To sell my inherited family home

[sayerville]

I know how fortunate I am to be in at this position, I struggle with sentimentality and still have lots of my parents/brothers items around me including the house which is currently rented.
I rented because I didn't really want to part with it and it seemed the right thing to do as I doubt I would get that return if he cash were in the bank. It's currently in it's third year of renting, with current tenant being there for about 18 months.
I find it really hard going back there, each time I come home I cry so my husband said he'd deal with it but that lasted a short time. I have considered using an agent but I would still get the reports, have that connection albeit not as much.
Each time the tenant complains about something I feel sick to my stomach, I hate being a landlord with the responsibility but feel it's the right thing to do in some ways to retain the capital for what would be a help to my DD later on. The income is maybe 6K after taxes and expenditure if I am lucky (I know I am though!) Yield is about 4%.
I have long thought about selling and buying something else to flip (too much homes under the hammer) but I don't have the connections in any trades and a lazy arse husband it's something I have always wanted to do as I hate my job, I'm just dreaming aren't I? What should I do?

Do you think your tenant would go easily if you issued a Section21? Only it sounds like she has been a bit of a pain, and if you ended up having to deal with a drawn out eviction process before you sold, it sounds like that would be worse than the current situation. It would only be temporary, though.

It also sounds like you have lots of complex emotions tied up in this house, and the thing is, if you sell it, you will probably never be able to get it back again. Do you think you might regret selling it in the future?

It sounds like it will be a really hard decision either way, and I hope whatever you decide brings you some relief.

I have just contacted CRUSE.
Funny how this has turned into a therapy session for me and made me realise I haven't come to terms with everything yet.

You don't need the house for those memories - that was just the container . Your heart is the container for that now.

Beautifully put Namethecat, this has brought tears to my eyes.

OP, I feel for you. I lost both my parents in the last few years. I still have boxes and boxes of their stuff. I don’t know what to do with it. Can’t bring myself to part with it but So much of it is stuff I don’t really want and certainly don’t need, - it’s the plates I remember from when I was tiny, the teacups I remember from when I was a teen and on and on. I sold their house as soon as I could. It made me very sad to do so and might have gone down the rental route but really couldn’t afford all the work I would have had to have done before renting. In some ways I’m glad the decision was taken out of my hands.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope things become easier for you soon. Please do consider some counselling.

the house is helping provide financial security for you and your family, which is a tremendous positive. I have a flat from my first marriage (husband died 14 years ago) and although my initial thought was to sell it, over the years I have rented it out, renovated and improved it when needed, and it is now a great asset for our son. I have used an agent, initially full service, latterly I deal with more of the day-to-day issues. If you use an agent, it will become more background noise and easier to cope with. I also take pride in being a good landlord, and maintaining high standards, but you also have to accept - as my agent has advised - that tenants are not thinking about you.

Good luck with your grieving process and I hope you can come to see the house as a valuable asset and part of what your family has gifted you.

I don't think she'd want to buy for her cultural reasons but she has mislead me on more than one occasion and now I don't trust nor like her. I have paid for issues she has caused/broken when I should have tackled her but I have gone for the easy non confrontational route, although this week I had an issue where I was more assertive and I am sat here waiting for her response which is making me anxious. I am sure my parents would not want me to feel this way. Section 21 could be problematic but I realise if I choose to sell it has to be soon, given it's 2 months and the best time to sell would be summer, so I feel pressured about this.
I may regret selling, I won't know until it's too late, also my Dad's ashes are scattered in the garden so that's difficult, not much I can do about that now though.

I am blown away by the lovely responses on here, it's so good to hear from people with similar stories.
singingbabooshka I still have lots of boxes it just seems so disrespectful to dispose of those items, it's so so hard.
I am truly thankful for this asset that I am sure my DD will benefit from the proceeds one day, it will help her have security which is fantastic. Meanwhile we all went on a lovely family holiday with the proceeds from the last year, it was a nice way to spend the money rather than spend on silly things, I never spend the income (other than this one time) and just save it for repair etc. I will have CGT to pay one day but that's life.

Sell it and buy premium bonds. Less headache all round.

Hugs for you OP, I don’t think you should sell it as property is such a great asset and will be lovely for your DC. If your DC lived in the house when they are older, what a lovely circle that would be. Don’t feel bad about still grieving as pp said. You will be grieving in your own way for the rest of your life, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t give in to the pressure to pretend everything’s perfect, we all have real feelings and emotions which are completely natural.

Gladiola yes I agree that would be lovely, however DD is 22 and had good memories but also sad ones witnessing her grandparents decline to dementia which has I am sure affected her (she did her dissertation on dementia and dedicated it to them both, made me incredibly proud) but she would say no, which I fully respect but she will benefit one day which is what they would have both wanted

Hi OP, a few thoughts:

• I totally agree with the poster who said that you hold onto your memories forever, they are not tied to the house itself.

• Over time, the house will change (it must have done a lot already, as you cleared it and prepared for tenancy). Things like changing carpets and re-decorating can make it seem an entirely different house. That may be a good thing - you can then separate 'family home of memory' from 'my investment house' and detach emotionally from the building. Or, if your memories are still tangled up with the building, it might seem quite weird and uncomfortably distancing. Maybe better to retreat with your memories intact than see evidence of change?

• A constant lurking sense of responsibility and slight anxiousness are part and parcel of being a landlord, especially a reluctant one. It's fine to say 'actually, I can't be arsed with this anxiousness and, for the sake of my happiness, will sell the house'. The sense of calm gained, might be worth more than 1% growth to you and your dd.

• I think the best may to manage being a landlord, even on a tiny scale, is to view yourself and as far as possible set yourself up, as an agency, a business. Give your business a name, even if it's as simple as 'sayerville's lettings' and act on behalf of that business, as an agent would. So, do everything professionally, the credit and reference checks, all the certification, checks etc and engage with your tenant as a representative of that organisation. So, respond quickly and professionally to problems, let personality-based nonsense or rudeness float over your head, focus on the salient points, stick to the contract. That won't prevent an 'out of hours' call if the boiler breaks but you'll view it such and deal with according to reasonable protocol, not personal panic.

• I think if you can do the above, you are likely to do be doing a much better job than the average lettings agency. My experience of them as a tenant, is that they are so crap, I have actively avoided using them as a landlord (what's the point, if all they do is pass messages, then expect the tenant to take time off work to let in tradespeople?) But, they do do the credit checks, take large deposits (and admin fees) etc. So can a 'search only' service but its effectiveness may be limited by a lack of incentive that a management fee would have provided. They don't do the 'gut feeling and basic communications check' that meeting prospective tenants gives you and that I have always found the best guide to future events. But, they do know how to proceed when things go wrong, have seen it all before and don't take things personally. So, I wouldn't rule out using an agent for the sake of your peace of mind, even though I think they offer poor value for money per se.

• The property market is a complex thing and yes, television reality shows simplify massively and show people who already know what they're doing. The people who do best out of flipping and lettings, are skilled tradespeople, who can do a lot of 'doing up' themselves and have a great network of contacts with other relevant skills.

• Knowing where and what to buy, even without doing anything up, requires a lot of market knowledge. You may well have been lucky with the location, type and rentability of this house. You may not be next time. You may find yourself dealing with very different types of tenants. Also, imagine having your capital tied up in assets that you cannot sell. You can never make the right person come along, you have to wait for them. You can always sell a property - by drastically cutting the price. That would not be a good position to find yourself in.

• You shouldn't be thinking about bank and building society accounts as the main home for your capital (your protection limit comment). Find a suitable IFA (research a bit, choose carefully) and get some independent investment advice. (Make extra sure it is independent, don't be pressured into investing in anything). That will open your eyes to the alternatives and allow you to make a far better informed decision than you can at present.

lottie Thank you for all of this, you talk perfect sense.

The letting was done via an agent but I was the one who showed people round, I wanted to be the one to have the gut feeling and make the decision, turned out not so be a great decision but hey ho.
I do operate as you have stated (but maybe not as I am a push over in a lot of ways), and I know people who have used agents aren't entirely happy which is why I haven't so far so that has out me off, but in my situation I could do with the distance of no involvement so I may have to proceed down this route to stop my angst.

How I wished I had tradespeople connections, they never seem to fail do they, I just have this inner passion to flip and I keep quelling it cos I'm not a risk taker.

Also the IFA route, I have no idea how to find one to trust and it always seems a risk putting it into a spread of markets, usually you can't go wrong with bricks n mortar, well that's my view for now Brexit may change things!

Thank you for your posting x

Hi, maybe start a separate thread in the relevant section about how to find a good IFA.

I'd start online, find their regulating body, browse their listings. There are a few in every town but it might be worth a few phone calls to find out who would be right for you and even a little travel to meet the best one.

The thing is though, that on a big chunk of capital, you should be able to get a better return than on a savings account.

4% is a good return if that is net, although I suspect it isn't. Obviously if you turn it into cash you'll get far less.

Landlords have to dissociate from properties and you clearly can't do that. Is it worth it?

BTW remember that if you do issue that section 21, no guarantee tenant will go.

When you are thinking about the cost of the agent vs yield consider into that the appreciation of your asset per year too (did you say £10k in 3 years?) Housing is in short supply generally (with regional bubbles and lows) so, in the long term, your asset is likely to gain capital.
I can see how this is emotionally difficult for you currently . I would definitely go with a letting agent for now. It gives you time to put decisions on the back-burner.

I can't recommend an agent highly enough. I don't even think about our rented house and we have a price set for little jobs so she can just go ahead and get her handymen to do them and the money just comes off the rent. It was our family house but now to me it barely feels like I own it. Worth every penny. Sorry for your loss xxx

I think you should sell, when my Dad sold his parents house he said it was like ripping a plaster off a bit slowly but once the last bit was came off (completion) it was just relief and peace and he didn't think about it much after that.

I felt the same about my Parents home. I wasn’t ready emotionally to sell the house & say goodbye to where I grew up. I rent it through an agent & pay to have it fully managed by them. It’s so much easier & I have minimal involvement, they deal with everything so there is less stress for me. I didn’t particularly want to be a landlord it’s just circumstance.

I read this in a book of the Queen Mother’s correspondence, I just randomly opened a page to letter of condolence she wrote to Prince Philip when his mother passed away - “ However much one longs for someone to be at peace, the break with the past & ones childhood is very painful to bear” - That’s how I felt about my parents home it somehow kept some part of them with me even though I am the only one left.

God bless to you & everyone still grieving

I agree with Namethecat. I jointly inherited family home with my sisters. It held such happy childhood memories for us all. I wanted to keep it and rent it out but one of my sisters really needed the money so reluctantly we agreed to sell. I cried for days and felt physically sick about selling home. We went together for one last visit once it was finally emptied and cleaned and walked around reliving happy memories, took a few photos and then sold it. I still have one of the photos as my screen image on my computer. A couple of years on and I know it was the right decision to make. My sister needed the money and my other sister put hers in savings and I bought a newer car, gave some to dc and saved some and I bought B2L with my share. It gives me much more income than my sister who saved hers gets and I am housing another family. You won't forget the memories they stay with you even if you sell the house.

I suspect any other low risk investments will not make you as much profit in the long run. If the property market crashes you will still hopefully have a good number of people needing to rent.

Have an agent and that will take away some of the pressure.

Dealing with the house is clearly keeping you from grieving, and a grieving LL will have problems that an on-the-ball LL will not. Best to sell, or at least sell this house. Let all of this angst go.

I'm sorry for your loss.

This sounds like a really difficult situation.

Yes, an agent sounds like a good temporary solution.

See how you feel about it in a year / when you've had an agent for year?

However much one longs for someone to be at peace, the break with the past & ones childhood is very painful to bear

As weird as it sounds. This is exactly what I currently needed to hear. Thank you so much.

I'm not trying to say that the quote is weird. But my reaction to it probably is.

this made me cry. thanks.

Personally I hate renting because even though we have had some nice tenants they just don't care about your stuff like you do. You could split your money between Zopa and Ratesetters ( 4-5% ) and measly cash ISAs and get more interest. You could also spend some of it on a lovely hot holiday. As long as you spread your money about in small parcels you would be unlucky to lose all of it.
But this post is really more about grief and your feelings. It sounds as though you need someone to talk to sayerville and that is what you are doing on here. There are thousands of us on MUMsnet for you, sympathising and sending warm thoughts of condolence. Crying isn't bad for you anyway, if it relieves your feelings.
However, chin up because you know neither your Mum or brother would want you to suffer. Sad as it is they would surely want you to look forward and remember them with kindness, not be making your own life miserable, by wishing to undo something that cannot be undone.
Hugs and lots of them...

Feel, not felt

Floriad, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you

MrsK

no. It was a good kind of crying. thank you