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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DS1 has come home from work experience and cried.

53 replies

Lawdoc · 12/02/2018 21:46

Ds1 did two weeks work experience last March. He took it for what it was and did enjoy it although despite school insisting everyone would go and if they didn't find a placement school would find them somewhere lots didn't go and ds came back having missed two weeks of lessons and revision sessions and did poorly on the end of year exams.

Ds is currently on work experience again and has had to go to the same placement as they were given three weeks to find somewhere which imo isn't long enough.

Anyway ds actually ended up with another more suitable placement offer last minute but as the previous placement promised to keep him super busy he returned in the area that he wanted experience in and he had already accepted he's gone back. He's currently on his second week.

The biggest issue is that ds has sen and struggles massively with spelling and language and is on the sen register. He has terribly low self esteem and confidence as a result and is very sensitive about it. None of this has been passed on and senco nor the work experience teacher has passed this on.

Anyway they literally have nothing for him to do in the area they told him they would keep him busy despite what they said so they have put him on another area on office and admin duties (fair enough). Of course half of what he has done has wrong spellings and a load of work he has been asked to produce for a public notice board is a mess. He's realised some of it tonight and has absolutely balled as he is going to do the display tomorrow and he is heartbroken.

We have no printer or pc so it's not as though I can help him sort it.

They have another week of this to sort for summer so that's 5 weeks altogether.

OP posts:
lololove · 12/02/2018 23:37

I hated my work experience (2001) - I was working in a care home for adults with learning disabilities - with one resident who was extremely violent if told no or things that didn't go her way.

I was given far too much responsibility, left on my own with the residents far too much and basically trusted with things I never should have been trusted with because the person 'supervising me' didn't want to do it.

I wish I'd had the balls to speak out but i was terrified the entire time because of the responsibility heaped on my shoulders at such a young - untrained! - age.

IMO it was a total waste of time and horrible experience - I sympathise with your poor son. It's alright if you get a good placement but I hated mine and most of my friends got stuck with cleaning or doing 'admin' work or left to their own devices to do pretty much nothing. The entire system sounds like it hasn't changed much.

Qvar · 12/02/2018 23:40

Can you please tell him from me that being badly managed is not the same as being stupid. In my first job I was treated so badly by my supervisor because she was an incompetent manager. She called me an idiot daily. I wasn't an idiot, and neither is your son. We were both very badly managed.

TressiliansStone · 12/02/2018 23:40

Can he cut round the images, so they can be used again on a new background?

NovemberWitch · 12/02/2018 23:41

He isn’t stupid, he has a disability that isn’t being catered for. You saud that the workplace had nothing for him in the area that he thought he’d be working in. What was that? Would he have managed that better, more confidently?
I certainly don’t think there is any point in him doing WE again in the same way. What are his strengths? He hasn’t failed, he has been failed by the adults around him. They should have done their jobs.

ListenToTheWords · 12/02/2018 23:49

Your poor dear boy. My heart goes out to him.

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice or solution. I just wanted to give both of you FlowersBrewCake and a (((hug))).

EatSleepRantRepeat · 12/02/2018 23:49

Oh poor chap, just seen your update! We've all made mistakes at work before - a lot of the NT adults I work with also struggle with random capitalisation, there/their/they're etc. A lot of bigger companies provide special speech to text programmes and visual aids for dyslexia and special needs, would they have access to anything like that for him?

If he's been there before and they have taken him again, he must have done well last time in other areas and be well liked. As other posters have said, could he practice with you about what to say 're his Sen, and also say the kind of work he enjoys/finds easier to do well in? Another alternative if he is fretting could be to do a half day eg go in for the afternoon so he doesn't have a full day of feeling rubbish before coming home? Big hugs to him though Flowers

AjasLipstick · 13/02/2018 00:02

NovemberWitch is right....ask for some changes to be made to accommodate his needs OP....

Summerberriesatdawn · 13/02/2018 00:11

He doesn't have to hand it in. In fact he doesn't even have to go back. It's not mandatory is it?

Lawdoc · 13/02/2018 00:19

Summer it's for a public information board and they are specifically going to this new venue tomorrow to put it up.

Is it not mandatory?
School have said they have to go again in summer. That will be a month of it and I'm not sure what he is gaining from it.

OP posts:
Lawdoc · 13/02/2018 00:22

I'm going to contact school in the morning. I'm tempted to contact the work experience place too.
When he went before he did a lot of sessions which were more what he wanted to do and didn't involve much writing or computer work so wouldn't have shown his difficulties.

OP posts:
Celebelly · 13/02/2018 00:26

Can he get up super early and go with you or someone else to somewhere with a computer and printer? Library? Friend's house?

Celebelly · 13/02/2018 00:27

Obviously that doesn't sort the issues of him being massively let down, but might make him feel a bit better in short term

Summerberriesatdawn · 13/02/2018 00:27

Keep him off tomorrow it's not worth the stress for him and may be you speak to them before he goes back. Oh and scrap the display and explain why.

Lawdoc · 13/02/2018 00:30

Celeb library isn't open until 10am and we literally don't know anyone where we live.
I had encouraged him to tell them that he has a sen which means he has problems with his spelling.

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Lawdoc · 13/02/2018 00:31

I might just not send him tbh.

OP posts:
NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 13/02/2018 00:38

Yes, do not send him, you really do not need him to get crushed tomorrow. Say he has a bug and sort the issue during the day.

Saturnday · 13/02/2018 00:46

I agree that encouraging him to tell them about his SEN is the best way forward, though you could also write them a letter explaining the situation which he can hand over, if he gets tongue tied.

I remember my work experience in a small independent nursery and Primary school. At 14 I was left in sole charge of a class of six nursery aged children all afternoon. I gave them their snack and everything. Imagine if one of them had choked! My blood runs cold.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 13/02/2018 00:46

Can they actually force him to do a month in the summer? They didn't seem too bothered when kids skipped the earlier 2 weeks? That certainly seems a long time to do a job he doesn't enjoy, especially if it saps his confidence with each day.

AlexanderHamilton · 13/02/2018 00:55

Why is he doing WE this year if he did it last year? Most schools do 1 week, 2 at most in Year 10.

This sounds inappropriate to his needs & overkill.

HelenaDove · 13/02/2018 01:18

It was called Project Trident when i did mine in 1988 at Rumbelows. Ah what an experience.............the mother of the lad who was bullying me at school decided to get her own back on me for "telling on him" by making a customer complaint about me.

I asked the manager several times whether the clothes i was wearing was appropriate it was a skirt and blouse (sometimes a jumper) i asked at interview and a couple of times throughout placement and they said "yes you look smart its fine"

So why then did they put on the report afterwards that they had spoken to me about what i wore a few times but "no improvement was forthcoming"

Typing this i have realised that this was one of my first experiences of gaslighting.

I showed my reaction for the way id been treated by playing noughts and crosses all over the form before handing it in to my form tutor.

Bastards

GatoradeMeBitch · 13/02/2018 01:18

Keep him off. It's supposed to be a positive and supported experience. Don't say that he's ill though, tell them why you kept him home.

hotsouple · 13/02/2018 01:18

In my first job, I was a dog washer and given no real training. I ended up giving a dog a chemical burn on their eye with shampoo. Truly felt so horrible. But that mistake made it so my boss had to train me properly, and the mistake pointed out not my faults so much as fault in the management, and I think this is what your son should be feeling. Did they just set up a 14 year old in the corner with a fucking presentation and no one came to check his work or if he needed anything? I would take in the work, so that they can see he made an effort, and then they can use what's wrong with his work and a way to figure out what needs need to be addressed for him to have a successful work experience.

condepetie · 13/02/2018 01:38

He was at this same place last year? So he knows them, and they know him?

Are you sure they're not giving him allowances for his disability? He's been there before - are they the same people that he knew last year?

emmyrose2000 · 13/02/2018 02:17

Your poor son. This isn't his fault at all. He's been massively failed by his school who didn't bother to liaise properly with the workplace.

I wouldn't send him in tomorrow. The negatives (especially to his self esteem and confidence) clearly outweigh any positives - assuming there are any.

Is work experience compulsory for every student in all UK schools? If so, then what a waste of time. Some students doing certain pathways do it here, but it's always related to the course they are doing, not just some random (unrelated) place that will take them on for the required time. There is always proper liaison between the school and workplace as well, so a student with SEN wouldn't just be left to flounder on their own without support.

Lawdoc · 13/02/2018 10:22

To answer some questions last year he was in a mixed age group of year nine and year tens and Ofsted had a moan about lack of work experience so school had a flop and sent them all.

'condepetie

He was at this same place last year? So he knows them, and they know him?'

Yes but last year there was more funding and therefore more sessions so he wasn't really doing jobs that would have shown his needs.

Last year they hadn't even told them how old he was and several places were expecting 16 year olds and were cross to get 13 year olds turn up and sent them back. I've seen some of the email school sent last year as it was tagged into a reply the placement sent to ds and they gave barely any information.

Yes he was shown a picture of the kind of thing they wanted and left to it.

He has chosen to go this morning with the idea that he tells them as he doesn't want to let them down and I have asked for a meeting with school. He won't be going in June for another week!

I understand the benefits of work experience but I'm a bit Hmm that having one day off school or a week off for a holiday can apparently do so much damage academically but a month off doing menial tasks which I could get him to do (self employed) doesn't.

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