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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for ideas/ advice from strangers to help troubled teen

23 replies

Imustbemad00 · 06/02/2018 21:45

Just that really. Don’t know who’s else to ask without exposing my daughters problems. She’s depressed, struggling to cope with life in general. She doesn’t do any after school activities as her school days are really long. Doesn’t really have any hobbies.
I need ideas for activities or classes that will help her emotional well being and where she can possibly meet new people.
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
GoJetterGirl · 06/02/2018 21:51

Can I recommend martial arts? It's more about self discipline and control, and could help her develop inner peace too, really helped me when I was suffering from my MH issues growing up.

AJPTaylor · 06/02/2018 21:51

How old is she?

numbereightyone · 06/02/2018 21:53

Are the basics in place? Enough sleep. Proper nutrition. Fresh air. Time away from a screen. I know it sounds too obvious but it can really make a difference.

ThatchersCold · 06/02/2018 21:55

Have the same problems with my teen dd. School was the root of the problem for her. Have just made the decision to prioritise her mental health and home educate. Bit drastic but I am so worried about her. She’s already a lot happier and relaxed after just a week of not being at school.

laura65988 · 07/02/2018 12:13

What age is ure daughter it's the school doing this there's all sorts of things going on different groups u have the self harmers u have the bi sexuals the goths the group that are transgender u need to have thick skin in school and either be in one of the groups or don't but these kids are all confused they are doing these things to fit in and have friends but they really aren't any of these things there's also sexual presssures get her to doctor to speak to someone but to be honest school will be no help to u does she have a gd group of friends ask her about these thinfs in high school I home schooled as mine was suicidal over really bad bullying by a group of girls who tortured her everyday for nothing then did it in school on social media there parents didn't do a tjing to help so I pulled her for on school and it was pretty easy as it was only 3 hours of work in the house she's so much happier and still sees her friends from. School but looks into this as sucide is real in high school ryt now school isn't like it used to be for us it's brutal

Flev · 07/02/2018 21:39

Depending on her age, have you considered Girlguiding? Guides if she's under 14, or Senior Section for 14 and over. Groups can be very caring and have an emphasis on friendship and personal growth - and depending on her character, she may also appreciate the all-female space.

Original poster
Imustbemad00 · 07/02/2018 22:12

She’s 13. She struggles with friendship groups. Home schooling is completely out of the question. I have a job, even if I didn’t theres no way I could do it. We would argue and clash so much.
School was pretty brutal when I was there l, so I can imagine what it’s like.
Would like her to have friends outside of school and something to enjoy. Something physical would probably be good for emotional well being as exercise is known to improve mental health.

OP posts:
colouringinagain · 07/02/2018 22:16

My 13dd really enjoys her trampolining. She has fun, it's great exercise and absorbing (she's not a school fan either...)

Leeds2 · 07/02/2018 22:17

Yoga.
Guides.
Martial Arts.
My friend's DD became a gym bunny at about that age (cheaper membership for teens in our area, I think it was free when she joined). She joined a lot of classes on the back of that.
Indoor rock climbing.
Would also suggest looking at any lunch time clubs the school offer, if you haven't already. It might make her working day a little easier if you can find the right thing.

Sendit · 07/02/2018 22:22

Softball has transformed my teen daughters life. Worth seeing if there are any local teams, even if she isn't sporty it's a great way to meet people and be part of a team

needmysleep75 · 07/02/2018 23:50

I would say Guides/Scouts/Army Cadets all do a variety of activities with plenty of fresh air and no screens involved. Mine have been involved with these and they did a brilliant job of widening their friend circles and developing their confidence.

saladdays66 · 07/02/2018 23:53

Ffs, Laura, punctuation! It’s so hard to understand what you’re trying to say. Full stops would be good...

Cabininthewoods69 · 07/02/2018 23:57

Air cadets really gave me confidence but they do have a rather strict approach. I would suggest with any club to give the adult in charge a quick history so they can help to settle her in or just be aware to keep an eye on her

KeepServingTheDrinks · 08/02/2018 00:48

Totally agree with any sports (and I hate them all myself), but netball, football, hockey, rugby - anything that's got a club in your area.
Swimming?
Ice skating?

If not sports, what about dance?

Or some kind of drama thing? Stagecoach (if it's in your area) does acting/singing/dancing.

Your DD needs to find her 'thing'.

You'll have to pay for it, but it'll give her an interest and friends away from school.

Good luck to her and to you for finding something.

windchimesabotage · 08/02/2018 00:51

Horse riding? Its relaxing and uplifting because its exercise and its also outdoors in nature. Also caring for animals and bonding with them is very helpful to boost self esteem.

saladdays66 · 08/02/2018 07:55

What does she like to do?

Paperchase sells a happiness journal aimed at teens that you can write in to help you find out more about yourself - what makes you happy and sad, what you enjoy doing, etc. That might give her some ideas.

What about something creative - writing, cartooning, crafts, gardening, colouring in?
Volunteering - with the elderly, in a charity shop, with a nature group? To make her see the bigger picture and see she belongs and can be useful/helpful
Wellbeing apps - some good ones listed here:
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/jun/21/happy-life-
best-psychology-apps
Getting out and about - seeing new places fires up new synapes in your brain. Whether you go for a wlak in the woods or to a new town for the day, it works
See a funny film together
Sports
Guides/Scouts

Is she having counselling for her depression? I'd also ensure she limits mobile phone/social media use, as this can make depression worse, esp. in teens.

Make sure she spends time with the family in the eves and at weekends, not up in her room alone. Play board games/cards/chat/cuddle on the sofa and watch a film.

Also if she watches the news, she should stop - too much news makes my teen sad.

G120810 · 13/02/2018 21:24

@saladdays66 why must u be so rude she's entitled to her opinion as well and I can understand it fine 70% of the things written on nm don't have full stops etc

Get your daughter into after school clubs try out different ones till she finds the one she likes.

Knitjob · 13/02/2018 21:30

Do you have time to do things with her? If she's finding life hard she might be braver if you are with her.
Any chance of borrowing a dog to walk with? I find my kids chat more when we are out walking.
Join a walking group?
I volunteer in a community cafe twice a month with my son and once a month we go along to a Sunday afternoon gardening project.
Those have worked well for us because I'm there too. I mostly stay with the grown ups now and he is more with the kids his age but he knows I am there.

Knitjob · 13/02/2018 21:31

Anything outdoors too. I'm a big fan of being in green spaces for mental health.

Sorry she's having such a tough time, one of my kids is too right now and it's awful. Such a helpless situation for us parents.

blueyacht · 13/02/2018 21:35

As a teenager I found my thing in TV comedy and made friends through a shared sense of humour. Later in life it also became a huge help during a difficult time.

I know it's not the outdoor japes you might be thinking of, although if she likes it there is always the option to see live comedy. As a 13 year old I was lonely and didn't have any interest in music/sport/social clubs so it helped to have something I enjoyed. Laughter really does cheer you up and the naughtier comedy was a fun peek into a more adult world. 13 really is such a horrible age, I wouldn't do it again for all the money in the world!

saladdays66 · 13/02/2018 23:24

@G120810

why must u be so rude she's entitled to her opinion as well and I can understand it fine 70% of the things written on nm don't have full stops etc

That's shite. Most of the posts written on MN are punctuated and carefully written. Nothing like 70% - more like 1% have no full stops (including yours). Hmm

I notice you didn't comment on my post to OP, which was full of advice for her??

G120810 · 14/02/2018 23:26

Really are you reading the same things I am and you don't know anything about me so for all you know my writing etc could be bad so to point it out could offend me but weather I used it or not doesn't mean I cant comment cause some dick like you says I can't

saladdays66 · 15/02/2018 09:32

Up to you, G12. I find your posts too hard to decipher. Can’t be arsed trying.

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