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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not put the milk away?

27 replies

caffeine99 · 04/02/2018 20:47

Minor back story... yesterday my husband took our two young children out just before 12pm and returned with them around 5pm.

In that time I had a bath, washed my hair, had a 20 minute nap and then folded and put away three loads of washing, put another loads of washing on, cleaned the sitting room (untied for over a week and in a bad state) and started work on the kitchen.

When my husband returned he started slamming doors dramatically. When I asked what the problem was he complained I had done nothing to tidy up while I was out. Seemingly he either didn’t notice or didn’t care about the sitting room.

He then went to bed and stayed there until 9pm.

I made Dinner for both children and cleaned the whole kitchen, then dealt with the next two loads of washing, including ironing this time.

Around 9pm (as husband got up) I took the youngest to bed with me (eldest was already asleep).

Children had me up at 8am. Husband stayed in bed (as normal). I got the children organised and the three of us left at 10am to visit grandparents for the day.

I returned at 8.30pm. The youngest woke as I arrived so I carried her and a bottle of milk in to my husband along with the change bag. Husband was in the sitting room with his feet up in front of the fire watching TV. I put the milk on the floor and asked him to hold the youngest and get her some milk in a sippy cup while I retrieved the eldest from the car (he was asleep) and got the rest of our things.

He started shouting that I should put the milk away. I ignored this as I wanted to get the eldest out of the car and into bed before he woke.

Youngest started crying as she wanted me to continue holding her. Husband shouted something about me leaving him with a disaster.

I retrieved eldest and the rest of our bags and brought eldest upstairs to bed. I could hear youngest downstairs so rushed down to collect her. At the top of the stairs I heard a bang - husband has thrown the milk into the hall and slammed the sitting room door shut.

I asked why and he said I should’ve put the milk away. Youngest was still screaming so I lifted her and commented that husband could’ve helped with our bags.

I was dismayed to find that husband had neglected to hoover or mop the floor in the kitchen or hall (which I didn’t do yesterday).

I’m pissed because he’s clearly had a lazy day on his own. I don’t begrudge him that but when the tables were turned yesterday he returned home and then berated me for doing nothing.

So... was I being unreasonable not to put the milk away immediately or should I just LTB?

OP posts:
Sammysquiz · 04/02/2018 20:49

Bloody hell, it all sounds pretty miserable to me. Is he always like this?

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 04/02/2018 20:50

YANBU. He sounds dreadful. What does he actually contribute to family life?!

babyccinoo · 04/02/2018 20:50

Please just LTB Angry

pastachucker · 04/02/2018 20:52

Prick. LTB

Abracadabraapileofbollocks · 04/02/2018 20:53

Tell him to f off - for good. Seriously? Throwing bottles of milk around? Sitting on his arse for a whole day? There's a reason why you already don't take him on family days out i take it?

wilts09 · 04/02/2018 20:54

YANBU. He coulda just helped you out for five seconds and put the milk away.
I'd try and forget the fact he threw the milk into the hall like a child and just continue as you would normally. Maybe he's having a bad day or is he normally this short tempered?
Go mama you are doing a fab job x

Bambamber · 04/02/2018 20:54

LTB, even if you don't do it for yourself, think about the long term effect it will have on your children seeing his aggressive behaviour

HSMMaCM · 04/02/2018 20:56

Does he do anything to make your life easier?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 04/02/2018 20:58

What a cock.

Do not clean his mess.

Get a solicitor.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 04/02/2018 20:59

Why did you get involved with him?

Eliza9917 · 04/02/2018 20:59

Leave him. Who would have cleaned it up if the bottle of milk split? What if he'd dropped baby while carrying on?

And as for being a lazy arse, fuck that, your life would probably be easier without him.

bingandflop · 04/02/2018 21:01

Fuck me, I would be divorcing that kind of arsehole

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 04/02/2018 21:02

If it's a genuine question, then yes, LTB.

Derlei · 04/02/2018 21:03

He sounds petulant and completely unreasonable. And I think it becomes completely unacceptable when he can’t even mask his frustration from your poor DD

Lucymek · 04/02/2018 21:03

This is horrible. What a horrible environment for you and your kids.

All the slamming of doors and shouting from him isn't on. Neither of you sound happy.

Either discuss it asap or make
Plans to leave.

Oysterbabe · 04/02/2018 21:05

Your relationship sounds awful from this snapshot. I frequently do nothing but keep the kids alive all day and DH wouldn't say a word.

OutyMcOutface · 04/02/2018 21:05

Um well I mean he sounds like an abusive, entitled, hypocrite so yeah, LTB.

safariboot · 04/02/2018 21:06

His behaviour is abusive or nearly so. It needs to be stopped before it escalates.

Original poster
caffeine99 · 04/02/2018 21:13

He has form for this behaviour... to be fair to him he apologised for complaining yesterday and explained ‘he was tired’.

I’m frequently tired but I suck it up and get on with it.

I have asked him what he contributes to family life... right now that mostly seems to be his share of the bills.

We both work full time in evenly paid jobs (ie no distinctly bigger earner) but I do 99% of the childcare. I feel like I do at least 90% of the housework (if not more) but he would dispute that.

When we first dated he used to be helpful and kind. This seemed to change when we got married and had children.

I have considered divorce and often think about the negative example of the children. But then I think about how they’re happy in their home and their school and should have two parents at home?

I know that it’s more important that their parents are happy but the thought of divorce seems very final.

I feel angry today but in the morning we will both act like nothing happened and life continues on.

OP posts:
FrozenMargarita17 · 04/02/2018 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

timeisnotaline · 04/02/2018 21:17

Tell him. When we got together you werw helpful and kind. Now you treat me like shit, occasionally give me a half arsed apology ‘you’re tired’ but I don’t treat you like that and you wouldn’t forgive me if I did. I do nearly all the work , but I didn’t put the fucking milk away while getting our children in from the car. Do you want to leave? Im starting to want you to leave.

FrozenMargarita17 · 04/02/2018 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
caffeine99 · 04/02/2018 21:26

Timeisnotaline you put that really succinctly - I am definitely going to try that..

FrozenMarguerita that is one of my big fears... that by staying I am setting a terrible example and ruining my childrens’ lives and future relationships Sad

OP posts:
babyccinoo · 04/02/2018 21:34

You sound so defeated, OP Sad

I think DC will be happy if you're happy, even if that's in a different home.

It would really stick in my craw to do anything for him. Can you at least stop cooking for him and doing his laundry while you figure outwhat you want to do?

BrutusMcDogface · 04/02/2018 21:39

I echo what Frozen said above. Staying in a miserable marriage for the sake of the kids is wrong. My parents split when I was really quite young but I felt nothing but relief.

You deserve better. Your children deserve better. He sounds like a complete arsehole.