AIBU to feel upset that my DM has a favourite...

[Pocketfullofsunshine89]

AIBU to be upset that my DM has said that my DC1 will always be her favourite GC and that my DC2 won't be the same (currently pregnant with DC2) she said all grandmothers have a favourite?

I agree OP, I don't think my MIL would ever say it and I think if it was pointed out to her that she treats my DS differently she'd be mortified!

I'm an only child so I wondered if it could be to do with that.

Your DM managed to love and bond with DC1 after only having you for so long, so obviously there's room in her heart to love more than one child. She's just being an arsehole.

My grandma said that exact thing to my DM when I was born, that she could never love me like my older DSis. My DM never left either of us alone in her care again.

My Grandmother once told me I was her favourite grandchild as I was the eldest. I must have been about ten at the time. I felt deeply uncomfortable and thought less of her for saying it. In the end I don't think I was her favourite anyhow! It's a very inappropriate thing to say.

My sil ds is my mils fave, she’s never said so and probably doesn’t realise, but I see it.
My ds is her 1st gc, my dd is her 2nd and only gd.
But we live a long way away, and sil lives down the road. Mil childminds twice a week and sees him nearly every day. It’s natural that he is her fave.

My DMIL openly said that she liked the 'baby' (DS2 who was a toddler at the time) and that DFIL always likes girls (not as dodgy as it sounds, but nevertheless a preference for middle child).
This meant that DS1 who was about 7 at the time and the eldest child realised that they preferred his siblings. One each. He was not chosen.

He actually didn't say much about it aside from mentioning it once, but I mind that it happened and he heard it.

OP, it's a bit shit. Maybe it'll be better when the baby arrives.

My sister said similar to me when I was pregnant with my DS: that my DD would always be her favourite because they already had a close relationship. She's been fairly disinterested in DS and it's affected the way I feel about her. Oh and she was having a bad day and asked our Dad who died many years ago to send her a sign that everything would be ok and I delivered DS, 9 weeks early that same day. I'm sorry, but delivering a preemie who needed to be resuscitated and placed on a ventilator in the NICU and spend a month in hospital is not a sign for my sister. That one really pissed me off.

A colleague years ago passed on some real wisdom (before I had DC). She had a son, PFB, and loved him more than she had ever imagined loving anyone. She became pregnant again unexpectedly, and worried that she would never love this baby the way she loved her son. Then baby arrived and she realised that her love was not finite but that it grew in ways that she could not have foreseen.
(She followed this up with something about realising that she still loved her husband as much as ever, after sort of not realising it after son had taken over her emotions, but I can't remember quite how she described it)
Anyway, maybe this will happen to your mum when DC2 arrives

Very insensitive for her to say it out loud but i think a lot of parents and grand parents feel like this.
They think how much they love their dc/dgc and think they couldn't love another as much.
But when the babies here, im sure they feel different.

That said, i do think my nephew (first gc) will always be my parents favourite but thats mainly down to having to bring him up in lots of ways cos his parents were useless

Im sure she'll love your DC2 when theyre here and feel really guilty about what she said.

My GM always used to say that she was particularly close to one of my cousins, as 'he's the oldest GC, and that will always make him special'.

Infact - I was nearly two years older than him!

I do think that whilst it's hurtful I can see why she thinks that now. She probably just can't imagine loving a second gc as much if she only had one child herself. I know when I was pregnant with 2nd dc I felt guilty throughout as I knew I would never love another one as much, which was obviously entirely wrong and I love them both equally dislike them both equally too so she should just keep quiet but I expect after dc2 is born she will likely change her tune

My oldest is the oldest grandchild , my mother openly favours her and let's it be known that she thinks more of her , it makes me sick to be honest not for my other 2 kids but for my nieces it's noticed by their mom and it really hurts her.