WIBU to complain about the security guard?

[user1466714206]

I've recently moved to a new area and have since started visiting a new shop at the end of my road. It's a small shop (think Tesco Express, Sainsbury's Local etc) so usually has the same staff members in it.

I have only visited the shop maybe 5 or 6 times in the past 3 months but every time I pop in I am always met by the security guard who stands by the door. At first he seemed friendly, would say hello as I came in the shop etc, but has become increasingly more intense with each visit. He has followed me around the shop trying to talk to me, he walks out of the shop to wave at me and try and talk to me if I am walking outside (not even entering the shop!) and more recently he put his hand on my arm and held it there while staring at me and said "lovely girl, you're a lovely beautiful girl" quietly. I immediately stepped away as didn't think it was appropriate and carried on with my shopping.

I've spoken to friends who go to the same shop and they've said he tries to hug them and is equally as inappropriate. I am aware that this may all seem like a guy just trying to be nice but it makes me feel very uncomfortable as I do not know him at all and have hardly said two words to him other than "I'm fine thanks how are you?" When he asks how I'm doing (he also has no awareness of personal space - he comes and stands really close in front of me) so much so that I try to not go in there anymore. He seems to be the only security guard in there working from morning to evening and I am sure he is just being nice to everyone but I feel like touching customers when you don't know them is not okay!

What I want to know is whether you think it's unreasonable to complain to the shop he works for and let them know that this is happening? I'm not the only one being made uncomfortable by this employee and it has caused me to not want to go to the shop anymore. Or, would you just leave it and shop somewhere else? Sorry for the length and hopefully it all makes sense!

This sounds incredibly creepy... Please report this person! He may not know/understand how uncomfortable he's making people and think he's being nice but he needs to be warned

Staff in the shop cannot do very much. Probably need to report to head office. But yes, report. Guard should be deterring shop lifting and keeping staff / customers safe. While he’s harassing you he cannot be doing his job at the same time.

Report him to the store manager and ask him or her for the head office contact number so you can speak to someone there. Or, contact them via social media, but privately probably the quickest way to get a response.

He doesn't think he's being nice. Don't make excuses for creepy predatory behaviour @Loony.

Definitely report him. Its gross and it shouldn't be happening to you or any woman.

I too think you should raise this with the store manager but in an informal, gentle way rather than a complaint (to start anyway). It may be that he has a condition that means he has limited awareness of social etiquette and doesn't realise what he's doing is intrusive and making other uncomfortable. This way, hopefully, the manager can have a little chat with him and try and get him to curb his behaviour.
If it does continue follow it up with an firmer, official complaint.

His condition is being raised in a sexist society.

Why are people so quick to make excuses for this creepy predatory behaviour?

I'm not making excuses for his behaviour, I did say may, not that he deffinitely did. I have met and worked with people with learning difficulties and, in my experience, quite a few do have difficulties with boundaries and get very touchy feely with people, even strangers. They don't mean harm by it they just don't realise how inappropriate their behaviour is. A quick word to tell them it's inappropriate is normally enough to stop it.
Of course if this isn't the case with this person then I agree that his behavious is creepy and predatory and he should be given a warning at least.

Thank you all for your comments, and I am glad that I haven't been overreacting thinking this is inappropriate behaviour. As much as I think he is trying to be friendly I also think that it is more than just being a nice guy - I've never seen him act this way to any male customers (in fact he pretty much ignores them!). The shop is very small and usually very busy so I wouldn't want to make a scene by getting the store manager (especially as the security man will probably overhear - I don't want to make things more uncomfortable for myself) so might raise with head office and ask them to pass feedback on

There's a guy in my local supermarket like that. He is always on the self-service tills (and they never have normal tills open), he always makes comments to me if I buy alcohol about coming round to my house to open the prosecco bottle for me (apparently weak women can't open them!) and if he IDs me he always says that my driving licence must fake because I am far too young to have one. So creepy it puts me off going in there!

It's horrible isn't it intomyheart, today I walked further to go in to a different shop just so I didn't have to see him. And I am sure that I'm not the only person made to feel this way!

Could it be a cultural thing? We have a local Ghanian security guard in a shop near us and he is very "over friendly" but not in a creepy way just very enthusiastic and he always says "sorry in my country we're friendly" etc when people dismiss him when he says hello etc.

*Ghanaian

I couldn't say for sure MrTrebus, but I haven't ever seen him talking to any males in the same manner (or at all..) and I think he must know it's a step too far as when I stepped back after our last encounter he immediately changed the subject and asked me if I was doing some shopping (obviously I was!) so I just said yes and turned away to carry on my shop.

OP I think we have the same local. Security men were brought in a few weeks ago and there is one in particular who follows me round the shop pointing things out and stands very close to me while I'm scanning on the self checkout. I started going to the normal tills and positioning the pram awkwardly to avoid him. Since I went in with my DH he's backed of a bit but I can still feel him staring at me when I'm shopping there. The staff are mainly young girls so I'd feel useless complaining to them as I think they'd be as creeped out as I am.

I would just politely tell him to leave me be..........

I suggest you stand up for yourself and do the same.

It makes you feel so uncomfortable doesn't it Capricorn. This particular security guard seems to work 24/7 - no matter when I go he is always there. There's no escape! I felt bad at first for being creeped out but after he became more physical, rather than just chatty, I feel like it's time to complain. Maybe you should too if you're feeling threatened - it's terrible that they've backed off now your DH is with you rather than just leaving you alone in the first place! There is a difference between friendly customer service and creepy

bridgetoc i agree, and I have tried to make it clear I want to be left alone by ignoring him. but unfortunately I don't feel in a position to tell him to leave me alone. Also sometimes he is innocently asking how I am, so on it's own it's not overstepping any mark, it's just collectively with everything else he says and does that makes it inappropriate. I already feel creeped out by his behaviour and as already stated he leaves the shop to come and chat to me. As it's at the end of my road I don't want him feeling like he can follow me home to chat to me or cross any other boundaries. I also don't live in the nicest of areas so already feel on edge when walking to and from my house already. I came on here to ask whether it was justifiable to be uncomfortable with this behaviour as I wasn't sure whether I was just overreacting

Okay it's possible he has a learning difficulty or he's from a culture where it's perfectly normal and acceptable to follow women around supermarkets making creepy comments.

It just doesn't seem the most likely scenario here. Almost every woman I know has experienced something on the scale of creepy behaviour from men. I had a similar experience with a security guard at work.

This kind of shit goes on all the time. Its therefore not my first assumption that he's trying to be nice but doesn't know how or maybe he has a learning difficulty. It seems much more likely that he's a creep, there's a lot of them about and he's one of them.

He's being inappropriate and if you feel uncomfortable then you're justified in complaining. I would complain if that happened to me.

FFS why how could a man with any learning disability that means he cannot read body language and abide by normal social standards be employed as a security guard?! He would be the worst guard ever and clearly without the necessary skills for the job. Stop making excuses for this creepy man.

If he was genuinely freindly MrTrebus, he would be treating all customers the same, not just the young women.

Sorry you are having to go throught his OP. He is using (abusing) your politeness and feelings of powerlessness against you to invade your space and pressure you. It is totally unacceptable. Regardless of whether he thinks his behaviour is OK and harmless(ha!!), it is not and he needs to be told and stopped. I suspect he is well aware of what he is doing but enjoys the feeling of seeing how far he can push the limits. Some vulnerable women might even think he is genuinely 'charming' and this is probably what he is after. In the meantime he gets his kicks out of smarming over any women he wants to. Ugh. It is disgusting.

Please complain. For your sake and for others, especially the young girls who work there. Take it as high as you need to. The evidence will be on the stores CCTV so you have back up for your version of events.