Does the school need to do more about bully?

[AmiU]

I need a bit of advice as this is my first child in school and I didn't go to primary in the UK, not sure if my expectations are unreasonable. Sorry in advance for the incredibly long post.

My DD5 started Reception in September. A couple of months in, she told me a little boy was pushing and hitting her repeatedly. I'll call him Jack (not his real name).

I spoke to her about the importance of standing up for herself and saying 'Stop. I don't like that'. I taught her to tell a teacher every time he doesn't listen and continues to push/ hits. I went in to speak to her teacher, to make her aware of the issue. I also explained that Jack isn't a bad person, but if he behaves badly there is nothing wrong with telling a teacher. DD5 is very shy, quiet and non-confrontational so I thought it was important to keep the teacher in the loop, and she said she fully agreed with and supported our approach. She said they've had a lot of trouble with Jack, and have assigned one TA to keep an eye on him at all times. So far, so good.

The problem I have is that the actions don't really seem to match up with the words.

• when my DD5 initially came to me, she told me she had first told a TA about Jack but the TA told her "if you don't know his name, there's not much I can do". DD5 didn't know his name but easily pointed Jack out to me. Surely the TA could have asked her to point out the child?

• DD5 has continued to have problems with Jack. She told me this week that when he wouldn't stop hitting, she told the TA but the TA said 'I'm busy right now', so there were no consequences for Jack. She's now nervous to interrupt the TA again.

• the parents are invited to attend Reception on Wednesday mornings to help with group work. I've repeatedly observed that either a TA has to be dedicated to Jack or he hits and pushes the smaller/ quieter kids, particularly the girls, particularly when out of sight of adults. A lot of the younger kids are still 4 and haven't told their parents. The school hasn't told the parents about the hitting either. I know because he hit a little girl extremely hard (enough to push her to the ground) in front of me, so I spoke to her mum who is a friend, as I know this child has been bullied before. The little girl then said Jack has hit her repeatedly, and she sometimes tells the teachers. The parents of the little girl weren't informed.

I have a bit more to say about some troubling reactions I've noticed from Jack's parents, but I think my post is too long already. One last thing, I don't think Jack should be villified at all. He is a little boy who needs support. My little sister was a terrible bully and the school worked with my parents to discover she had undiagnosed dyslexia which caused her to lash out at school, even though she was a great kid and is a great person.

But, AIBU to say:

• there have to be consequences to hitting every single time
• it's unfair that one of only 2 TA's has to be dedicated to Jack all the time
• the school should at least inform parents that their kids are being hit?

Your concern should be only that your daughter is safe. How the school deals with Jack - discipline, using a TA etc is irrelevant.

At the moment her d is not safe and keeps getting hit.

I do think it's unfair, as the school thinks the class has 2 TA's, but effectively only 1 is left to deal with everyone else.

Oh I'd say the school knows about one TA being tasked with Jack. Teachers talk and I bet the issues with Jack have come up with the principal, in the staffroom etc.

Jack and his behaviour issues aren't your concern - your concern is your child. Yanbu to ask how she will be protected, yabu to drag in all this about the yard gossip/ta allocation etc.

Then she concentrates on that.

Spikeyball of course its not irrelevant how the school is dealing with Jack, because it appears they are not dealing with Jack and therefore the OP's dd is being hit every day. As out lots of other children.

It therefore becomes very relevant.

OP I think you need to keep going back into school so they stop ignoring the problem. This child will eventually hurt someone quite badly if it is just allowed to carry on and that someone might be your dd.

It's irrelevant because the school will not discuss how they are dealing with Jack with her.

Spikeyball of course its not irrelevant how the school is dealing with Jack, because it appears they are not dealing with Jack and therefore the OP's dd is being hit every day. As out lots of other children.

It therefore becomes very relevant.

No. How her own child is are protected comes into the discussion, and rightly so. The Op has a right to know what will be done for her child.

The ins and outs of Jack's needs, supports, behaviour management systems, causes for distress, TA allocation etc should not be discussed with any other parent. To do so would be a data breach.

When my DTs were in school nursery, I would reveive a call at work a couple of times a week, or there'd be an incident involving another boy who would bite/hit/scratch my child.

At first I raised it with school who politely nodded and the incidents continued. I was also aware others were experiencing the same.

After my son came home with a scratch by his eye (he was at speech therapy so was not brilliant at communicating to me what had happened)
I then logged every incident and asked to meet with HT. I showed her the log and it was pretty clear to see this was consistent and consistently upsetting my son. They had mentioned a number of times that the boy had a dedicated TA and while I was initially sympathetic to the challenges he faced, in the end I didn't want my boy repeatedly attacked (one time the boy had throttled mine) and I had lost my patience and could not keep receiving stressful calls at work.

You do need to evidence and you do need to arrange a meeting with HT.

In our case, after I went in, the incidents seemed to stop.

i would like to put across something. I have a little boy in reception (4). he is currently being assessed for autism. he also has a sleep disorder, eating disorder and gastro disorder. whilst we think he is a lovely little boy we also accept that he can whilst melting down hurt others. he doesn't realise what he is doing as it often happens as he is trying to get away from something/someone. we tried talking to the school before he started and pretty much weakly since he started. we feel awful that not only is our little boy struggling but other children that are only 4 or 5 are on the receiving end, as are the staff. whilst we are doing everything we can at home, school does nothing. they refuse to put anything in place to either help him or protect the others. they refuse to tell the professionals and so he doesn't receive help from them. if I was in your position I would constantly go in until something is done, not only will u be helping your little girl but you will be helping that little boy too