To ask DS's boss to stop asking him to do overtime?

[purpleandyellowcrocus3]

I appreciate DS is an adult but he has special needs.

He has been very ill recently. Part of this is linked to doing nights.

He isnt very good at saying no so when he is offered o/t takes it ... his boss is lovely and would it be unreasonable to ask her to not offer him extra shifts?

Of course not
I'm sure she will be mortified if she knows she is contributing to his illness

Talk to DS, but don't talk to his work. Like you say, he is an adult who is independent enough to work

I think it would be more helpful long term to help your son have that conversation himself.

I think you need to encourage your ds to speak up tbh, I understand his got special needs and his got a nice boss you could speak to but you doing that isn’t really going to help him in the next job or the one after If people are taking advantage is it?

As he is also an adult he does need encouraging before his parent does it for him

There is no way he would be able to gave that conversation himself, sadly.

Talking to DS won't get me anywhere either.

Has he said he doesn't want the overtime, or are you deciding for him? How is his illness due to him working nights? Is this fact or something you have decided?

Because he barely sleeps. And has made him very rundown. I don't mean a cold by the way but being hospitalised.

He hasnt got the capacity to make the link between overdoing it and becoming unwell.

This is where it is so hard as i need to still be a Mum, but he is an adult. Please don't be too combative in replies. It is a difficult tightrope to walk.

For me it very much would depend on what the special needs are and how they affected him. For example I have gone to college appointments with my sd who is autistic and felt she needed a support there. You know the answers to these questions and none of us do but my first port of call would be to have a chat with ds about it first.

Thank you driggle

Talking to him will just make him agitated and distressed.

Do you take care of his adult human being obligations (like bills, housing, taxes, finances, etc.)?

If yes, absolutely speak to his boss.

I don't think there's anything wrong with talking to his boss. It sounds like he needs an advocate.

That's really tough. Hope he's doing better now. It is a bit of a tightrope.... How would he react if he found out you talked to his boss?

Does he have a care worker or someone who helps him get jobs and write cvs etc. It would be best to come from them.

No, no care worker.

He would be embarrassed and upset if he found out I spoke to his boss.

He lives with me so housing etc is via me.

It’s a very tricky situation but you said that he’d be embarrassed and upset, so I’d be concerned about you going behind his back. Have you spoken openly to DS and straight out told him that the extra work is making him poorly?

Yes, but he finds saying no very difficult.

Yes if they can’t communicate directly I would

He doesn’t need to know

Many adults with special needs are in paid employment. However they need support in certain aspects, and this sounds like one of those situations.

OP I wouldn't hesitate contacting his employer, and obviously they are aware of his needs, and therefore will probably do there best to accommodate these needs.

I have worked in organisation who employ those with additional needs and I can hand on heart say, that managers have always worked there hardest to accommodate the individuals.

Thank you

I know I absolutely would speak to the boss but it’s really your call. Would the boss keep it confidential from your ds? In this instance you would very justified in speaking with her.