To say no fucking way!

[inmyshoos]

Exh, been separated a year but until Oct he was still coming on hols with us etc. Still wanting to be together despite my saying that won't happen.
He met someone in November. Has had a total change in attitude. Constantly being difficult and unreasonable. Very selfish. Always has been.
Now he is telling our dds 9 and 11 that he wants to take them to stay over at new girlfriends house. 2 hrs from us. They've never met her. All because he can't tear himself away from her for a weekend. He has known her all of 5 fucking minutes.
Dd11 definitely doesn't want to do this.
I'm shocked at how badly he has handled this. Why not slowly introduce over time, start on neutral turf. See how it goes. Not just 0-60. So unfair to expect dds to just be fine about it. Dd11 aid no way was she wanting to go stay there and exh told her to not be selfish and think of his girlfriend's feelings.
AIBU to say no fucking way is this to happen?

I imagine you children are partly telling you what you want to hear because they can see how upset you are that he has moved on. He is their dad, its his contact time and he gets to make the decision. As Judge Judy would say, 'you chose to make babies with him'.

Maybe it will ruin his relationship with his children, or maybe the girlfriend will end up being a loved step mother, what will be will be and you need to take a step back from his relationship(s).

Personally I would let them go. Speak to your ex and say that you're not saying no but the dc would have liked things to go a bit slower and if he still decides to take them well then he will have to deal with the repercussions which may be that they tell him they don't like her or start refusing to go as it was all a bit too soon.

I think if you say no then you'll be labeled the crazy jealous ex who hates his new gf because you're so bitter.

I met my dh's children 3 months in as they're important to him and he wanted to see if we would all get along before things got too serious. Their mum was brilliant about it and I really admire her for it. We all get along very well and I have a lovely relationship with my step children and a good friendship with their mum.

Don't make your DC go for an overnight stay if they don't want to - their feelings matter more than XP's (and there is no need to consider the GF's feelings as none of you know her).
An overnight stay in the house of someone you don't know, who you have already been told has 'hurt feelings' is a scary prospect for pre-teens. Overall, though, as PP have said, unless he's an unfit parent (neglectful, aggressive) it's up to him what he does with DC when they are with him.
The possibility is there that he will fuck up his relationship with DDs by prioritizing the GF over them to the extent that he stops seeing them, which will be difficult but is his choice. You can ask him to slow down a little and at least let them meet her in his house first and get to know her, but the risk will be that he does what he wants anyway, and (unless the GF is a nice person who is able to treat DDs kindly and make friends with them, which is at least fairly likely) there is a lot of fallout.
Dick-led men can be terribly tiresome. Good luck.

annie my dc haven't seen either of us with other people. We split because we weren't getting along. He continued to live in same house for 6 months until he was able to buy elsewhere. We lived like friends. Had been in separate rooms for years anyway. Holidays together as friends in Oct. He has just become a complete shit since new women. I always knew he would meet someone quickly. He is the type that needs someone. He doesn't like having to do stuff with the dc on his own.

julie I'm not upset he has moved on. I'm fucking delighted tbh. Feels like a get out of Jail free card. He is a complete liability and felt like an extra dependant. He is also manipulative and sneaky and tbh I'm glad to be free of him. Unfortunately I still have to put up with his shit because of our dds.

Thank you for all the replies
Appreciate the feedback. Just wish I could rely on him to make good decisions but this has never been the case.

Unfortunately it's not really up to you what your ex does with the children when he has them.

At 9 and 11 they do have a say. This contact is about them, not their father or their mother. It's repugnant because he is blatantly saying that his need to be around his new girlfriend as much as possible is more important than his desire to spend time with his children.

gatorade this is exactly right. His need to be with someone over rides his desire to spend time with his kids. He was never good at doing stuff with them unless i was the driver in it, so it doesn't really surprise me. It does however disappoint me. He is full of talk about father's rights but when push comes to the shove he can't be arsed making any effort. I just don't get it. I love spending time with the kids. They are good company.

In that case, definitely don't force them to go if they don't want to. It sounds like he will probably fade out of their lives from now on - which is sad for them but not really a great loss. Just make sure he keeps paying the maintenance...

He needs to get his priorities straight and stop wanking on about "fathers' rights" - it's the children who have the right to see their father, not the other way around. Children's rights, children's priorities. Not his.

Let them make their decision - don't push them, either way.

A parent can actually spend quality time with their children and their partner in the same house. Its not one or the other. In fact it might be even better for the children if the father is trying to impress with his parenting skills.