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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask school to not give extra help to ADHD son?

19 replies

Guardsman18 · 07/02/2018 09:38

Ds (13) has been diagnosed with ADHD. Over the years I have asked school for assistance with some subjects which they have now put in place.

All good I thought. Since ds has had this assistance, things have got worse for him. He wasn't introduced to the LSA and told me that 'some random man' had arrived and sat with him a few weeks ago.

He does have difficulty organising his work and processing his thoughts in creative stuff.

I can't help feeling that I have made things worse for him. The teachers are very cross with him all the time, he's being punished for things he can't do. LSA doesn't seem to be doing much, but I'm not there, so cannot know this really.

He managed fine last year on his own - in the top sets etc. He has made one or two friends (which took him a while) and now I feel I've made him more 'noticeable'.

I know the teachers are probably frustrated with him but I have to do something as every day he has these lessons, he's so miserable.

Any advice on how to approach school would be much appreciated. (I'm ringing in half an hour - so no rush!)

Thank you

OP posts:

newmumwithquestions · 07/02/2018 09:41

Bump as you need a fast answer! (Sorry I don’t know the answer)

Catgotyourbrain · 07/02/2018 09:44

You absolutely need help for him. Not good enough. Speak to the SENCO and go through your concerns. Then back yourself up with an email summarising what was said.

Go on the SEN boards here if no answers here

Original poster

Guardsman18 · 07/02/2018 09:44

And how i do that?!

OP posts:

Original poster

Guardsman18 · 07/02/2018 09:51

Cat, I meant the bump thing! I shall speak to SENCO

OP posts:

Catgotyourbrain · 07/02/2018 09:51

Which ? Sen boards are here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs_education - there are a few boards - and some very wise MNers on there

Catgotyourbrain · 07/02/2018 09:52

Bumping is adding a post purely so that your thread stays near the top of the board and gets noticed

Orchidflower1 · 07/02/2018 09:55

Bump for you xx

Orchidflower1 · 07/02/2018 09:56

Hope someone comes along with further advice. Xx

FrayedHem · 07/02/2018 10:04

DS1 became embarrassed about having 1:1 LSA support in Yr6 (he'd had 1:1 since reception). I think you really need to have a meeting with the SENDCo to discuss if there's a better way of supporting him. Discreet hover support/work prepared in advance/checklists/communication cards are things DS1 responded to more positively.

Original poster

Guardsman18 · 07/02/2018 10:09

Yes, he is embarrassed. The LSA doesn't seem to be helping him but I won't say that of course.

One example is that he has lost his book. He's had detention for that but nobody seems to be suggesting where to look for it - just shouting at him and giving him a punishment. It isn't in the house. I feel like going to the school and looking for it myself!

I asked if the LSA could go to the homework club after school with him. Yes, that's fine they said. Off he went and it had been cancelled.

I will speak to SENCO. I just wanted some common sense today as I'm not feeling very rational atm

OP posts:

FrayedHem · 07/02/2018 10:21

DS1 us now in an ASD unit so I'm not that familiar with secondary school SEN support in mainstream. Does the school have any dedicated SEN mentors? Our local mainstream (that DS1 doesn't go to) issued passes for children with SEN to access the SEN department so they could go and speak to someone there when they were having difficulties. It seems it may benefit your DS1 more to have an advocate on a class teacher level then LSA support in lesson iykwim.

BritabroadinAsia · 07/02/2018 13:33

I know my post is probably too late now, but I think the SENCO needs to disseminate some information to the teaching staff regarding the specific issues your DS finds difficult. Presumably organisation and executive function are a problem for him, so of course he is highly likely to forget things - detention isn't going to support that.

Can the LSA support be used in helping him check that he has the right books and equipment for each lesson, that his homework is recorded in a way he can access it, and that he has support in planning how to complete it and when it needs to be handed in (if that would help him)?

Lots of empathy from me! (Parent of DC with ADHD and former SENCO)

Original poster

Guardsman18 · 07/02/2018 15:01

Thank you Brit. Not too late as I haven't rung yet. I was a bit upset so took the dog for a walk. Didn't want to cry on the 'phone!

Tbh I thought they had the information on ADHD but obviously not all of them have read it! At the rate they're going, he's going to give up bless him.

I think your suggestions are perfect for him. This is what I wanted really. Advice on what to ask for when I speak to Senco rather than expecting them to know and me just blubbing or having a go at them for not getting it right.

I've contacted a tutor today who has
availability, so that 1:1 should help him.

OP posts:

BritabroadinAsia · 09/02/2018 23:16

Sorry - just saw your reply today. Hope that the call to the SENCO had a positive outcome?
Have fingers crossed for you that your son will get the right support and not become disheartened, as it sounds like he's been doing really well and just needs his specific difficulties to be acknowledged and addressed with sensitivity.

Iluvthe80s · 09/02/2018 23:38

They shouldn't be shouting at him or punishing him for losing a book. This is a direct result of his Adhd. He is being discriminated against. Our 15 year old has Adhd and most probably autism too. Just got ehcp approved. He's been tutored at home since December made such a difference. Getting the right support in place for him now is key

Original poster

Guardsman18 · 10/02/2018 09:18

Thanks both for you replies. Conversation wasn't that successful. Senco rang me and caught me unawares.

One thing she said that stood out to me was 'the expectation in the higher sets are so much more than in the lower ones.' I didn't think quickly enough, but wish I had said - so are you saying that children with ADHD or any other disability shouldn't be in the higher sets?

OP posts:

BritabroadinAsia · 10/02/2018 16:00

Is it worth thinking about the outcomes you want and then emailing her, rather than speaking in the phone?
Or having a face to face meeting but with notes about each point you want to raise? Nothing worse than being caught in the hop on the phone!

riverpen · 10/02/2018 16:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littletinyme1 · 10/02/2018 17:41

My clever 15yo son has ADHD and requires no additional help in top set lessons, other than the meds he takes to help him fous. His organisational skills are OK ish but i would be furious if i found out that people were punishing him for losing a book ratherthan giving him a new one. Under no circumstance allow him to be moved to lower sets. No need for avTA to sit with him unless he is unmedicated.

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