To be annoyed that baby change is always in disabled toilet?

[lizzlebizzle33]

Just that really, twice this week I have come out of a baby change (having had to deal with a full outfit change for 3mo old 🙈💩) to find a fed up looking person in a wheel chair has been waiting ages for the loo, or another mum in the same boat as me but having to wait there with a grumpy, stinky baby.

It makes me feel guilty and I always apologise but it's not my fault that's where they put the baby change and there is only one.

AIBU to think they could be a small room with one or two baby changes in? I wouldn't mind sharing.

Obviously not everywhere has the room to do this but the bigger places.

Disabled people can be parents!!!!!

I think it is the most sensible solution - we have a toddler and a disabled 8 year old - using disabled toilets with baby change works fantastically. We could not get all of us in a normal cubical and asking us to queue up twice.

It is not always ideal in every situation but looking at the balance of everyone's needs probably the most realistic solution in the majority of situations

A place near us has the perfect solution, you go in the door small space for 2 buggys then there's a small seating area behind a curved wall for breastfeeding. Theres sinks and a couple of changing tables and then theres 2 large ground to floor cubicles with toilet sink changing table and a little seat to strap them in on the wall while you take a pee and outside. The whole unit doesn't seem to take up a lot of space and it provides the right amount of space and privacy

pengggwin is right, though, mumsnet is full of negative attitudes towards mothers. It's a sort of 'women and children last' approach sometimes.

Personally I have enough incentive to go as fast as I can as my dd has always hated being changed so prolonging the wriggling and screaming in a tiny cramped room with awful overhead lighting isn't my idea of fun. The worst experiences have been on Virgin Trains where they throw in that 'don't flush your ex's sweater message' in to make for an even more hellish few minutes.

It isn't though. I've often found it in women's loos, my DH has on occasion found one in the men's and, larger shops/shopping centres usually have a dedicated parent room with a separate changing area

I should imagine the vast majority are quite quick changing a baby's nappy. When it gets annoying is when they are clearly taking their time, as you can hear them chatting away and playing with the baby, or even sometimes feeding the baby in there.

It's better than just being in the female changing rooms. My dh often finds that he has to be creative when changing ds when he is out with him.

Chatting away as they take a normal amount of time changing baby is fine, but sometimes it's clear to the listener who is waiting outside that they are dawdling etc...blowing several raspberries on their tummy etc....when there is a queue, it's rude and can come across as performance parenting. The people in the queue don't care how cute your baby is, they just want you to be quick.

The thing is, it's shared space. I have as much right to be in there as a disabled person does. I wouldn't take my time, especially if I knew there was a queue, but I wouldn't compromise the change, nor would I feel guilty if there was a disabled person waiting when I came out. I'm sure they wouldn't, if it were me waiting to go in!

Agree pengggwin sometimes chatting might sound like I'm going slowly to someone else, but it would actually be speeding up the process as it would be keeping the baby calm and cooperative. No one actually wants to prolong the experience of cleaning up poo for extra enjoyment. I can blow a raspberry on a tummy to make a grumpy baby giggle while fishing out wipes with a free hand.

And are you serious TabbyMumz? Performance parenting to an empty room?

OMG someone CHATTING to their baby! How dare they! 'Performance Parenting' is such a ludicrous, vile, sneery thing to say.

Bustopher.....yes I am serious...they often know there is a queue outside as there was a queue when they went in!!!! I've often been in a queue waiting and seen fellow queue'ers roll their eyes at the nonsense clearly going on inside.

Accessible toilets are a piss take

Unless they are a changing spaces toilet, disabled older children and adults who require changing have to be changed on the floor. If you ate a disabled patent, you may be able to access the changing table, but if you were in a wheelchair you wouldn't be able to.

Doubling them up as baby changing spaces, just makes them less accessible.

There should be fold down changing mats in the men's and ladies, and a dedicated accessible toilet,preferably a changing space or radar key toilet.

www.changing-places.org/

What if I'm in the loo assisting an adult? Am I performance caring if I chat a bit to make the whole experience a bit more pleasant and dignified? Why is a baby less deserving of care than any of the many adults I have cared for?

Roll your eyes all you like, but you have to be pretty self absorbed to think that what's going on inside a locked loo cubicle is for your benefit. Baby change rooms are usually cramped, smelly and dirty, with tiny tables at a weird angle, and horrible overhead lights that upset the baby. No one goes in there unless they have to. They go in to clean up shit. If chatting to a baby makes it less likely that the shit is going to get rolled in, and go everywhere or kicked about then I will have a chat. If it keeps the baby distracted so they don't get distressed then I will have a chat. If I want to chat to my baby as we go about our day because it makes both our lives a little better, then I will have a bloody chat.

It possibly sounds like I am performance parenting ds, especially if I am having to try to change him (he is 8 now) because he has had an accident while out (before Now when waiting to be able to get into the disabled toilet...) because I have to do whatever is needed to keep him calm while cleaning ds, wrestling him out of his Lycra suit and cleaning his chair enough. All in a room that is rarely big enough and very rarely has a step in it.

And I am lucky because ds can stand so at least I don’t need to lie him on the dirty floor to change him!

Don’t judge on what you can hear through the door!

If I'm waiting in a queue to use a toilet and the person in there is taking an excessively long time to change a nappy and is making a song and dance loud enough for the whole queue to hear, and is clearly not just chatting to calm the baby but chatting/ playing and obviously delaying things, then I am going to carry on judging. I have changed hundreds if not thousands of nappies myself and know how long it can take, and know the difference between calmly chatting and performance parenting thanks.

You can judge what you want, but sometimes with a reluctant baby, it's better to sing and distract them than having to deal with a complete meltdown, which then takes a lot longer to deal with.

I feel sorry for people who haven't got a thick skin sometimes, they must be made to feel very small by unpleasant people.

My DH got very dirty looks for using ladies toilets. It was the only ones with changing facilities for the baby, so that's where he went. As women have cubicles, he wasn't perving on anyone. It must have been pretty obvious why he was there, but he still got some tutting and looks of hatred.