To ask for your best puns?

[buddhasbelly]

I'll start.

I should've bought new camping gear in the Christmas sales. It would've been a winter of discount tent.

I'm just back from a once in a lifetime holiday, I tell you what, never again.

Sorry not really a pun, just a crap one-liner! Oops

It made me smile so it's allowed!

I went to Budapest for a weekend away and ended up falling in the river.
Danu-believe it?

I’ll get my coat...

Found a packet of fish fingers in the street the other day. Was going to hand them in but thought what the hell, findus keepers.

I was asked if I wanted to go on a llama trekking expedition in Peru. I thought, alpaca suitcase

Hear about the couple of fake doctors who set up in a Scottish town and ruined the health of the local people with their quack remedies?

'Two medic crooks spoiled Arbroath'

Not mine:

"DS, get to the back of the boat," he said sternly.

I so wish it was mine!

Read a book about ship building last night. Riveting.

Not quite a pun, more of a one liner - I hid my horse behind a lump a cheese... it was mascarpone

Someone threw a jar of mayonnaise at my head in the supermarket today...
Fucking Hellman

A man threw a block of cheese and a tub of butter at me the other day.

I thought bastard, how fucking dairy.

Why do Marxists only drink herbal tea?

Because property is theft.

James Norton.

Out of 10?

I'd give him 1...

mrsnorlasco wins the thread imho

"Property is theft"!!!

*A man threw a block of cheese and a tub of butter at me the other day.

I thought bastard, how fucking dairy*

That's not very mature

Jokes about white sugar are rare...

Jokes about brown sugar?
Demarara

My cousin runs a zoo, but the only animal he’s got is a stupid looking Chinese dog.

I think it’s a ShihTzu.

I was going to tell you a joke about time travel, but you didn't like it.

All the pictures on my phone are foggy at the bottom. I have low selfie steam.

I'm living these keep them coming!

I'll throw another one in...mine are all camping related as me and the guy I'm seeing started a pun off last night whilst chatting abiut well, camping obviously. if we can keep puns going about that this may be the real deal

Sex while camping? it's fucking in tents.

I can't believe someone broke into my house and stole my limbo stick, how low can you go?

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.

Well, well, well, three holes in the ground.

Twice, so good they named it twice.

There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of you understand these jokes. Some people appreciate them, some people don't, and the division is clear.