To think we used to enjoy choosing a gift for someone/baby showers

[reluctantjogger]

A good friend is pregnant and is already planning the baby shower. People have different opinions on baby showers, and whilst I do think they're a bit of a commercialised US nonsense import, I am of course glad to see the girls for an afternoon so always happy to go along and coo about stuff. I would also generally take a small gift, although as a slightly superstitious type I often buy a gift for Mum and then a gift for baby after delivery.
However, she told me yesterday that on her to do list is to get the gift list ready so she can 'make sure people get the right things for baby' - I managed to keep my mouth shut but honestly thought it was so rude! I would enjoy getting baby a gift because I'm happy for them and their friend, but part of the pleasure for me in giving gifts is the choosing/the not being expected to! Am I being old fashioned and unreasonable?

If families want to kindly buy large items then a gift list makes sense

For smaller gifts from friends id say not, but then most of us tend to buy practical things rather than lots of cute clothes.

I'm not a fan of lists though.

One of my friends sent me a completely random gift ahead of dc1's birth and explained that she didn't give presents ahead of the birth for superstitious reasons. As if that's not something that keeps expectant mothers awake at night anyway without someone rubbing it in that the worst might happen.

Saying that I think lists are an American import too far based on the poor maternity provision in the US. You don't need one for token/nice to have gifts rather than essentials.

I didn’t have a baby shower. I think it’s bad luck, and I don’t have the kind of friendships where I’d automatically expect baby gifts.

But if I had had one, of course I’d have done a list. That’s part and parcel of having a baby shower IMO. You’ll end up with 100 muslins and 8 personalised blankets otherwise, unless you specify no gifts at all.

We ended up with five blankets from our friends even without having a shower, and while they were very nice blankets we only really used two of them and then we felt guilty about the ones we couldn’t find a use for.

I think showers are bad luck. Won't buy a gift until after the baby is born. Lists are tacky. Even worse is telling people to give you money because you reproduced.

It's her baby and her shower if she wants a list so she gets what she needs then that's what u for or don't go if it's that much of a problem it's the way she is doing it do stop complaining just cause u have to get a present u myt not have chosen but there will be different priced items on list but to the lady with the twid great job but u could have put flowers in sink but maybe I were over tired so didn't think what to do and what is up with taking the clothes that u got to many of to charity shop it will do a baby that not got much but taking present back for something else is Abit cheeky but again these people got gifts they did not need there for a list is better as u know the present is going to be used

From what I've seen of the creeping onset of baby showers in the UK (am British but live in US), part of the problem is that people often ignore the rules used in the US that make them less grabby.

So here: you never host your own shower and you never have a shower for a second or subsequent child (unless exceptional circumstances e.g. second child is twins/it's so long since you last had a baby that you no longer have baby stuff AND you are in circumstances that mean you can't afford to buy everything.)

I've only been to one baby shower for a non-first-baby, and in that case it was a baby born a decade after the next oldest child to a single mother with very little money.

Gift lists are sometimes there and sometimes not, although there is really no prejudice here against gift lists so no one would be offended anyway.

People who are better off sometimes ask for a book shower or similar (where people bring their favorite children's book as a gift which is pretty cheap.) This is a way of ensuring guests don't spend too much on a gift for people who already have pots of money.

Personally, I love a list. So much easier. The people who went off list for our wedding almost without exception bought crap we will never use. A waste of their money and more hassle for us exchanging it or donating it. But then I am ruthless about not letting things hang around if I don't need them.