friends don't care!

[DaisyFlower161]

I recently lost a sibling unexpected and in fairly tragic circumstances, no details as fairly outing. I'm struggling with this a bit to be honest but I'm shocked and disappointed by my so called "friends" response. Nobody asks about it, sympathises, asks me how I'm doing or even seems to care, this includes what I'd think of as fairly long standing friends. It's all about what their problems are or what they are doing. My DH thinks this is because people are uncomfortable raising it unless I do, but I don't believe this, surely it doesn't take much to text "how are you doing" or just empathise a little. I've always found it hard to make friends to be honest and always feel on the outside, a tolerated person, but I've spent years of my life listening and sympathising with other people. AIBU to think that these people just don't care about me and that I don't really have any friends worth the name?

Sorry for your loss, OP

While not the same thing, and I hope I don't offend by using this example, I had a mc last year and found only a few people willing to mention it. Even my DB and his wife haven't mentioned it, not even a "sorry" by text.

I really do think it's because people don't know what to say. They worry about bringing it up in case it upsets you or they say the wrong thing. Unless you've experienced it yourself, you don't understand how much it means for someone to give you a hug and tell you how sorry they are.

OP as I often say to DD - "it might explain their behaviour, even though it doesn't excuse it."

So sorry for your loss!

A very close friend of mine lost her mother very suddenly in very difficult circumstances. We all desperately wanted to help but none of us had been in that situation and just didn't know what to say.

I remember feeling completely useless because I just didn't know what to do.The last thing I wanted to do was to upset her further but I didn't want her to think I didn't care or wasn't there if she needed me.

Eventually I started telling her about good things happening. I'd found out my DSIL was expecting and I'd been accepted on a uni course so I told her about those things and she said that helped because it gave her some normality and an escape during a dreadful time.

People can be so worried about upsetting someone that they don't say anything and that is worse as it makes you feel like they don't care.

Possibly your friends aren't very considerate people but it's also possible that they feel completely out of the depths.