Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

TO be unsure if I’m being abused or I’m the abuser?

32 replies

caketree93 · 09/02/2018 12:12

To start from the start, I’m 24 (female)and have been with my gf for a little over a year. We were originally together for 8 months, which ended due to her serially cheating on me. She broke u

OP posts:
kungpopanda · 10/02/2018 02:08

The vague suicide threats are having the desired effect then, ie jerking you around and stopping you from puling the plug on any contact at all.

Trust me, she won't kill herself. She might do something a little dramatic but recoverable from. Don't go and hold her hand if she does.

kungpopanda · 10/02/2018 02:10

posted too soon.
Because whatever it is she does next in the way of self-harm, it's about her, not about you - and it sounds like it always has been.

Be resolute. Good luck. You will feel so much lighter once she is truly out of your life.

Weezol · 10/02/2018 02:51

I'm going to tell you something hard. People who actually kill themselves rarely make threats to do so or make half arsed attempts at overdoses and cutting for months in advance. They just do it and it usually comes as a massive shock to those around them. Often the very first time their friends and family discover their loved one was suicidal is when the police come knocking. Trust me on this.

She is using these threats to keep you on the leash and eventually reel you back in. It is a classic manipulation technique. It is emotional abuse.

Block, delete, change your number. Do it now.

As PP have said, get in touch with Women's Aid. Learn about co-dependency, gaslighting, emotional abuse and control.

As you read, you'll hear bells going off in your head. You'll recognise her behaviours, tactics, even phrases she uses. It is absolutley staggering when you have these realisations. It properly floored me!

You are not alone, you are not to blame and you are not going to feel how you feel now for ever. It will get better.

You have done so well in leaving. It's a massive achievement, huge. Recognise how far you've come and keep going. If this was a marathon you'd be at the 14 mile marker already.

Coyoacan · 10/02/2018 03:26

I think you have to watch this desire to save her. That can become a pattern. A friend of mine was like that, going from one woman who needed saved to another. He told me it was because he didn't feel he was worth very much.

flumpybear · 10/02/2018 04:25

Sorry but she sounds toxic, drama queen and like a user
Perhaps it stems back to having no family and het childhood made her this way but she's not likely to change much imo

SparklyMagpie · 10/02/2018 04:35

You should know by all the replies you got on your last thread

Don't give her anymore thinking time!

It's surprised me you've asked again

SandyY2K · 10/02/2018 07:59

As your name isn't on the lease....just don't return. She's abusive and only adds stress to your life.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page