About School and detention?

[Recallclock]

Prepared to be flamed.

Dd has sen and is according to schools own safeguarding team 'vulnerable'
Because of bullying and lack of options when we moved her her new school is out of Borough.

There has been a few times she has been kept back as a whole class detention because someone else wouldn't shut up talking and missed her connecting bus and got home very late leaving her waiting forty minutes alone at a bus stop and walking through the door at 6.30pm. (her school finished at 4.10pm but even keeping them back twenty minutes means she misses her commenting bus.)

I had a lot of involvement with the old senco who was brilliant and was in contact regularly but a new one has started and I have little involvement with her however I spoke to her on the advice of Mumsnet and asked for dd to be not kept back if she had not been involved due to her issues getting home and if she had to be given recall for herself if it could be done at lunch or if it had to be after school with notice so I could sort collection. She's never had individual recall.

I have just had a phone call now to say she is being kept back tonight as she hasn't done her homework. I'm not impressed she has not done her homework (she does have organisation issues as part of her sen) but she's not done it so fair enough.
I'm miles away with no car and can't get hold of my Dad to get her so my sen child will be on detention until 5pm and isn't likely to walk through the door until 7pm.
She also doesn't know the buses at other times so is going to be in a right state.

Aibu to have expected them to give a sen child 24 hours notice particularly when I have asked and they agreed or keep her in at lunch?

[rowdywoman1]

and dd was so grateful that she had someone to help explain what she needed to do it was pitiful
OP - comments like this always break my heart.

With many decades teaching in all types of schools as well as working with them I know how hard teaching is. Somehow we 'forget', 'ignore' don't notice' the quieter children. I know I am as guilty of this as any other teacher.
Ironically it is when we pay attention to this group, when the quiet cooperative group know that we care about their learning, we mark their books, we are passionate about their progress and learning and we talk to them, that the badly behaved ones start to merge into the group as they don't have anyone to follow them. They have no power with firm but fair teachers.

And it IS the teacher's responsibility to ensure your child can access their lessons. It's called differentiation and the school needs to be ensuring that it happens for her in every lesson.

Sorry for both you and your daughter that this is so difficult

[fleshmarketclose]

Shed dd's SENCo is useless and stupid I don't even have to bother with the "after seeking legal advice" so long as I couch my demands in semi legalese speak then it's law as far as she is concerned I'm pretty sure she will be delighted to see the back of me tbh almost as much as I will be to see the back of her.
If it wasn't for the fact I will do whatever it takes to get the support dd needs I could almost feel bad for taking advantage of her ignorance tbh. But then I figure if she knew and performed her role well she wouldn't be victim to someone who knows enough to take advantage would she?

[LakieLady]

Any new Head at my school needs to get behaviour under control before they can address the needs of individual children

Perhaps controlling behaviour might be easier if the needs of individual children were considered in tandem with behaviour. The two are not always unconnected imo.

[Recallclock]

I just wanted to thank everyone who has offered advice.
The new Senco has obviously sorted it behind the scenes and given dd the homework to do to hand to the teacher next lesson without punishment.
Dd is going to do it tonight but having seen the sheet she is now certain that she has indeed done it and handed it in as she thought.

I have a feeling that someone involved might have seen this post tbh but I'm grateful it's sorted.

[Shedmicehugh]

Rowdy you are the kind of teacher I was referring to in my earlier post, wanting to understanding makes so much difference thank you

Flesh no she wouldn’t, SENCO’s should know the basics. They often don’t, some schools SENCO’s are class teachers etc. I should imagine a SENCO needs to be full time to have any kind of expertise in the field.

It’s such a shame, when you get the ‘I know best’ kind of teachers. Parents are such a great resource, if you work in partnership with them.

Anyhow I don’t want to teacher bash! There are some very understanding and caring ones, to who I’m very grateful.

[fleshmarketclose]

Yes dd and ds have had some brilliant teachers, TA's and SENCo's who I am really grateful to as well. The really special ones I will remember always and one or two I keep in touch with years after their time in my dc's lives came to an end.
I'd say on balance there have been a few exceptional teachers,plenty of really good ones, a few that were less than I'd hope for and one or two that were grim.

[rowdywoman1]

Shedmicehugh
Thank you - most teachers genuinely want to work in partnership but at times it is a challenge, mainly because of the relentless pressure.

As said upthread - parents are experts in their children's SEN .It took me a while to understand why some parents got so quickly exasperated with a teacher or a school and it was only when I took a job outside the classroom for a few years that I understood just how frustrating the lack of communication / understanding must be. I have been roundly berated on a number of occasions for my (and others) incompetence!

Schools don't mean to be thoughtless and the arrogant 'I know better than you' teachers are fortunately a rare breed.

[fleshmarketclose]

Rowdy ds once had a teacher who was also the SENCo who was initially in the "I don't need your knowledge" group. Hand on heart, I didn't envy any teacher who had ds in their class because he was a bloody nightmare unless you knew exactly what made him tick and even then that wasn't foolproof. Fortunately in the most part ds's teachers had always been happy to work with me to get the best from ds.
It took a matter of weeks before the teacher realised she couldn't get ds to comply with anything (ds didn't care about consequences and there were no deterrents that would overrule his impulsive reactions) and he ran amok and no child could learn because ds could disrupt a whole school never mind a class.
She asked to speak to me because she wanted ds to move tables and neither she nor his TA could get him to move and anyone who sat where he considered his place would be unceremoniously dumped on the floor if they didn't move quickly when they saw him approaching
I did nothing more than move his identical chair and the pot of pencils (his points of reference) to the place she wanted him to sit and told her he would move now and ds, true to form, did.
In that moment something clicked with that teacher and she turned out to be fantastic because with my insight and her ability she could manage ds like a dream and ds made outstanding progress.
I remember at ds's Annual Review that year where she said "I think flesh's ds likes me, he's only thrown something at me once and he missed my head and he never misses"
We ended up good friends and a good team for ds and I still send her yearly updates some twelve years later.

[rowdywoman1]

fleshmarketclose
That's lovely - and I bet you played your part by not telling her "I told you so!" Did you have to bite your tongue?
It is so powerful when we all work together.

[fleshmarketclose]

No I would never do the I told you so and besides she did look a bit embarrassed to have to ask for my help. I think all parents want to support their child's teachers to get the best for their children I know I always have. I never doubted that she was a good teacher I think she probably thought her general knowledge and experience of children with ASD would be enough to get her through but ds never read the books on how to be a typical child with ASD .

[VileyRose]

I would be LIVID. My son is also SEN. I really wouldn't be happy. I would actually refuse him to attend these without prior agreement with myself.

[Shedmicehugh]

Rowdy I like that! One of the best teachers ds has ever had, was one who would put his hands up and say I don’t understand! Rather than plodding along, pretending he was expert! When he wrote ds’s then called IEP and I asked for it to be SMART and amendments, he admitted he didn’t really know how and asked could I help him! He didn’t last long at that school, which is a real shame.

Another SENCO at a different school actually reported me to social services due to ds’s self harm and cuts! Despite having several expert reports regarding it! Because she knew best, having known ds for a year, there was no way he would do that! Lack of understanding and a big ego, who will not back down, can be quite a dangerous thing!

Wanting to understand goes a very long way.

[Coker80]

Hi.im new to the site and need your advise.
My son is in year 3..just found out the the teacher takes my son out of class for reading.which means he doesn't finish his work in class.but what the school have been doing is keeping my son in on breaks or lunch to catch up.i asked the teacher that i dont give permission for this as its not his fault but the school teacher said i gave up my rights when my son joined the school..said i have no say over my child.... is this right. What is the law for this.hes only 8 years old.he does his homework..never naughty at school.hes always helping the teachers.

[dublinmammy1982]

@Coker80 you need to start your own thread