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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU not to cut his damn pastry?

48 replies

PeppaPorkroast · 08/02/2018 13:38

I was babysitting a friend's DS (8 and a half) and we had some apple pastry as a snack. However, his majesty commanded me (he didn't even ask nicely) to cut it into smaller pieces for him as we only had forks. I told him to put his tablet away for five seconds in order to focus and work with both hands. One half-a*sed try later he exclaimed he couldn't do it and I had to because I am an adult so I am stronger. Are children that age really that weak or was he just plain lazy? I don't have DC of my own yet so I have no idea but I have the feeling kids should be slightly more independent at his age. AIBU?

OP posts:

Thistlebelle · 08/02/2018 13:57

It might be that in his own home he isn’t allowed to help himself to food. It’s quite common for children to have to ask permission.

His parents possibly do cut up all his food so he’s not used to doing it for himself.

The rudeness however is unacceptable and you absolutely can challenge that.

Ps your own children are always so much nicer than everyone else’s.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 08/02/2018 14:01

Just seen your update- you baby sit twice a week? In that case you need to let him know what you expect of him and refuse to be ordered about.

He's probably just testing your boundaries.
It's fine to ask for snacks- he can't be rummaging in the cupboards and helping himself to biscuits willy nilly but you don't have to run round after him. He can get it himself or make sandwiches together for example- it might be fun.

I wonder if you're starting to resent your friend for putting this on you though. That might be colouring your view of the child.

crunchymint · 08/02/2018 14:02

He is either being lazy and trying it on, or has never been shown how to do this. So I would simply show him. Of course an 8 year old should be able to do this, but some parents keep their children in a state of learned helplessness.

OutToGetYou · 08/02/2018 14:04

My usual response to that sort of thing is "well, you're going to be hungry then".
Like when (then) 14yo dss told me he didn't know how to heat up a tin of soup for his lunch. Well, work it out, or be hungry.

Woollypinksocks · 08/02/2018 14:06

Ok given that you're babysitting twice a week I sort of take that back.

It probably not his fault if his mum babies him, but if you're regularly helping her out he's going to have to accept your rules, and I kind of don't blame you for judging a bit

Woollypinksocks · 08/02/2018 14:08

To be honest my 9 year old struggles to cut up his food. I don't chop it up for him though, and I have shown him, he just still find it difficult. His baby brother eats better.

Mossbystrand · 08/02/2018 14:11

I'd decline to help her any further as she seems to be taking advantage of you and not grateful for the help you're giving her. It's very bad manners on her part for not thanking you & her son is copying her entitled behaviour. She expects you to care for her child and he expects you to cut up his food. They're both treating you like their own personal domestic staff.

GummyGoddess · 08/02/2018 14:21

Lazy child, my 16mo is able to pick up pastry items and chomp his way through them, and he doesn't even have all his teeth!

Willow2017 · 08/02/2018 14:27

Few years ago i knew an 11yr old who had never peeled an orange. Not even a satsuma. Believed he couldn't do it cos his parent had always given them peeled and seperated!

I would be cutting back on thr babysitting. They are taking you for a mug both of them.

Getoutofthatgarden · 08/02/2018 14:31

You don't sound as though you like your friend and her son very much

Why are you just making things up?

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/02/2018 14:32

My 9yo dd perhaps wouldn’t have the skill to cut a pastry up with a fork. Was there anything wrong with him eating it with his hands? Some children are more practical than others. Dd isn’t into crafting for example.

chickenowner · 08/02/2018 14:36

Babysitting once or twice a week is crazy. Is she even paying you?

Eliza9917 · 08/02/2018 14:45

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 08-Feb-18 14:32:30
My 9yo dd perhaps wouldn’t have the skill to cut a pastry up with a fork. Was there anything wrong with him eating it with his hands? Some children are more practical than others. Dd isn’t into crafting for example.

You don't need to be good at crafting to be able to use a knife and fork. Unless there is SN involved, I don't think there's any reason to not be able to use them at that age.

another20 · 08/02/2018 14:47

I try to be helpful to these types of kids as they have been short-changed by their parents....and they will suffer in the outside world.

So breezy encouragement (through gritted teeth) - "lets have a go" etc.
Don't judge or sneer at the child - they dont deserve it.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/02/2018 15:03

NoParticularPattern you've just brought back memories of my exP's children - 7-year old DD who expected him to feed her her breakfast (and he did, sucker) and 5 year old DS who just used to throw food on the table (or floor) off his plate if he didn't like it and also had to be spoon-fed (but was fully able to use a knife and fork at his Mum's). shudder

eddielizzard · 08/02/2018 15:05

i think i would be busy from now on... she's taking the piss.

tillytrotter1 · 08/02/2018 15:05

It isn't uncommon for children starting school unable to use cutlery, they either have 'finger food' or Mumsy feeds them. I'm afraid they would go hungry before I fed them. A Head friend, with such a child and smug parent, suggested at a pre starting school meeting that either the child brought a packed lunch or mother came in at lunchtime to feed him. When September came round he was suddenly able to use a fork, apparently he'd never been given one earlier.

crunchymint · 08/02/2018 15:21

I do remember a thread on here where many parents said the food they ate did not often require using a knife. No judgement on that, but it is a skill that has to be taught and practised. It does not come naturally.

HildaZelda · 08/02/2018 17:14

YANBU OP. He's either being incredibly lazy or else his mother does absolutely everything for him.
I babysat my friend's 3.5 year old DD over the weekend and when I got her dinner for her and asked her if she needed any help she informed me that: 'I'm a big girl now, I can do it'. She has her own set of Disney cutlery and while obviously not an expert with a knife, she was able to use it well enough to rip the meat apart.

I won't even ask if you've been there when that 8 year old in question needs to use the loo!

MimsyFluff · 08/02/2018 19:45

I feel like shit parent my 4 year old can make scrambled eggs in the microwave! But they've always had a knife and fork with dinner (obviously not pizza and stuff like that), my 9 year old can make homemade macaroni and cheese including the cheese sauce. They have a few friends that don't know to do anything and they literally roll their eyes at them! But they'll be so popular at uni/house shares

Eliza9917 · 09/02/2018 11:27

@MimsyFluff
I feel like shit parent my 4 year old can make scrambled eggs in the microwave! But they've always had a knife and fork with dinner (obviously not pizza and stuff like that), my 9 year old can make homemade macaroni and cheese including the cheese sauce. They have a few friends that don't know to do anything and they literally roll their eyes at them! But they'll be so popular at uni/house shares

Why do you feel like a shit parent? Its parents jobs to teach children to be self sufficient and independent etc, not mollycoddle them until they leave home and can't do a thing for themselves.

MiltonBurnedTheBuildingDown · 09/02/2018 11:32

Has he been for a shite round yours yet Op? Cos you might be in for a shock.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/02/2018 11:36

Why was an 8 yr old eating his pastry with a fork? Don't people just bite them?

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