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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask at what age you'd leave a baby with grandparents?

52 replies

IsItSummerYet2018 · 05/02/2018 21:29

So with my DS I left him with my dad overnight for 2 nights @ approx 7 weeks. As we'd bookedband paid for a break away before being pregnant and it wasn't far away. I can't remember how I felt.

Anyway due a baby in a month and about 5 weeks after birth dp wants to go see a band. My dad is insistant on having the baby overnight.. As wouldn't be fair to pick up at 11pm..
None would ever force anything or be pushy so it's down to me and how I'd feel, I know the baby would be in the best hands etc etc. But something in my head is saying noooooo.

I don't know why though..

OP posts:
namechangedtoday15 · 05/02/2018 22:57

Does it depend on how you plan to feed the new baby?

My twins were 8 months before we left them overnight as I'd just managed to get them to take a bottle of expressed milk. We were only 10 minutes down the road at some hotel overnight do.

As everyone says, it's personal.

When Number 3 came along, it was earlier than that, maybe about 6 months.

Firenight · 05/02/2018 22:58

Age 4 with my son. Probably older with my daughter.

Upsy1981 · 05/02/2018 23:19

10weeks with my mum who I totally trusted to follow the routine and not do anything bizarre. Much, much older (like about 3yo) with MIL. Basically when DD was old enough to say what she needed, things like meal times etc are a bit hit and miss with MIL.

We had a great night out and it made me feel much more like myself, which I had been struggling with.

CappuccinoCake · 05/02/2018 23:43

I think 3 years old was the first time.

Both breastfed for ages at night and we didn't have overly willing grandparents. I was v attached and couldn't imagine leaving them the first year. Now they're 9 and 6 years I'd happily give them away for sleepovers!!

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 05/02/2018 23:46

Overnight at 5 or 6 weeks for the oldest one... I would've done same for youngest if they'd offered! However this is my parents whom I trust implicitly and live only a mile up the road. My PIL have never had ds2 for an overnight after what happened with ds1!

HappyLollipop · 05/02/2018 23:46

I left my son with my parents when he was about 8 weeks old overnight while me and my partner went to a friends birthday party. He was fine and it seemed like I missed DS more than he missed me!

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 05/02/2018 23:49

Depends on the Grandparents. My parents, I think Ds will have to be an entirely self sufficient teenager first. He will having his first overnight stay with the In-laws at just over 3 when his brother/sister arrives though and tbh that's more through necessity than desire on my part.

I fail to understand the "wouldn't be fair" element though with a 4 week old though. It's not like they sleep through the night is it. It's quite possible that they will want feeding at that time anyway so your Dad won't get to be in bed. Ds certainly would have at that age.

FingersCrossedHard · 05/02/2018 23:54

I wouldn't leave my young baby overnight with anyone (other than dh). We haven't left ds3 yet at 8 months - there's no rush.

Microwaved111 · 05/02/2018 23:59

Dd is 7 mo and she's never been left with her grandparents...or anyone for that matter.

MIL she will never be left with untill dd is alot older as I don't trust her to be able to look after dd properly. My mum has a very active social life and is just too busy - even if she was free I doubt I would leave dd with her.

Teutonic · 05/02/2018 23:59

5 days old. It was only supposed to be for 1 night, my mum finally returned him 3 days later. 😂

Justkeepswimminglalala · 06/02/2018 01:40

Ds was 4 weeks when I left him for a couple of hours. But other than a couple of hours here and there, he is always with me, or Dp when I'm at work. Nothing to do with trust, his grandparents are wonderful and would love to have him over night, but he is my PFB, now 8 months old, and I'm just no where near ready for it yet! 😂

BrownEyes421 · 06/02/2018 02:10

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RadioGaGoo · 06/02/2018 05:26

DS 10 months is still BF, but as soon as he is ready to and has night weaned, grandparents are more than welcome to him overnight.

Hortonlovesahoo · 06/02/2018 06:01

I’ve never left my DD alone overnight (nearly 2). The longest she’s been away from me is 8hours when I went back to work briefly. She didn’t mind at all

BertieBotts · 06/02/2018 06:08

Are you planning to breastfeed? I don't think you'll be able to leave a breastfed 5 week old overnight. It's also totally fine just to not want to!

pesaki · 06/02/2018 12:21

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Basecamp21 · 06/02/2018 12:44

What ever feels right to you.

You are lucky to have willing grandparents whom you trust completely - but there will be other bands in the future and DP can go with friends - it does not sound like a massively important event to you

But maybe after 5 weeks of little sleep and constant baby your head will be going Yesssss

pinkhorse · 06/02/2018 12:58

My ds is 8 and has never slept overnight at the grandparents!

Heartofglass12345 · 06/02/2018 13:58

My son stayed overnight with my sister at 4 months and i wrote her an essay on what to do lol but she doesnt have kids so she appreciated it and so did i 😊 we left him for a week when he was 16 months and i missed him but he enjoyed staying with my other sister 😊 now we have 2 the overnights with anyone dont really happen anymore lol

topsyandtimison · 06/02/2018 14:09

My girl is 4 and she has never stayed at grandparents. I am worried if she did would she miss me or cry for me at night?, I wouldn't enjoy my time away thinking of that if you know what I mean. Daft I know.

deptfordgirl · 06/02/2018 14:29

Still haven't left my 2 year old overnight but he is a terrible sleeper and just wants me if he wakes in the night. Also I breastfed until a year and he would wake for a feed so couldn't have left him when he was little. Am having another soon and already worried about leaving him when I'm in the hospital!

Blaablaablaa · 06/02/2018 14:33

My MIL stayed over at our house from 3-4 weeks so we could have a night off/out....she even got up with DS through the night and early morning. Once he got to about 3 months she had him stay at hers ...she has him semi regularly and I totally trust her and FIL. At 4 yrs old he is happy to stay over at aunties, my dad's a close friend etc with no issues. In fact he loves it as he gets totally spoiled and we get much needed and valued time as a couple

Chienrouge · 06/02/2018 14:44

There’s absolutely no right or wrong, it’s whatever you and the grandparent feels happy/comfortable with.
I’ll be leaving mine with my mum overnight for the first time in August, they’ll be nearly 5 and 3!

UsernameInvalid66 · 06/02/2018 14:46

If you're bottle feeding, and you trust the grandparents, any age.

If you're breastfeeding, then when they can either go long enough without a breastfeed or you know they'll accept expressed milk.

iux03768 · 06/02/2018 16:02

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