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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Someone give me a damn slap: overthinker

19 replies

Clueless1315 · 10/02/2018 22:02

I must be a special kind of crazy. I over think everything. I'm sat here thinking I'm about to die. Why? You might ask. Here's why!

My nan checked into a hotel for a few weeks while her house is being adapted for her by her housing association, they placed her in a hotel and have said breakfast will be provided and dinner will be provided up to £15. She was complaining that she wasn't eating dinner because there wasn't anything for £15 on the menu, I tried to go to the hotels website but it was down, so I said I'd go with her this evening, as there must be a meal for under £15. So we go to the restaurant together with my DC. We order the food. All good so far. Then when the waitress comes back she complains about the past few days when she was given sandwiches as they said they didn't have any hot meals under £15, which obviously they did as I ordered it for her. She then proceeds to tell them how the sandwiches made her ill, how she had to go to the doctor, how she was disappointed by the quality of the food, the sandwiches had pork and she didn't eat it, how the bread was hard etc etc. Waitress was very apologetic.

When she does leave I hiss at my grandmother why did you complain they're making our food now. I started visualising them dropping bits of food on the floor on purpose, farting on it, spitting on it, cutting or pricking their finger and dipping it in the ketchup, all sorts. The food came and it really was lovely but every bite was a burden as I was overthinking what they had done to it. Now I'm at home with my DC and I'm sure we're done for, and contemplating having a STD test because of this, even though I haven't had sex in ages. I know this sounds crazy, but I can't help myself. Is there anyone else who overthinks everything like me. And plz don't tell me to get a hold of myself, I sound deranged even to myself. If anyone has any advice on how to help me I'd appreciate it. I can't continue to live like this.

OP posts:

LucyMorningStar · 10/02/2018 22:11

I used to over think everything and get into a right tiz in my head. I went to doctors and they prescribed propranalol. I am a new person now. It would take an earthquake to rattle me.

Givemestrengthorgin · 10/02/2018 22:12

From one overthinker to another - I get it, I really do. Sometimes I feel like my brain runs at such a rate of knots with assumptions, what if's and jumping to conclusions. It's exhausting. I get it worse during social interactions with people I only vaguely know but it can happen anytime.

What I've found to help is to remind myself to pause (harder than it sounds when your mind is running away with you) and go back to the very first 'thought' or 'interaction' that I've based all other assumptions on. Usually this gives myself the chance to think a bit more logically about things. I am also trying to adopt the 'fuck it attitude as recommended by a friend. When I feel the worries running away I remind myself to think 'ooh fuck it, what's to be will be and I'll figure it out'.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/02/2018 22:15

You have anxiety. Your anxiety manifests itself in intrusive thoughts. There is nothing wrong with you and you are not crazy. ALLOW your thoughts to run wild. Imagine even crazier outcomes. Maybe that food you are will turn into a monster inside your stomach and then it will eat your liver! Maybe you swallowed a micro bomb and soon you'll explode! Of course, NONE of this will happen, just as not one of the thoughts you've had will happen. Your anxiety is doing all the talking, so it's time for you to join in and take that power away from your anxious mind and give it back to yourself. The harder you fight it, the worse it will become.

SilverySurfer · 10/02/2018 22:15

If you have an STD test and it's positive because you ate the food, I suggest you immediately donate your body to medical science because it would be a fucking miracle

user365241987 · 10/02/2018 22:34

It sounds like you are suffering from intrusive thoughts, which can be related to OCD. It is horrible to suffer from but the great news is that there is help and support available, if you are finding that such thoughts impact in a negative way, on your day to day life.

user365241987 · 10/02/2018 22:36

Where are you in the country? There can be excellent support groups.

Original poster

Clueless1315 · 11/02/2018 02:38

Silvery not helpful. I know it's not possible, but it ddoesnt stop me thinking or worrying about it.

Thank you to everyone else. It's nice to know some ppl get it. My brain takes over and it doesn't matter how silly I know I am being I can't help it.

Didn't realise it could be anxiety. It's soul destroying at times. When everyone can let go and have fun and I over think each and every situation.

Like when I bought a new lip balm had tingling lips, was sure it was a cold sore, went to the doctors, the nurse practically laughed me out of the room and after talking to a friend she said that the same lip balm had given her a bad reaction. For over three weeks I couldn't kiss my kids as I feared passing my imaginary cold sore to them. I think I need some sort of help. It's getting too much now. But me being me I think I'll wuss out of going to the doctors. Thank you to everyone who commented. It means a lot.

OP posts:

Original poster

Clueless1315 · 11/02/2018 02:39

I'm in the south west User.

OP posts:

Areyoufree · 11/02/2018 07:29

A friend of mine used to have the same kind of thing - if she even saw a drop of blood anywhere, she would become worried that she had contracted HIV. She knew it was irrational, but couldn't help it. She was eventually diagnosed with OCD. She found CBT extremely helpful for it. I would definitely recommend seeing your doctor.

Leilaniiii · 11/02/2018 07:36

Clueless1315, I have never shared this before, but I have a completely irrational fear that people are going to lace my food with drugs. I am an otherwise perfectly well-adjusted person, I just have this fear. Well, it's not a fear, I just sometimes worry that it's happened and have a bit of a panic attack.

You know you're being ridiculous, I know I'm being ridiculous, but the brain isn't always rational.

ushuaiamonamour · 11/02/2018 08:57

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I don't have anything knowledgeable to say about your anxiety, but I do wonder about those sandwiches: is it possible that your grandmother had been told that hot meals were beyond her allowance and was served one last night only because someone was with her? I assume there was a menu so this is unlikely, but it did cross my mind. I hope you're feeling easier in yourself soon, in any case.

Inseoir · 11/02/2018 09:04

It definitely sounds like OCD/anxiety - intrusive thoughts are a very clear symptom. Most people get some form of 'crazy' thinking, it's only when it gets out of control that it's a problem. You can get meds or counselling or both that should help.

Gymwidow · 11/02/2018 09:13

I hear you op. I overthink things too though usually on a much smaller scale. Occasionally have a massive overthink where I create a totally new narrative that is often wrong. Usually involves minor irritations or issues that become bigger to me because I overthink things and fill in the blanks myself. Have a couple of mates who do the same and I can see it happening for them in a way I can’t at the time see for myself.

Sounds like you could use some advice from an expert - I’m thinking cbt maybe, not drugs in the first instance so you learn to control it, not it controlling you - but I also find with me and my friends that the busier we are, the less it happens. I say this I’m relation to my own mild anxiety, but I wonder whether it would be like this if I had to forage food and keep my kids away from predators (000s years ago) or even if I had to live 50/60 years ago pre contraception with loads of kids, no mod cons and harsher times. On days I’m crazy busy at work these thoughts just do not happen because I am completely distracted.

I have had successful cbt/hypno to retrain some of my recurring overthinks. You have to practice though as it’s easy to fall back into old habits once the immediate overthink has gone. Yours seem stronger than mine so I’d definitely get some prof help too but maybe trying to keep busy at pivotal overthink times is an idea? Realise this might not be possible on your own at first. I so feel for you though as it’s very debilitating to be unable to escape your own thoughts.

You can get sessions of CBT on nhs so do push this.

ShouldHaveListenedInBiology · 11/02/2018 09:22

You poor thing. Intrusive/obsessive thoughts like that are exhausting, I get them from time to time. I know that in the moment the worries can seem so real and rational. I would highly recommend looking into CBT, it really helped me a few years ago. I liked the practical nature of it, basically you identify the path your anxiety takes and sort of re-route it using techniques and tools that you learn. It felt like re-programming a computer to me. Do you have a DH or someone you can talk to about this? I find that talking about it, putting a name to it and shining a light on it makes it scuttle away. As a pp suggested, propranolol may help in the short term, do go and talk to your dr or in my area we can self-refer for talking therapies so that may be an option for you?

ShouldHaveListenedInBiology · 11/02/2018 09:24

And Silvery aren’t there any other threads where you have no fucking idea what you are talking about to go and post on?

LemonShark · 11/02/2018 09:44

Ring your local IAPT and self refer for assessment. You sound like you may have a form of OCD (contamination) or/and health anxiety.

user365241987 · 11/02/2018 09:45

OP, sent you a pm.

MatildaTheCat · 11/02/2018 09:54

See your gp and write a brief list of examples. Request CBT.

Spend less time with your moaning granny. She sounds enough to make anyone anxious. You are being too kind to her.

LemonysSnicket · 11/02/2018 19:06

Yep - generally danger things, like if I see someone crack their knuckles or bend their arm funny I visualise my bones breaking in that way and all day I’ll be careful about what I do with that limb just in case.

They won’t have done anything to your food though - most chefs and waitresses etc would never ever do that no matter how annoying a customer is... why give them more ammunition?

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