AIBU to not know what box to tick?

[MiddleClassProblem]

Filling out DD nursery application and there’s that question I dreaded question asking you to tick the ethnicity. I have a hard enough time figuring out what box to tick for myself being from a mixed raced ethnicity on one side and a British ethnicity in the other. But DD is even the next generation of that again with DH being British and me being a whatever I am.

Short of tracing all the different branches of a mixed family tree or doing one of those dna test that may not be that accurate, I feel a bit confused. And it doesn’t help that different forms have different box options so you can go in looking for the one you thought might be you last time and it’s not there.

Does anyone else dread these boxes? What do you tick if you come from a mixed parent, you’re mixed British and then have a child who is a bit you with British? Do you just tick the same as you?

Also don’t know how much of a difference it makes that she is white and I’m not. It’s such a mine field!

virtualreality it is odd that it’s on everything.

It's strange that there's no option for British Other. Is there an option for Mixed Other? Could you just tick that? My white Irish friend (now living in UK) has 2 children, both born in the UK. Her husband is black and was born in the UK to parents from Zimbabwe. She usually ticks Mixed Other for her kids.

virtualreality

If it's for a nursery form it will be used for census and local authority information. I used to be a nursery manager and we asked for this information, the only thing we ever did with it was use it on nursery finding forms, which were in turn used by the LA as census information

Fruitcocktail6.

Thanks for the information.

I still think it is very intrusive and unnecessary. Is the census not a separate form filling exercise every few years in UK where they can ask all these questions anyway?

I hope I didn't offend anyone, I just thought that asking the ethnicity of a child was a tad intrusive. I would leave the box blank TBH.

If I knew what the purpose of the question was I'd probably calm down a bit, but no one seems to know, apart from you Fruit, and thanks for that.

Hmm. LA information what would that be I wonder if not discriminatory in some form. I could be wrong apologies if my spidey sense is letting me down again!

Big Brother...

I think it's just on there so they can show they are inclusive of other ethnicities than white, tbh.

I have a similar issue but DD is now old enough to say what she feels. She is white to look at - blue eyes, light brown hair, pale skin (but goes v brown in the sun compared to a standard British white person and never ever burns). When asked what she is, she says 'Other' which seems a strange identity but it is a very big part of who she is that she has one grandparent who is pretty dark brown. She feels very proud of that part of her heritage. The rest of the family on my side is a mishmash of mainly Celtic heritage (also important to her) and her Dad's family are white British with no complexities. I am fairly unplaceable (people often guess some kind of Mediterranean heritage and they can definitely tell I am not completely white British but they don't often guess non-white heritage, though I've had all kinds of assumptions).

In your shoes, I'd just tick Other and wait until your child is old enough to categorise herself before you tick anything else.

Don't fill it is. It's just for statistical purposes. No one really cares.

No one cares but it’s a bit crap to be misrepresented or a census comes back and cultures are skewed as people tick just British white when not or just a vague Other.

If you’re white British you get represented so who gives a fuck about the rest of us? That’s how that feels.

I hope one day it will be a while side of paper with ethnicities listed band then nationalities listed and you’re allowed to tick multiple boxes in each section.

I forgot the

@virtualreality the census that @Fruitcocktail6 referred to is an annual one done by nurseries/schools to identify how many pupils there are for funding reasons. Not the decennial national census for the ONS.

just for statistical purposes. No one really cares

Actually that’s not true. Those of us who collect data for statistical purposes care passionately about getting the information.

The nursery won’t care, but it could be very important in determining whether a particular group is being ‚‘left behind‘ in terms of funding or assistance.

Assassinated,

Thank you. Census is every five years here but no matter.

Ah, I see that the data is related to LA funding and the numbers etc. Nothing wrong with that. But I still have a bit of a shiver WRT to the reason why Ethnicity is a feature of funding. But as I am not in the UK, I may not fully understand the reason such a question is asked, when you think about all the equality laws that are out there!

Anyway, thanks for the heads up. I would not fill in the answer personally. It goes against all my principles of privacy (I do know that certain information has to be imparted such as age, address etc.) and potential discrimination and so on. It just seems to be a very intrusive question, and it would not be tolerated here where I am. The authorities would be terrified to ask it!

I tick mixed white and asian for my white looking DCs. I’m sure people think I’m their childminder or something.

Don't tick a box. None of their business and not part of an entry qualification.

altiara yeah, I sometimes think that about DD but apparently she looks a lot like me but it’s hard to see yourself. I can remember getting my 14-16 travelcard or whatever it was and the guy at the station asking me if my mum is really my Mum. It must have really hurt her.

I do wonder what mixed raced adopted people do if they don’t know about their birth parents’ details.

Totally understand I'm white and black/Caribbean mixed. One child looks white with straight hair one looks half carribean. (Same father just luck of the genes). One thinks they're white and the other DC thinks they're brown. I'm totally confused not least as someone suggested that for certain entrAnce criteria being mixed would be preferable due to positive discrimination.
Who knows what to put on these things. I feel racist or in denial if I don't try to get it right and feel like a fraud if I just describe what they look like...
the children are confused as to why any of it matters at all and find it most bizarre...
Anyway i drivelled

It was suggested to me later that some of my success in life was due to ticking that box how depressing is that?

I hear you, OP. I have an extremely mixed heritage. I usually go with 'Any other mixed' , because it's too complicated. I did have quite a complex conversation with the midwife wife at my booking in appointment, because i realised it may make a difference to the testing I needed.

If you’re white British you get represented so who gives a fuck about the rest of us? That’s how that feels.

Yes, this is how I feel about DD's choice of Other. I mean, I am happy that she has a strong sense of identity and that that includes all parts of her ethnic background. But 'Other' is a really strange thing to label yourself as. I feel a bit weird about it. And a bit cross. Not quite sure what a better term would be, tbh. But people do actually need to know these things, because if you want equality of opportunity for all sectors of society then somebody needs to check how that actually looks in reality and if it is working out.

Not to mention that self-identity is a pretty strange beast. DD looks absolutely white. But she thinks she is brown, presumably because I am.

I think it’s extra frustrating as people are more and more mixed so we either need to drop it or cover everything with the full ethnicity/nationality list. I think the last census may have had that. It feels an awfully long time since we had one.

I don’t know what to make of it all tbh.

Thank you @Pistachiois50pmore and @AuntyElle

I’ve just read those articles and they have articulated so much of how I feel. It also makes me want to urge people who say I’m over thinking it or it doesn’t matter to read them. That’s how I grew up, that’s how I still live. My daughter may be the same but I hope that socially it’s less of a question than it was when I was a child. I’ve suffered racism and acceptance in the strangest places. I’ve generally felt blessed with it and loved being a chameleon but the over explaining of heiritage, the different treatment or expectations because of the colour of my skin and the denial that my mother is my mother from strangers do leave their mark.

I never know what box I’m most comfortable with for myself maybe because I don’t fully understand what I am nor have felt the need to explore it because I am what I am. It only seems others went to define it and need my answer and that includes the government. I equally don’t really want to just be dumped in the “other” pile like an item at lost and found.

It’s very complex, even within my own head I battle. Maybe it’s overthinking but am I wrong to overthink who I am and how that affects my daughter?

Anyway, that’s my late night splurt of thoughts and emotions. I’m just glad to hear and read similar stories from you all and the articles posted. Thank you all for your input x

Having grown up under apartheid where people were forcibly classified by race and ethnicity, I refuse to answer any questions about racial or ethnic identity.