AIBU

[newmum2018385]

Would really like an objective opinion on this as am so upset. Have DD who is nine months old. When I told family I was pregnant my sister went mad. As she is older than me she obviously thinks she should have a baby first. I have previously had a very good relationship with my mum and sister. However since having DD I feel completely let down by them.
Every time I visit I come home feeling so upset. They constantly imply that DD should be my sisters. My DD is most of the time quite a happy baby but for some reason my mum has to point out every time she show interest in my sister. Comments like oh she's loves """ and when she get older she will want to be with """ and not you. She even told my sister to hold her child at one point. I am protective over DD but I do not feel this way with any other aunts/ members of the family.
I have tried to tell them and it did calm down for awhile but today it went back to way it was. Even DH said he wasn't happy.
Am I justified in feeling so upset ? AIBU?

Stop going and tell them why.
Tell them she’s your child and they have no rights over and because of their disgusting attitude they aren’t allowed to see her.
Or
Go only when I suits you. I would actually be a bitch and when they started the emotional blackmail - oh d sis will miss her- say well she she needs to have her own.

When I have tried to talk about it. It's often ooh we are only joking. But when something is literally said 4/5 times in an hour every single visit it doesn't feel like a joke

I'd challenge them every single time. And if they say it's a joke I'd say "well I don't like that joke so if you make it again I'm going to leave". And then I would. Every. Single. Time.

They will soon get the message that if they want to see you and DD then they need to stop these "jokes" no matter how funny they think they are (they don't really think they are funny - it's just an excuse).

And only go at times that work for you and DD.

You Mum said “when she get older she will want to be with """ and not you”?

That’s appalling!!

I would go an see my Mum at a time when Dsis isn’t there.

Explain how distressing these “jokes” are and say that you won’t put up with them any more.

The next time you are visiting and they make a “joke” pack up and leave instantly. Don’t argue, cry or make a big drama. Just say, I explained that I wouldn’t be accepting that behaviour any more and leave.

You hold all the cards here. The baby is yours. You control access to her. You don’t have to to put up with this, you can draw a line in the sand.

I wonder if visits to the baby might be better at your house. In your home, with your DH, surrounded by all the toys and equipment it’s going to be much harder to pretend the baby is anyone’s but yours.

I also would be very careful about any unsupervised contact.

They sound utterly thoughtless and weird ... and I'm being nice. I was kind of waiting for you to say that your DM suggested you let Dsis adopt your DD!! Is your Dsis a favourite of your DM? Because even if I was trying to conceive (my younger Dsis had children before me) there's no way that my DM would be so mean spirited towards my Dsis. I think there's some good advice on here: they need to realise exactly how this is affecting you and your DH, and they need to realise what they are doing is very weird and very wrong. I agree with other posters who say that as soon as it starts, tell them to stop or you will leave: and follow up on this if they continue. It is absolutely not your fault or problem that your DSis doesn't have a baby: there is clearly resentment towards you and for some reason your DM is backing your DSis instead of supporting you both. As Thistlebelle said - perhaps insist on visits at your house instead. What they are doing is very unhealthy. You are definitely NBU.

If your sister doesn't have children yet she has no one to blame but herself. They sound horrible-why are you even in contact? Ckearly neither of them care about your feelings.

When I told family I was pregnant my sister went mad. As she is older than me she obviously thinks she should have a baby first.
freaky

Wow, their behaviour is abnormal OP. I can't think of any circumstances where this behaviour would be ok. Even if there's some massive issue and your sister can't conceieve or something, it still wouldn't be in the least bit ok.

I'm really sorry for you but I think you need to just step back for a while and if they start asking why you are not visiting be totally honest with them. Tell them both your feelings are really hurt and their behaviour is completely weird.

Nut Cases! Tell them to fuck right off! They're bloody evil!

They’re crazy fuckers!

They're fucking mental. I'd go no contact seriously. Batshit crazy.

Bonkers!

Start doing things on your terms, not theirs, see them sparingly when it is convenient for you, don't ever be out numbered by them, or just see them separately.

Keep them AWAY from your daughter.

NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC!!!!!!!!!

Lifeisabeach PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEEASE tell me you didn't give in? You didn't hand your baby over like an object?

Yanbu or over reacting, that's really weird.

They sound fucking bonkers OP and you should tell them just that when they next make a comment if you see them again.

Whoa. No YANBU. If my mother and sister behaved that way around my baby I would be very upset and I know my sister would too if it was the other way around.
I'm wondering if possibly your mum knows something about your sister that you don't and perhaps she has confided in her that she is really gutted you had a baby first? Does she want one more than you know? Could your mum just be overcompensating?