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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A wedding invite one

21 replies

bobgeldof · 12/02/2018 07:58

I normally only lurk but I'd like to check with the Mumsnet jury on this one...

Getting married this autumn. Inviting all cousins and their families. One cousin has new-ish girlfriend (about 2 years I'd guess) and who I've met a couple of times and seems really nice. She has two pre-teens who I haven't met. Of course I'll invite my cousin with his girlfriend, but should I invite the kids as well?

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 12/02/2018 08:01

2 years is in no way classed as new-ish!

Are they having to travel or do they live locally? Are you inviting the children of all other cousin relationships?

PaperdollCartoon · 12/02/2018 08:02

Two years isn’t new. If you’re inviting all other cousins with families you should include her and her kids as well.

Original poster
bobgeldof · 12/02/2018 08:06

I suppose I meant new-ish, compared to other cousin who has step-kids but they've been together for the best part of ten years. Yes I'm inviting the other kids. I suppose I'm mostly hesitating as I've never seen my cousin with the kids and don't know if he fills a step-fatherly role with them or not. Not even sure if that's relevant now i come to think of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
bobgeldof · 12/02/2018 08:07

I'm definitely incuding her - The question is about her children.

OP posts:
Original poster
bobgeldof · 12/02/2018 08:07

Oh and they'd have to travel, about 5 hours in the car.

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 12/02/2018 08:08

I'd call your cousin and just ask him.

peachypetite · 12/02/2018 08:08

Yes.

ShatnersWig · 12/02/2018 08:08

If they live together, and you're inviting other cousin's "step-kids" then I think you should invite them. If they don't live together, then I wouldn't.

greendale17 · 12/02/2018 08:08

I wouldn’t. You haven’t even met them and you don’t know what relatuinship they have with your cousin

PatheticNamechange · 12/02/2018 08:09

Invite them all. What a lovely opportunity to meet the important people in your cousins life.

LML83 · 12/02/2018 08:10

I would invite them. Your cousin and girlfriend and kids can decide if they want to come. Nice to include them though.

Springtrolls · 12/02/2018 08:14

If the kids aren’t invited you risk the adults not coming. Cannot exactly leave them home alone for the night.
Invite them and it’s up to them if they decide to arrange childcare or bring them

norfolkenclue · 12/02/2018 08:21

Depends on the age of these 'pre-teens' I guess... and whether or not you are including children generally, and if your cousin is living with his 'new' girlfriend(!). If they are only JUST 'pre-teens' (say 12 or so) then they might not be that into weddings and prefer to stay home with friends (especially if they are boys in my experience). Girls may feel differently though...some quite like a wedding, others not so much at that age. Just ask your cousin! I must say I find your idea of a 'new' relationship very odd! Many couples have met, married and had their first child in this timeframe! 2 years is a very well-established relationship and should be treated as such 🙄

alotalotalot · 12/02/2018 08:24

If he lives with the kids then yes. If they are just dating then you don't have to, although money permitting and if you like your cousin then you may want to ask him.

londonrach · 12/02/2018 08:28

If lives with the kids yes you do. If not no you dont but you do invite the girlfriend. I didnt go down to cousins for my weddingstopping at aunt and uncles due to size. No one was upset as honest open and equal to both sides and mum had breast cancer so needed it small. As long as you fair to everyone no problem.

Original poster
bobgeldof · 12/02/2018 08:30

Thanks everyone. Patheticnamechange, what a lovely way to look at it.

I will ask him and see what he says. Thank you!

OP posts:
TheDailyMailLovesTheEUReally · 12/02/2018 08:33

Do they live together? If they do then just send the invite and include the kids. If they don't, then have a word with your cousin and ask what they'd like to do for the best.

Original poster
bobgeldof · 12/02/2018 08:36

I must say I find your idea of a 'new' relationship very odd! Many couples have met, married and had their first child in this timeframe!

I don't doubt you, but it would be quite a rush surely? She'd have to be pregnant only 15 months after meeting her future husband and it'd be difficult to find time to sort out the wedding Grin

OP posts:
CrabappleBiscuit · 12/02/2018 08:36

Talk to him, but I don’t think you have to invite them. My stepchildren probably wouldn’t have come to e.g if my sister got married or a niece.

They’ve met my family so infrequently....we live all very far from each other.

grafittiartist · 12/02/2018 08:37

Weddings are for families to spend time with each other. If you have the room to invite them, I would.

lalalalyra · 12/02/2018 08:39

I think if you invite your other cousin's step-kids then you need to invite this ones. If they don't want to come then they'll not bring them. Especially given they live 5 hours away so it's not like you see your cousin ever day, but haven't met the kids.

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