To think I should never go on holiday again?

[rickandmorts]

I have anxiety and it always gets worse when I'm away. I'm currently on holiday with my friend, come home Tuesday but I just want to be at home now and don't want to be here. I'm struggling to eat because my anxiety is making me feel sick and my propanolol isn't touching it . I'm trying to hide it and my friend is pretty self absorbed anyway and hasn't noticed I'm being quiet. AIBU to think when I get home I should just never book a holiday again as I clearly belong at home on my own and can't face being away? Just in the bathroom having a little cry with the shower on, have to get ready to go out soon

Do you know the cause of your anxiety OP? The triggers? I used to feel like this about holidays but I knew that actually it wasn't anything to do with going away at all, it was due to my inability to be honest about my feelings.

Have you tried CBT? Aside from the meds, are you trying to deal with the anxiety in any other ways?

I hope my questions aren't making you more anxious - I'm concerned that if you stop going on holidays you're shutting off another part of your life.

Hello Twitter, a big trigger for me is drinking but my friend called me boring on the first night and said I needed to drink. I haven't tried CBT but I've been on a waiting list for counselling and have a telephone appointment next week so maybe we'll get somewhere then. I just feel so shit and panicky because my propanolol which usually takes the edge off isn't even touching it and I can't eat anymore because I just feel so sick

Is it maybe the type of holiday that's making it worse? I know I get a lot more anxious on 'party weekends (like hen weekends) than I do when I go for a relaxed break.
If it is, then maybe it's not the holiday but the things are expected of you on this holiday?
Best holiday I went on with other people was a remote log cabin. There were 4 couples, self catering, lots of going for walks / doing things on your own as well with the group and no one took offence when I 'had a headache' and stayed in our room one afternoon [I led on the bed in the quiet, window open, reading my book].

Do you know any good breathing techniques for calming yourself down? If not, breathe in through your nose for 5 seconds, then out through your mouth for 7 seconds. Do this as many times as you need to. Also, push the palm of your hand inwards on the centre of your forehead - it's a pressure point. Hold the pressure for 20 seconds, then let go

It sounds like you shouldn't go on holiday with your 'friend' again. She doesn't sound particularly caring or understanding.

You're definitely right Handbag, I go to the races every year too in a big group and I always feel anxious about it beforehand. I can honestly say though I've never been away and never wanted the holiday to end, I always want to come home.

Thank you, I will try those now. Then I need to get out this bathroom, my friend will think I've fallen in!!!

I heard someone sneeze today that sounded exactly how my mum sneeze and I nearly started bawling. I'm a grown woman for fucks sake!!

When my anxiety is at its worst I feel like this about holidays. Being out of routine isn't great for me.

There are some practical things that help me when I feel like this and I'm wondering if they might help you get to the end of the holiday more easily. No caffeine (or as little as I can) and no alcohol (I think you maybe shouldn't with propanalol anyway). Eat small amounts often. A couple of meditations (Google just a minute, they are short enough for bathroom break).

Does your friend know that you've had anxiety, if so maybe telling her would help. You probably do a better job than you think of hiding it.

This can and will get better.

Hi Almost, you're so right about routine!! I get really thrown if my routine is off and don't like doing spontaneous things.

My friend has said we're going out again but I've put my foot down and said I'm not drinking. She has a face on but I don't care. She knows I have it! She says she has it too but I don't know. She shouted at me the other night because I was being really quiet, I just felt too sick to talk and I said my anxiety was playing up and she just told me to have some more drinks and get on with it

Well she sounds a bloody treat doesn't she. Maybe she does have anxiety but it's different for everyone. Salvage what you can, and be proud for getting through it.

I know, I'm going to withdraw once we're home I think. Thank you, your words are appreciated

You shouldn’t go on holiday with this “friend” anyway!

I have anxiety too, and a few years ago went on holiday with my best friend and her parents. Friend was supportive and helped distract me from my pre-trip anxiety, me and her dad spent a chilled afternoon at the apartment together in companionable quiet while she and her mum went to town. We did several excursions all together too. And when there was one day where they wanted to go on a trip and I just wanted a chill day that was fine too. THAT’s the kind of friend you should go on holiday with.

I can’t add anything but just wanted to give you a hand hold. I hope it eases up xx

Aww Glum your friend and her family sound lovely. I know she just thinks I'm being dramatic but I've got a lot on my plate at the moment and I'm struggling. I'm not going to book another holiday like this again, it's not me. In September me, my mum, my friend and her mum are going to a cottage for a weekend with the dogs and I think that's more my scene, I don't care if that makes me boring in her eyes!!

Thank you user, it's appreciated xxx

Just checking in to say I hope today is better for you, one day closer to home!

I prefer never to go on Holidays will do my upmost to avoid 🙉
A lot easier now the DC have fled the nest
My DH knows how this can send my anxiety through the roof, he's very understanding and that makes things so much better in life for me 🙂

Hi Almost, we went to a waterpark today so the day flew. I'm already getting worried about tonight but I'll have a propanolol and say I don't want to go out because we fly tomorrow. I'll do a cocktail but that's it!

fire you're lucky to have an understanding DH . Anxiety is just shit isn't it so having someone who helps you through it is great.

This time tomorrow I'll be on a plane home thank fuck for that!!

You need a holiday on your terms. Somewhere quiet, relaxed, where you can feel no pressure to drink or do anything you don’t want to do.

What you’re on now is someone else’s holiday.

Like a yoga holiday

Rickandmorts absolutely right regarding anxiety
As for my DH I salute him as I can be a living nightmare and he never ever gets annoyed about it 👍
Many times I can't face even going to the supermarket when i know it will be busy so we go in the middle of the night or after he's done a night shift 🙉
It's got worse over the years but "is what it is" and I do push myself to limits where I feel comfortable
Having understanding ple round you makes it a lot easier
For you 💐as I know how hard this is to live with

I hope you're doing okay, OP. I get exactly the same as you, haven't been on holiday for over a year now but have just had breaks at home. I really do want to be able to go on one, especially as DP loves exploring new places.
I managed to drive 40 minutes away from home today and did some shopping, which may sound pathetic but for me it was a big deal!

I think you're right and the type of holiday is making you worse as there are expectations to drink, socialise.

Maybe next year try and find a more rural friend and do some walking with a lovely meal and beautiful view at the end of the day.

Don't be put off holidays for ever they can be brilliant. You just need to find the right mix.