So, how would you explain what it is like to be a biological female?

[TopBitchoftheWitches]

Just that really....

My DS had to interview me as part of his homework today. It is all about males/females/ expectations etc. I had to finish the sentence 'the best thing about being a girl is........' I literally can't come up with an answer!

I am a post-menopausal Woman.

Ill never be anything else than a Woman even though I can no longer reproduce .

I am NOT and Never will accept being reduced to being a 'cis-woman'. I reject that term as an insulting label of oppression just as much as all other forms of oppression woman have suffered because of our XX biological gender and reductive 'society norms'

I am just a Woman End of.

What sex I am. Getting grabbed and groped by boys and men against my will. Having to look behind me and carry keys in my hand when outside after dark. Being afraid to walk home alone. Being told I was unable to be in my chosen employment because I didn’t have a penis. Being told that I had to sign an employment contract that said I would leave if I got pregnant or married. Having to leave work dinners early with the wives because I didn’t have a penis. Being told to run the babysitting roster because I didn’t have a penis. Being told I wouldn’t get an award because I was too dour. Having to wear a skirt and heels in public facing positions. Being told I must be cheating in physical activities because I couldn’t possibly beat a man legitimately. Listening to co-workers complain about female peers. Being told I couldn’t join search and rescue because the men’s wives wouldn’t like it. Being blindfolded and having my arms tied by my own shirt in the work bar and being groped by a group of male colleagues. Being turned down for a promotion for not having a penis and a wife. Having a female supervisor offer to support me if I wanted to file a complaint. Leaving instead because the institution gave not one single fuck about women. Bleeding, bleeding, more bleeding. Childbirth. Childbirth. Childbirth. Caring responsibilities. Giving up everything for a disabled child. Making yourself vulnerable in financial terms because either you swallow the female role and care or your child gets abandoned to the state. Trying to find meaningful pt work around caring responsibilities. More bleeding. More caring.

Ultimately, it’s biology. But in social terms being a woman is about having definitions, roles and abuse imposed upon you by others. Lack of choice.

So when the next fucking clueless transwoman tells me they are scared to walk home from the pub alone in case they get beaten up for being trans, forgive me if I laugh in their face. Yes dear. Welcome to my life.

I like boys things. Always have. I liked He-Man and Star Wars and Transformers.

As I got older I played videogames - I could beat the boys at Chuckie Egg . I listened to "boys" music - I was into indie rather than chart stuff.

I don't wear make up, can't be arsed with it. I don't have a thing for shoes (though I do quite like bags) and I very rarely do anything with my hair.

I'm a woman though. Female. But outside of the physical (periods, pregnancy, ovarian dermoid cyst and removal of that ovary) and the social/cultural (not listened to in the workplace by men or women who only listen to men, being groped etc at various times in my life, me as a person suddenly ceasing to matter when being induced with DS), I'm just me. I just feel like me.

You know you're female when men talk:

• to your tits
• over you
• down to you

For me its:

Periods and all the talk about who has 'started', trying to hide the rustling of my big fat sanitary towels from the other girls (who would all have been having periods anyway) in the loos.
Boobs growing and that transition from 'crop top', to 'junior bra' to 'proper bra'.
Being smaller and weaker than lots of people and becoming aware of the implications of that as I got older.
Walking along the street in my tracksuit bottoms and Gap hoodie and being catcalled by blokes hanging out of a white van. Wondering if I am supposed to be flattered by this because I just feel plain old uncomfortable.
Sexual experiences which just felt 'wrong', because I didn't say no but I wasn't really up for it either.
One particular experience where I know I said no, but they carried on anyway and afterwards I didn't really think much of it because I was drunk and I went back with him, but here I am still thinking about it 15 years later.
Marrying a great bloke who loves and respects me and is always willing to equally share the load.
Remembering to have to take a little pill each day to make sure that when said husband put his penis in my vagina and ejaculated sperm cells, the sperm didn't meet with my ova and conceive another human.
Deciding to stop taking that pill so that we could see if putting his penis in my vagina would result in the human that we decided that we would like to make.
Carrying baby in my uterus for 9 months, being sick every single day for 3 months, waving goodbye to my jeans that I have never seen since, watching my stomach expand to comic proportions, before being in labour for 3 days and finally that baby being hauled out of my vagina with barbecue tongs.
Feeling the mad rush of happiness the day after my baby was born.
Experiencing the utter shock that was breastfeeding in all its milk squirting, leaking, excruciatingly painful, huge titted glory.
Deciding that it wasn't for me and breaking open the Aptamil at 4 weeks and starting to enjoy my baby.
Doing the whole thing again 2 years later.
Going for smear tests and hoping its all OK.
Deciding that I didn't want to have to remember to take a pill each day, so going for a mirena coil because it sounded fab, but actually finding out it just makes a spotty, bitchy, bleeding, sore titted mess.
Trying to decide what to do next because we definitely don't want anymore kids, but unless DH gets the snip it's on me to sort it.
Getting older and it becoming clear that women really do get a shitty deal a lot of the time.

Christ that was long, sorry, but it felt quite cathartic! I'm sure there is more I could think of.

I genuinely fail to understand how anyone who wasn't born with a female body knows they are 'actually a woman'.

powerful post mamaryllis.

round of applause mamaryllis!!

theHair

Take the physiology out of it and sometimes I wonder.
I liked climbing trees, getting muddy, always had pockets full of marbles , stones, rubber bands and a random bottle top. Had my brother's hand me down until late teens. Was taught to be more ladylike but prefer diy and oily stuff. Got asked if I was a bit or a girl by my friend's daughter. Felt pissed off With all things period. Loved carrying kids. Have been called a woman in a mans world and subjected to masogony on an almighty scale. Have been looked down at for being just a woman, told not to bother because only men make it in this world without using sex...I could go on. Being tough and assertive makes me an icy bitch in the workplace. Have a boss who likes me to remember my place (does not do strong women). Am not as strong or talk as the men around me but they come to me for all the intuitive stuff.

mamaryllis xx

I have female chromosomes, the sperm that fertilised the eggs was for a female baby, biologically every part of my body is that of a woman and always will be. My wishes and personality will never be able to change that, nor would I want it to. It is what makes me, me.

Being talked over at your classic car club until you loudly pipe up that actually it's my car and yes I know more about it than dh does and no I don't appreciate that they assume otherwise (not dhs fault I should add) That put the wind up them ;)

In terms of what it feels like...... I don't know what it feels. It's not what you wear or don't wear, it's not a feeling, I'm just me. And I've never not been me.

Except when i wear heels. I feel like a child wearing my mums clothes when i wear heels. I prefer docs or converse and I'll probably be buried in one of those

Only being visible when I'm at my ideal weight.
Men can age and gain weight without their perceived value to other men disappearing

Yep, what mamaryllis said.

Starting periods at 11yo. Periods every month, period pain every month. Being groped and leered at and called at by men on the street from age 12. Years of worrying about not getting pregnant. Getting coils and caps fitted. Years of trying to get - and stay - pregnant. Miscarriages. Smear tests. Laparoscopies and hysteroscopies. More strangers examining my cervix and womb than I can count. Having ashermans syndrome. Being told by a male GP when I had abnormal periods due to the AS and facing infertility "think yourself lucky, many women would be thankful to have lighter periods". Being told by a male gynae when I was screaming in agony as he was incompetently trying to break through the uterine scar tissue don't worry I'm used to dealing with women in pain (). Giving birth. Bleeding, bleeding, bleeding. Leaking breastmilk. Lochia. Child diagnosed with SN, so caring responsibilities. Second childbirth, and giving up path of career (DP didn't though). Current vulnerability because unmarried and no big career due to having to give up career for above. Now - beginning of menopause, erratic periods, mood swings and hot flushes. Lovely hormonal reminders of being female yet again!

As a pp said, almost all totally visceral and biological. The fundamental way I know I'm a woman is my biological function - and every social interaction throughout my life has been based on that.

It is blood, pain, and more blood

I am always female - no matter what I wear or how I present myself.
It isn't something that can be put on or taken off.
It is a matter of biological fact, not a feeling or a state of mind.

Please pm me if you would like to move this issue.

I don't have a penis and I've never had a penis. It's that simple.
If you have one then you're not a biological female. If you used to have one then you're not a biological female.
And I don't give a shit what you identify as. You can have it chopped off if you want to call yourself female / a woman and that's fine. But until you lose it then you're still a man in my books.

At the minute it’s sore tits and wanting to rip out the cramping bleeding part of me and stopping myself pacmaning through the bairns chocolate.

Then there’s the menopause to look forward too, where I dry up and my face explodes.

Why the fuck any man wants to be a part of that is beyond me. I already know the answer though, they want to cherry pick the perceived ‘good bits’.

Echoing PP about infertility and miscarriage making me feel like a failure as a biological woman

My body couldn't get pregnant without IVF and my womb can't sustain a pregnancy. I feel like can't do what my body is supposed to be able to do.

Periods
Vaginal issues
Sexual harassment from a young age
Mean girl shit at school

I think that’s pretty much universal and something only women experience ?

There is no other form of female...

If not defined by biology then you are other! 😐.

Well, I was an immature, naive child who over the course of a few months at the age of 12 developed a body you would expect a 50’s Hollywood starlet to have. It was a very bad combination and I ended up being treated appallingly by adult men who should have know better. Fortunately, I’m older and fatter and now enjoy being invisible to men so can go about my business without much hassle.

I’ve found dealing with periods, avoiding pregnancy and actual pregnancy to have been a bloody nightmare. The fear of ovarian and breast cancer. The frustration of trying to find something as mundane as a bra that will fit and not hurt. I’m now freaking out about menopause and what that’s going to be like.

These are things a biological women would experience but I don’t think we should ignore what it’s like to be socialised as a girl or women. And, I think something that is missing from a lot of the gender debate is that I think we are aware females are socially conditioned for the benefit of others, but some of those behaviours associated with women are a good thing. I know I have been guilty of trying to not conform and ended up trying to behave more like men. I think femininity (and I don’t mean floating about in floral frocks) has been hijacked and twisted. I think humanity would benefit if we ditched masculinity as the dominant trait or way of thinking and became more caring and considerate towards each other.

To me, it means that my sex is female- I have the biological characteristics of the sex class of humans which has the potential to become pregnant and give birth.

As others have said, the physical manifestations have included a lot of fluids. ( Autocorrect changed that to floods, which also seems appropriate!). Lots of blood- periods, post-partum, following miscarriages. Checking cervical fluid consistency when ttc. Vomit - all that pregnancy related sickness. Milk. The menopausal sweats are on their way.

Then there's the vulnerability, and that stems from my biology too. Men haven't assaulted my womanly feelings or my make -up techniques, they've always gone for my breasts and genitals. And now there's the creeping fear of realisation that men have found a way to chip away at the tiny amount of protection women have.

So, vulnerable and leaky, it would appear.