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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to tell MIL we don't want to go on Holiday with her?

58 replies

ImBlueDabaDeeDabaDa · 12/02/2018 15:35

My Partner and I have decided that we are going to TTC as soon as we're married in October.
My MIL2b has said that as a wedding present she is going to take us away on holiday to Florida in February. We were supposed to go years ago for my DH2b's 21st birthday but due to several reasons it was postponed.
We have not told MIL that we plan to TTC or indeed, when.
She has asked us if she is okay to book the holiday now or wait closer to the time to wait to see if I get pregnant. (Personally I think this is terribly presumptuous and possibly her way of asking when she's going to get grandchildren)

I'm a bit concerned to go for several reasons.
The first being Zika. We decided against honeymooning in the Maldives due to the virus. Although currently the virus is only in Miami, I still feel like we'd be taking an unnecessary risk. If I'm not pregnant by then, we will have to stop TTC for 6 months after visiting.
The second is the Theme Parks. I don't want to go to Florida and spend hundreds on park entrance fees if I'm not going to be able to go on the majority of the rides. Also, if I am pregnant, I might feel rather crappy with Morning Sickness and won't want to traipse around parks for 2 weeks.

I'm not entirely sure what to do. I don't want to tell her we will be TTC as I don't want to put pressure on ourselves. She's also likely to keep asking if I'm pregnant yet. To be honest, I don't see why we should have to as it's not really any of her business.

That being said, I don't want to seem ungrateful as she is offering to spend thousands on us!

Neither of us want to wait to TTC until the middle of next year.

WIBU to ask her to put off the holiday even further? What reason should we give her for not wanting to go?

Or AIBU to not want to go? Should I just suck it up and go possibly 4 months pregnant?

OP posts:
Original poster
ImBlueDabaDeeDabaDa · 12/02/2018 16:38

MIL split with FIL which is why we didn't go as originally planned. Other Man then died leaving her on her own, so she's now a bit clingy. But that is another thread entirely!
I am worried that it'll become expected she joins us on holidays or visa versa but I would definitely put my foot down. It's just that this one was supposed to be the last family holiday (even though it was supposed to happen 5 years ago!)
I just think if we involve her so early on in any potential babies lives, she might think she's got a say later on, which would drive me potty.

So you all think it's okay and not terribly ungrateful to say no? Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
ImBlueDabaDeeDabaDa · 12/02/2018 16:40

LizardMonitor I wouldn't be keen but would go as it would be the last time we'd do anything with her. Would feel weird about it being a "present" though!

OP posts:
GwenStaceyRocks · 12/02/2018 16:41

What does your DP think since it seems to be a belated birthday present for him? tbh it's probably going to be even harder to go later. Going to the parks with a baby is a waste of time. I think you need an honest chat with your DP rather than MN. If Florida as an adult is his dream holiday then it makes sense to book it before you have a baby rather than after.

billybagpuss · 12/02/2018 16:41

I take it you would actually quite like to go to Florida?

Why don't you wait until after the holiday before TTC? If you delay it, you are going to have to delay it by a few years until any future DC's are old enough to enjoy it, by which time MIL may be too old to enjoy it.

Honestly I wouldn't worry about Zika, its February which is not peak mosquito time and Florida is Zika free with the exception of a small community down in Miami Beach miles away from Orlando.

Also it means you get to enjoy at least 12 months together as a newly married couple before have little people to worry about.

billybagpuss · 12/02/2018 16:42

Just read your update, if you don't want to go, just say no.

Original poster
ImBlueDabaDeeDabaDa · 12/02/2018 16:43

PickettBowtruckles That's a very good point. I think I'll have to sit DH down and ask him how much he actually wants to go!

Has anyone been to Orlando when pregnant? Would you recommend it or was it a bit "spoiled" by not being able to do everything?

OP posts:
Camomila · 12/02/2018 16:45

If it makes you feel better we are going to have the same awkward conversation with the PILs soon too!
They are going home to the Philippines for Christmas but we don't want to go due to TTC and Zika.

We are going to suggest if they really want to go on a family holiday wirh us we can go somewhere in Europe. Otherwise we'll just have to wait a few years before we go to the Philippines with them (when as yet hypothetical DC2 is old enough tp have jabs and maleria tablets)

Lucymek · 12/02/2018 16:45

February as in this month. Or next year ?

deste · 12/02/2018 16:45

I would use up your annual leave with the wedding bar a few days in case you need them and then that is the only excuse you need.

Original poster
ImBlueDabaDeeDabaDa · 12/02/2018 16:46

To be honest, I could take or leave Florida. With the MIL, I think it'll be a bit awkward but do-able. I just don't want to waste money by being pregnant and not being able to do any of the rides. And I don't want to put off TTC and potentially miss months of time with our potential Child.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImBlueDabaDeeDabaDa · 12/02/2018 16:47

Lucymek Next year.

OP posts:
PickettBowtruckles · 12/02/2018 16:51

I’ve never been pregnant but have been to Orlando many times, when we went most recently there were lots of pregnant ladies. There’s lots of things to enjoy without the more ‘thrilling’ rides. Shows, parades, restaurant experiences etc. It just depends if you enjoy that kind of thing as if you don’t and without the rides you’d be really bored, then it wouldn’t be for you.

Original poster
ImBlueDabaDeeDabaDa · 12/02/2018 17:02

I've never been one for the swing-you-around-until-your-brain-comes-out-of-your-nose- type of rides but I've done a little bit of research and in Universal, I couldn't even go on the The Simpsons or Minion rides. Are they actually all unsafe or just the parks covering their backs?

OP posts:
PickettBowtruckles · 12/02/2018 17:17

The simpsons is a simulator type ride, chucks you back and forth a bit but you don’t actually go anywhere, just lots of tilting! Minions is similar from what I remember, and probably even tamer than minions. ET is my favourite in universal (super cute!) and you could definitely do that.

PeerieBreeks · 12/02/2018 17:28

Could you say that you really don't fancy going to America while Donald Trump is president? I know someone that has postponed a trip for that reason.

AgathaF · 12/02/2018 17:29

If she really wants to go away with you, couldn't you all go on a city break in Europe? Rome, Paris, Disneyland Paris even? Just tell her the zika risk has put you off the US completely.

I think a theme park during the early stages of pregnancy would be awful, but I had hyperemesis. Lots of people have minor pregnancy issues though that would spoil it because it would either be uncomfortable or worrying. You have no idea how you would be when pregnant. I think you really need to just say no, mean it, and if absolutely necessary come up with an alternative plan to keep her quiet.

anothersuitcase · 12/02/2018 18:02

Simpsons is a simulator and throws you about quite a bit. Minions is a similar experience but you could still do it as they have seats that don't move, it's not the same though, I wouldn't go to the theme park capital of the world pregnant to be honest.

LoniceraJaponica · 12/02/2018 21:32

If the planned holiday is only 4 months after your wedding, and you were wanting to go why wouldn't you put off TTC for a few months? How old are you?

LizardMonitor · 12/02/2018 23:50

Because if Zika, they have to wait 6 months after getting back. If you really want to start trying for a baby, who cares about a holiday? Confused

Original poster
ImBlueDabaDeeDabaDa · 13/02/2018 08:46

I'm 26 currently and DH2b is 25. He has an issue which may affect his fertility so we're both a bit -paranoid- concerned that it might take us a while to conceive.
Lizard, you're absolutely right. We'd so much rather TTC straight away then wait nearly a year for the sake of a holiday

OP posts:
hesterton · 13/02/2018 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Handsfull13 · 13/02/2018 09:37

Honestly being pregnant and in Florida would be uncomfortable. It's got a humid most of the time. Even if the parks are covering their arses you wouldn't want to put yourself in that position and risk it. And if your showing they won't let you anyway.

If it was me I'd tell her you are thinking about ttc after your first anniversary and your being extra precautious and would rather not risk coming in contact with the virus. But if she would like she could put that money away to go towards a family holiday once you've had a baby.

Bringmewineandcake · 13/02/2018 09:37

I’mblue I went to Florida when I was in the very early stages of pregnancy. I had an amazing time! There’s so much to see and do, we went to Disney, Universal, Kennedy Space Center, Busch Gardens. DH and I can’t wait to go back when our kids are older.
The downsides were that I couldn’t go on the majority of the rides, I know people do but I wasn’t prepared to risk it. Also, I was very tired so we were back at the room by 9pm most nights rather than out for drinks and enjoying the evening entertainment.
So yes there are disadvantages but I’d still rate it as my best holiday ever.

NotEnglish · 13/02/2018 10:29

So basically, your DH got this trip as a birthday present some years ago. Due to circumstances, it did not happen till now. So in essence, he has been given a voucher.
For some reason, he now gets the same "present" again, as a wedding present?!
That would put me off. His DM alreday "gave" him this trip, it's not a wedding present and should need be called one.
If it is something he really want's to do, let him decide if he wants to go. I would never postpone TTC for a holiday, that just makes no sense.
From your posts here You don't seem keen on going. Just stay at home, either pregnant or not. Let DH decide what he wants to do. But do take annual leave and finances into account together. If he blows all his leave for next year for tis trip, that will mean you won't be able to go on a last trip tigether befre having kids.

blueskyinmarch · 13/02/2018 10:33

I went to Orlando when pregnant - probably about 4 months. I was still being sick and in all honesty it wasn't fantastic. I felt hot, clammy and ill most of the time.