt. Teaching in special needs school doesnt. You can do a non grad equivalent of a PGCE while you work.

[AHungryMum]

Getting into medicine via the alternative route suggested by some others still requires you to be very strong academically, so I fear it potentially isn't a realistic option for your daughter unfortunately.

I wouldn't write off teaching though. Yes it is a graduate profession these days but you do not need to be a straight A student to get in...not by a long chalk.

As others have said, there might be some merit in waiting until she has completed her exams, seen what her grades are, and then that might help facilitate a conversation about what uni courses and careers are realistic for her. Focussing on what she can do rather than what she can't sounds like a good idea, and commending her for her determination and work ethic.

Good luck to you both either way. You sound like a caring parent and she sounds like a hard working kid. :)

[BeauMirchoff]

In order to have a qualified teacher status, you do need a degree. And even for the equivalent of PGCE, you still need a degree.

[gillybeanz]

No, you don't need a degree?
what about teachers who teach subjects where a degree isn't available.
You are confused.
To teach a subject where a degree is possible you need the degree and a PgCE.
You can't take a PgCE if you don't have a degree, for obvious reasons, so you take a B.ed, followed sometimes by a M.ed, the B.ed allows you to teach your subject to the level below the one you have.
This is obviously for further and higher ed teaching as compulsory school subjects all offer degrees iirc.

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

You can definitely teach in FE without a degree, you get your QTS equivalent in on the job training, including degree level quals. Many/most lecturers in agriculture, animal care, construction etc etc etc do not have a degree! They even teach on HE courses!

To teach A levels you need a degree, usually, but not always in subject - I taught psychology with no psych degree (I taught it as my second subject); the art teacher had no degree at all! It isn't absolute.

But OP... you probably need to step away a bit. Your DD now needs to work it out for herself, disappointments and all. She will have had all the info she needs, the application process is not done in a vacuum! There will be a teacher somewhere tearing their hair out, waiting for the penny to drop!

[milliemolliemou]

Pancake sadly some private schools are not great. Or the children at them don't want to accept the often excellent help on offer because like OP's DD1 they think they know it all. So private schools are not a panacea.

OPs DD1 may smash it but all OP can do is believe in her and make sure her path is smooth (no nagging, food etc). And be around to discuss alternatives when the results come in. DD1 will be all the better prepared if she sorts herself out.

[BeauMirchoff]

@gillybeanz you most definitely need a degree (any kind of degree tbh) but you have more of a chance with a degree that's closer to the subject you want to teach. What you DON'T need is a PGCE as there are different routes into teaching.
I'm really just citing what's on the get into teaching website and my own experience of becoming a qualified teacher.

[PancakeInMaBelly]

Pancake sadly some private schools are not great.

Youve really missed my point
Which is that arrogence is beneficial for success in school/work. Self doubt is not.

Theres a lot of posters encouraging the OP to get her daughter spoken to so she stops dreaming big.

[gillybeanz]

i'm a qualified teacher and believe me the people teaching in FE and HE I know have not had to invent a degree in the subject they teach, if there isn't one available.
They did however have to take teaching qualification.
If you held a degree because your subject had a degree, you took a PgCE as did I.

However, some of my peers had the highest qualification offered in their subject, usually a high level BTEC, as they weren't able to get a degree as none existed, they took a B.ed.
ironically with this degree some went on to teach education rather than their own subject.

[PancakeInMaBelly]

Getting into medicine via the alternative route suggested by some others still requires you to be very strong academically, so I fear it potentially isn't a realistic option for your daughter unfortunately.

Why?
Not everyone peaks in their mid teens you know.

If she sets her heart on it now and gets lots of support, she could well leave her school grades behind and excel in college, uni, GAMSAT and medical school!

People do. It mostly takes grit and determination.

[greathat]

As a teacher I've had a few awkward conversations with unrealistic kids (and parents) think struggling in bottom set and wanting to be a surgeon. People don't ever seem to want to accept their own limitations. Just start looking at alternatives and call them back up plans

[gillybeanz]

I think realism is the most important thing.
I left school with nothing at all, eventually in my thirties when Tony Blair made it easy for me, I studied.
i'm glad I did but i soon found that teaching wasn't for me.
So sticking out for what you think you'd like, doesn't always work.
there are alternatives to gaining certain qualifications, but you could still find you are a round peg trying to fit into a square one.
There again, I know it worked for others who finally gained the quals they wanted, in later life.

I know it's hard when you have a child that struggles, mine is the same. We are fortunate that her school will allow her an extra year before college if she needs to retake any GCSE's or A levels, and her chosen course needs very little in terms of grades.

Is there something she is good at that you can encourage, maybe show her some jobs in this area. As pp have said use it as a plan B. Although, if anything like mine she doesn't believe in plan B.

[LemonysSnicket]

Apprenticeships.

[LemonysSnicket]

She has to be realistic and eliminate doctor, lawyer etc though.

Teaching mY be reachable through apprenticeships.

[LittleLostLion]

Please don’t show her other options. Someone doing this to me when I was 16 / 17 killed my confidence, and it was purely because my learning style was different to how they thought people should learn.

I was told to apply for universities that only required a single C/D grade in a totally different field of study. They refused to write my reference otherwise.

I’m now finishing my PhD in my chosen field and still don’t think I’m good enough to complete it because of their comments and persuasion...

[user1471426142]

There is something about helping her to ensure she reaches her potential but I don’t think it does anyone any favours to be unrealistic about the requirements for certain courses at certain universities and later job prospects. The graduate market is tough at the moment. I’ve got interns that are super accomplished with straight A’s that have struggled to secure graduate scheme roles. It sounds like medicine is a stretch too far given the grades but other health professional roles might be more suitable.

I had a friend at school that did law at a bottom tier university with D’s at A-level. She thought she was going to be a corporate lawyer at a magic circle firm. She has never worked in law. In hindsight she was terribly failed by the school career advice system and was naive about the competitive nature of law and the academic expectations. I admired her self belief and confidence at the time but that belief was crushed a few years later when reality hit home.

[AlexanderHamilton]

Dh is a teacher in Further Education. It helps that he teaches a practical subject (music). He left school with an A in music, a C in English & mostly D’s. At college he was able to retake his maths & was allowed to take A level music & General Studies. These days it would probably be a Btec in music. He did a music degree then got onto a PGCE & is about to start a masters.

If you can get enough Grade 4’s there are a lot of btec courses that are assessed slightly differently that can lead onto uni. A girl I know did Btec Performing Arts & is now doing a primary PGCE.

[LemonysSnicket]

The problem is even if she could get onto the course ... could she keep up considering it seems she can’t keep up at GCSE?

My DSis got 9 A*s and she still had to resist some of her medicine exams.

[dottycat123]

There is a new nursing associate role which does not require a degree, she may consider this as it is being promoted as a good step up clinically from a HCA. Everyone who is suggesting waiting for results may not realize that she is likely doing foundation level gcse's so could only get a maximum of a 5.

[AHungryMum]

@Pancakeinmabelly I agree with that to a certain extent but we are talking here about a kid who is working hard and expected to barely pass a modest number of GCSEs. We are not talking about a fair to middling kid who is on course to easily get a mix of 9 Bs to Cs who might just, with a few extra years of maturity and more stimulation, turn out to be the sort of straight A high achiever you need to be to do medicine. I know some people peak later, but the gulf between where the OP's daughter is presently and where she needs to be academically to be able to get into, and cope with, a medicine degree just seems too wide. I don't say this to be unkind and I will always have huge respect for people who are not academically strong but still motivated to work hard and be the best they can be. Always.

There is no shame in admitting you aren't academic enough to do medicine. I know I wouldn't have been. It's probably the most challenging degree course there is as far as I can tell (or joint top). What @LemonysSnicket said is completely correct in my opinion, ditto @user1471426142 - the last paragraph of hser1471...'s post about the law graduate who was failed by her school careers advisor struck a chord with me. I did law at a top 10 law school, and even for our peer group there were plenty who were struggling to get training contracts. I once got asked to attend a law careers fair at what would realistically be classed as a bottom tier Uni and there was a lad there talking about wanting to go into a field like mergers and acquisitions, and I just felt sad for him. There was no way that lad was ever going to get taken on by a big City firm and I totally agree that his careers advisors at school/uni had let him down by not managing his expectations properly. I didn't feel it was my place to say so though so just smiled and let him take some leaflets about corporate law from my then-employers stand...

[mathanxiety]

I am wondering if her unrealistic dreams are part and parcel of her learning needs profile?

[BonnieF]

My friend’s daughter is absolutely passionate about animals, and had her heart and soul set on becoming a vet.

She was heartbroken when her GCSE grades were not strong enough to allow her to study science A-Levels, never mind achieving AAA to get a place on a veterinary medicine degree course. Her mum never stopped encouraging her, however, and she soon got a job as a trainee veterinary nurse and is now a qualified VN who loves her job.

[Kaykay06]

Who says she won’t get there, might just take her a bit longer than someone else

I was that kid, wanted to be a nurse
Since I was tiny, that’s all I wanted to be.
Am badly dyslexic, School said I should aim lower, I’d never make it and I was setting myself up for a fall. My mother had unwavering belief that one day I would do what I wanted. So she supported me, helped me, went to the school to get extra help etc etc withOut that not sure where I would’ve been now.

So I did 2 pre nursing courses 1 to get me into the access course and one to get me into uni. I also had major surgery before starting uni so worked in a residential home for a year as I had to defer. I was bullied at school quite badly, so very shy.
I worked my arse off, got into uni to become a paeds nurse and qualified & have been nursing for 12 years and love it.
She will get there, if she has the determination and you behind her one way or another she will get there.