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AIBU?

Aibu to not make this trip for my ex husband?

36 replies

Quiddichcup · 09/02/2018 10:18

Ex was meant to be having dd for half term week.
I had pestered him to get arrangements as he is never forth coming and we we had agreed to meet half way on Saturday. He lives 2 hours away.

I cannot afford the petrol and have said yestetday that i can no longer meet him there and to let me know when is ok for him to collect her.

It's all kicked off and ive been subjected to 24 hrs of abuse. He refuses to live by my rules apparently. But the fact he has seen dd for 4 days since the end of nov and ive gladly done the extra and not said a word nor recieved any extra payment for doing so.

We have been separated for longer than we were married and I just don't know what to do. As it stands I now don't know if he is having dd at all.

He moves either away in the summer and it won't be practical to do so much driving all the time .

But, aibu about this?

Dd is 12 and has a terrible relationship with him. She was only planning on going to make it fair and to see her half brother.

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Quiddichcup · 09/02/2018 11:14

I've already shown her so she knows. She said he is very aggressive.
Because he is.

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AnnieAnoniMouse · 09/02/2018 11:36

Why then is he bringing his other children? Surely he could come on his own to have some 1:1 time with DD if his other children don’t want to be in the car that long. Pity he’s totally prioritising their desires over DD. Wanker.

Could DD get the train? (He can pay for her ticket). 12 yo here wouldn’t want to on her own, but her best friend travels all over on the train by herself.

Or you could ask him for petrol money.

I think it was a bit crap saying you’d do it then changing your mind, but if you genuinely can’t afford to, then that’s that.

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Pidlan · 09/02/2018 11:41

TBF I would be annoyed if my ex changed the terms so late in the day- I'd probably think it was a control thing and being mean. (Did you not realise before now that you were going to be short of money?) You shouldn't feel you have to drive your DD to him, but be straight about that from the outset instead of changing the arrangements last minute.

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IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 09/02/2018 11:42

Stop going out of your way for him. If you have plans, don't be cancelling them just because he's decided he wants to see her. And yy to getting proper child support paid to you directly from his wages.

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Marriedwithchildren5 · 09/02/2018 11:55

I think some posters have ignored his last minute arranging and the fact he's hardly seen his dd.

He's a bully and the ball is in his court. Dd doesn't sound too upset so just explain one more time and assume he's a no show if he doesn't give you a straight answer.

It really shouldn't be so difficult!

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Quiddichcup · 09/02/2018 12:08

We have been split up 9 years so no it shouldn't.

I've told dd who isn't bothered. She said I should ask one more time and say if I have not heard by x then I am assuming he is not having her.

I don't know if that's going to help or make it worse.

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Branleuse · 09/02/2018 12:11

if he wants access, he can come and get her.

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Lemonnaise · 09/02/2018 12:11

In Dec he had said he wasn't going to see her at all. Then he said he had a free 36 hours so I cancelled all our plans to facilitate this for him. Which I do all the time

Maybe remind him of this.

I've told dd who isn't bothered. She said I should ask one more time and say if I have not heard by x then I am assuming he is not having her

Your DD sounds great, I would go with what she says.

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Anniexoxo · 09/02/2018 12:21

He is her father and should be making the effort to see his DD.

You shouldn't have to pussyfoot around his needs, he should be accommodating you and her needs seeing as he's only seems her 4 days since Nov. And you should not have to go out your way for him.

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Quiddichcup · 09/02/2018 12:26

I did remind him of it and he told me it was not his problem.

Anyway. He is now coming to get her tonight.

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G120810 · 09/02/2018 18:58

Yes you went out your way for this to happen you where doing him a favour by meeting him you can't now as you don't have the money you are not stopping him nor cancelling it maybe handled the situation not great but what does he expect u to do starve so he can have access no that is wrong and he said he can't come to you as kids don't like car if he was really interested in seeing his child he would come get her but said no so his choice nothing more you can do if u can't afford it you offered alternatives