How do you handle it when your children just won't make the grades for the career they want?

[Lawdoc]

Dd1 is going to just about scrape hopefully level 4s so a low C due to learning needs. Quite possibly more 3s.
All the careers she has mentioned are unreachable at uni level for her and would require high score a levels. (think Doctor/surgeon/teaching etc)

How do you deal with it?
I've tried suggesting other roles in the same sort of field which are more attainable but she's not interested.
She believes she can do it.
I don't want to smash her dreams or bash her self esteem but at the same time when she tries to apply for college she is going to get rejected by them.

Help!

[PancakeInMaBelly]

You can do a graduate entry test for medicine if you didnt get into medicine and did another degree instead

[Teabagtits]

I went through school being told I wasn’t good enough, a C student, so that’s what I became. I had dreams and teachers laughed at me for having them. I wasn’t taught how to pass exams well (purely a technique) so I scraped through with minimal effort.

I went to uni later as a mature student without the high school grades I’d have needed at 17. I studied law at a Russell Group & got straight A’s from day one.

I believe the majority of people have it in them to be whatever they want. They just have to learn how to learn and find the different techniques necessary to pass the relevant exams well. With enough determination and extremely hard work your daughter can do it. Maybe not at 16/17 but it will come. Show her alternative routes into her desired professions instead of trying to point her in the direction of what YOU think is more suited. Let any deviance from her dream be because she’s made that choice not because others have told her or implied it won’t happen.

[PancakeInMaBelly]

One of the big advantage of private education is they just keep telling you that you can, or could if you worked harder.

So kids do.

I know several people who went from being told they could never aim high academically in state schools, into private schools where they did achieve highly.

[Lawdoc]

'I went through school being told I wasn’t good enough, a C student, so that’s what I became. I had dreams and teachers laughed at me for having them.'

So did I tea. That's why I don't want to put her off.

[littlemisscomper]

Could you afford a tutor? Maybe she'll never be a doctor but if she manages to get passes at GCSEs she'll be better equipped for further education - maybe to train as a paramedic? Or if she likes animals, vet nursing? Maybe you could organise afternoon/weekend work experience in a variety of fields for inspiration? If nothing else that would look good on her CV.

And I agree it's great that she's determined! I could have done better in my exams but I wasn't driven enough to try.

[PurpleDaisies]

You can do a graduate entry test for medicine if you didnt get into medicine and did another degree instead

You can, but it’s phenomenally competitive to get in.

I don’t think the op needs to encourage or discourage careers yet. Just support the daughter with her exams now.

[Lawdoc]

Can't afford a tutor but more than willing to help her and can help source experience.

[IncyWincyGrownUp]

You need to be the support network. School and college will do the brutally simplistic ‘not even close enough’ talks, and you get to do the hugs and helping repiece career plans.

[Qvar]

You can't shield her, I'm afraid you can only catch her.

She's not going to medical school with level 4s at GCSE, you and I both know this and the posters telling you not to discourage her are perhaps unfamiliar with the new GCSE grading system.

However.

It would allow her onto either a foundation or (more likely) a pre nursing course. A pre nursing course, if passed, could lead to entry onto a degree course in nursing. She could certainly work as a highly qualified medic but it may take her longer to get there.

[paranoidpammywhammy2]

My friend and her eldest son have what I consider totally unrealistic expectations for him in a non-academic career. I think she's just trying to support him - but sometimes I don't know.

She talks about breaking it down into achievable steps and the ladder for success. There don't seem to be any backup plans. A lot of time, money and energy is being spent on a boy that is good at something rather than great. There seems to be very little effort going towards his schooling.

I think she's doing everything to give him the most chance of achieving what he wants regardless of the likeliness of him ever achieving it. She's fully supporting his dreams so she can say she's given everything to make it possible.

I admire the attitude.

[LuluJakey1]

If she gets 3s o 4s at GCSE thete is no way she would get into Medicine at uni. They want 8s and 9s at GCSe and As at A level- no re-sits to improve grades accepted. It is incredibly competitive. You sound well aware of the OP. Somehow, she needs to be too but not be so demoralised now that she gives up at GCSE.
She will come round to something else because she will have to. All you can do is support her.

[Coyoacan]

No offence to teachers, but teaching is a broad church. Teaching English as a Foreign Language, for example, does not even require a university education.

[Laine21]

it will depend on what her learning needs are, a friend of mine is dyslexic and also has slight discalcula but she qualified as a teacher and actually teaches students with special needs, she has a wonderful classroom support who helps her with lesson prep etc...as her school recognises she needs support. herself.
My daughter was really struggling at school because of her dyslexia and my friend suggested a private SEN tutor, so we hired one who had been a deputy head in an SEN school before retiring, and he was wonderful, helped her for two years developing strategies and helping with memory games etc.., she went on to achieve 3 A levels, a degree and a masters. it took her 6 years at uni, the uni were amazing - giving her an extra year to complete everything when it was discovered she also had a heart condition that made her very tired.

if your daughter has real ambitions, talk with her how to get what she wants, it may take longer and be a round a bout route, but it may work out for her. Make sure any college is aware of her issues and they will make adjustments and arrange support. She has the disability discrimination act to support her in what she wants, where appropriate.

[Thursdaydreaming]

I agree that you should let the school or college do the dirty work of rejecting her. You can be realistic but back off trying to make her change plans. She will get rejected and think of something else, that will be disappointing for a few days but it's not the end of the world.

I think it's normal to have unrealistic dreams at her age. When I was that age, a lot of my friends did, some got in the courses, some didn't, but it worked out fine in the end for all of them. OTOH, I never allowed myself any dreams or to think I could achieve anything, was always down on myself. I did get good marks and would have got in to a lot of courses. I realise now it wouldn't have done any harm to think big and believe in myself for a short while - at least before real life hits.

[Elllicam]

I agree that there are generally ways around things. If it is something like medicine there are programs for graduate entry. I also agree it shouldn’t be you telling her she can’t do it, let her get her grades then let the school speak to her. It can be so painful to feel that people don’t believe you can do something you really want to do. I fondly remember my aunt telling me I wasn’t bright enough to be a nurse when I was about 15. I suspect my aunts had got together and discussed it . Of course it did make me more determined.

[Loveache]

Focus on the 'can' rather than 'cannot' when she gets results. Also, impress upon her that life is a marathon, not a sprint. People come to careers in different ways and what you wish for at 16 is not usually the same as what suits at 30.
Fwiw, I've a friend who almost failed school and dropped out of various courses afterwards. When she matured, she resat some exams and got herself into a mature student pre-nursing course which led to being accepted to do a nursing degree. My cousin wasn't bright enough for primary teaching, studied sport something instead and is now a PE teacher. Something will work out.

[GetOutOfMYGarden]

She most likely thinks she's going to shock herself and come out with better than 4s.

I'd recommend exploring what she likes about medicine and hunting for something that fits it.

[GetOutOfMYGarden]

If it is something like medicine there are programs for graduate entry.

They're getting less and less though, and are about 8 times more competitive than undergrad with a far worse admissions test. Not wise to bank on it.

[mathanxiety]

Would she be interested in Montessori teacher training?

What support is she getting at the moment with her learning needs?

[MachineBee]

My DD set her heart on nursing and missed her target A level grades in a key subject by one. However, the course she wanted had done interviews and she’d impressed them at that stage. They were prepared to take a chance and offered her a different branch of nursing with a possible option to move to her preferred branch after Foundation.

Her course was a 4year Masters in Nursing Science and many graduates go on to do PhD in Nursing and can use this to move over to Medicine.

As it turned out my DD moved into Clinical Research, but my point is that there are other routes into most professions- sometimes they take a bit longer and require a lot of personal determination.

[BeauMirchoff]

Tell her to talk to the careers advisor at school. There are so many paths into medicine/teaching/law (any kind of profession, really) and university is only one of them. It might take her a bit longer but it's not entirely out of her reach. Don't smash your DD's dreams just yet

[HollyBayTree]

Why arent the careers advisors at school managing her expectations?

[HollyBayTree]

There are so many paths into medicine/teaching/law (any kind of profession, really) and university is only one of them

Im a bit lost with this comment - medicine and law require a degree (teaching does not). How are you going to practice medicine if you arent qualified?

[BeauMirchoff]

@HollyBayTree good question.
OP, if your DD is in y11 (I'm assuming she is) she should have, by now, had a talk with the careers advisor... any idea if she has?

[BeauMirchoff]

@HollyBayTree you can go to college, do different levels and some kind of a foundation course and then get onto medicine. What I meant is that if you can't do A levels and then uni, which is the more straightforward way, there are different options. Sorry, I have re-read my comment and the wording was not right. Ultimately, you do need uni but there are many ways of getting there.
And teaching does require a degree, just like law and medicine.