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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask for your help in coming to terms with this?

31 replies

4foxsake · 08/02/2018 10:16

Not really an AIBU but posted here for traffic.

I have 2 DDs aged 10 & 7. Shortly after DD2 was born DH & I decided we didn't want anymore DC so DH had a vasectomy.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I started getting a bit of breast tenderness but thought no more about it. This was followed by a bit of cramping so I thought it was just my period starting. I'm now 4 days late with my period so, on my way to work this morning I bought a pg test and poas in the toilets in work. It was positive Shock!!!

I won't see DH until about 7.30 tonight and tbh I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with this. I'm sat at my desk shaking & trying not to cry.

I have so many doubts about another pregnancy but don't know if I could bring myself to have a termination. Am I too old (I'm 42), will the age gap be too big, can we afford another baby, will I be able to cope (I suffer with anxiety & MH issues), do I want to go through the baby stage again, will I be able to continue with my anxiety medication during the pregnancy, what if there's something wrong with the baby... Aaaarggh.

Sad
OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 08/02/2018 10:20

What a difficult situation to find yourself in. Does your DH know you suspect you might be pregnant? Hope someone will be along soon who can help.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 08/02/2018 10:24

Oh gosh, what a shock! Did your dh not go for the follow up samples after his vasectomy?

Try and stay calm, you don't have to make any decisions right now. You're in shock which is more than understandable.

If you need to go home, go home. Tell your boss you're unwell and need to leave.

Do you have an idea of how your husband might take the news? Has he ever mentioned wanting another child? You don't have to have a baby if it isn't what you want.

x

Original poster
4foxsake · 08/02/2018 10:32

No DH doesn't know as tbh I didn't in a million years think the pg test would be positive. I thought it was more likely to be a hormonal imbalance or me approaching the perimenopause. I only bought the pg test to try & reassure myself that my anxieties about being pregnant were silly.

DH did go for his follow up after the vasectomy and all was fine - no swimmers, so not entirely sure how this happened. He will be shocked and worried (as am I) but supportive.

OP posts:
HonkyWonkWoman · 08/02/2018 10:35

As you're only 4 days late, I think you know what you want to do really.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 08/02/2018 10:40

Ok well that's good that you know he will be supportive.

Just try to take it one step at a time for now, have a cup of sweet tea. Get to lunch and then try to eat something. Get to 4 and have more tea. You're still in shock right now, you don't need to make any decisions just get through till tonight when you can talk with your husband.

Only you know whats right for you but if you don't want a baby then you don't have to have one. Just give yourself time, be kind to yourself and try not to over think or make any choices right now.

I know that's easier said than done x

Original poster
4foxsake · 08/02/2018 16:37

Thanks for your kind words Well. I'm still in work (don't know how I've managed to last all day). Still got another hour left & then DH will be home after taking the DC to their swimming lessons. Realistically I guess I won't get to speak to him until 8.30 when the DC have gone to bed. Sad

Haven't managed to eat anything today yet - feel too sick with worry

OP posts:
Snowydaysarehere · 08/02/2018 16:39

I had ds at 43 with a 6 year gap to the youngest. He is a delight!!

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 08/02/2018 17:37

Well done for getting through today, not long now! Do you think you'll feel better once you've talked with your husband? Even if he isn't sure one way or another at least you'll have got it off your chest and have someone else to talk things through with.

Its still very early days, you have lots of time to make a decision so don't feel panicked or rushed into one.

It'll be ok, no matter what you decide x

Tink2007 · 08/02/2018 17:39

I can’t imagine the shock, OP. No advice but didn’t want to read and run.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 08/02/2018 17:50

It can happen very rarely I believe (there was a well-publicised case in Bournemouth a long time back www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/dieting/we-became-pregnant-after-our-men-had-the-snip-54476
it must be a shock, but on the bright side at least you can prove a pregnancy is down to your DH these days, before DNA testing was available people would have made unfair assumptions and you couldn’t have proved otherwise Flowers

Blackteadrinker77 · 08/02/2018 18:00

Are you sure you're pregnant?

Are you on any medication? Have you had any recent unexplained weight gain?

Gazelda · 08/02/2018 18:03

One step at a time. Tell your DH. Give yourselves time for it to sink in. Get the result double checked. There's no hurry to make any decisions right now. There's lots to think about, and you've got plenty of time.

NoSquirrels · 08/02/2018 18:06

Oh gosh! What a shock. I have 2 DC similar age/stage and I’d not be delighted to be pregnant now. I totally empathise. All the choices are there, though - you can get yourself referred to counselling quickly if that would help. Flowers

Hogtini · 08/02/2018 18:08

Is there any chance it could be a false positive? Some medications/coniditions can cause this - could be worth investigating? Good luck whatever happens.

Oliversmumsarmy · 08/02/2018 18:14

Friend had her 3rd at 46. 12 year age gap between youngest and new born.

After she had got over the shock and the realisation the pregnancy was fine she and her dh were over the moon. Ds is now 5.

MiracleAccidentMistake · 08/02/2018 18:19

I had a surprise baby at 43 - hence my username - although my husband hasn't had a vasectomy! My baby has a 9 year old brother who loves her to bits. I have anxiety/depression and had advice from my GP to use one medication as safest in pregnancy and switch to another once the baby was born as less likely to pass through. You poor bloody thing! I can only imagine the shock.Hope you can see a GP asap and find out what's going on [hug]

MiracleAccidentMistake · 08/02/2018 18:25

Diazepam and Alprazolam can cause false positives I believe.

JosieSand · 08/02/2018 18:30

I think there's a chance it's a false positive. I would books doctors appointment

KimmySchmidt1 · 08/02/2018 18:43

Don’t beat yourself up. If you don’t want a baby have a termination. Remember how incredibly early you have found out and how tiny and unviable the cells currently are - many aren’t viable naturally anyway. That’s just my view - better to have a great experience of being a two child family than be unhappy when we are taking in this case about an almost microscopic collection of cells.

Original poster
4foxsake · 08/02/2018 18:45

Thanks guys. Home now & just waiting for DH to come home with the DC. Been looking at reasons for false positives all day clutching at straws and I'm not on any of the medication that can cause false positives. I'm on citalopram 30mg for my anxiety but nothing else. As for the medical conditions that can cause false positives - some of them are even scarier than being pregnant (Ovarian Cancer Shock).

Really worried about being able to see my GP. Trying to get an appointment is a nightmare. Same day appointments will only be given for emergencies and they are regularly booked up 2-3 weeks in advance (and they don't take bookings any further ahead than that so if they're booked up that's it, you have to phone back when they get more released which could be any time).

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 08/02/2018 18:48

I really think you need to take a huge deep breath and a big step back. You are only 4 days late. That is VERY early to get a positive result even if you are pregnant. You may VERY well have a false positive. There is absolutely no need to freak out until you are 100% sure you're pregnant.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 08/02/2018 18:51

Is there a sexual health clinic near you? You can talk to them about options (either way) without having to wait weeks for the GP appointment. Many offer a drop in service.

LEMtheoriginal · 08/02/2018 18:52

I'm not sure ovarian cancer would give a false positive. It is the cells that go on to produce the placenta that produce HcG and you don't produce this at any other time as far as I'm aware.

I had my youngest at 35 and a 15 year gap. It wasn't easy.

I'm a strong believer in fate - if it's meant to be it will be.

Blackteadrinker77 · 08/02/2018 18:58

I'm not sure ovarian cancer would give a false positive

It can, as can benign cysts which is far more common.

I'm recovering from surgery after having a huge one cut out.

BettyBaggins · 08/02/2018 21:01

Hope the conversation is going ok op!