to be pissed off she changed plans and now I'll miss his birthday?

[ladybee28]

Background: Dad has a milestone birthday coming up and I live abroad.

His girlfriend (of about 1 year) called me a few weeks ago to say he told her he missed me, and she was thinking about organising a surprise trip for his birthday to get some sun and visit me.

Lovely.

I've got a super-busy month for various reasons, so we decided on a weekend and I cleared those 4 days to spend with them. I moved a bunch of work stuff to other weekends, and I told her if she needed any help finding a hotel etc (not a lot of space in our apartment) then to let me know and I'd get on the case.

And that was that. I didn't hear anything more from her until last night I messaged her to see if everything was going ok with plans.

She then tells me she's booked them a city break elsewhere for the weekend AFTER the one she and I agreed on, and would I like to come? Or would I like to fly back to London to be at his birthday dinner on his actual birthday (again, can't do it due to work)?

No, I can't come, because I've now arranged my month around something that isn't happening, and as the rest of the month is so packed, it's made it really hard for me to be able to see my dad around this big birthday.

At the end of the day I can always book him a ticket to come out next month and hang out, or I can go visit him another time.

One way or another I'll see my father – I'm just really annoyed she changed plans and didn't tell me. If I hadn't messaged her to check in on hotels I still wouldn't have known now... AIBU?

Tell her what you've told us. That you went to a hell of a lot of trouble arranging things for that weekend and it was unfair of her to have changed it all around without telling you.

MIL does this. Asks for DH's holiday dates for the family holiday (we pay our own way but she books) then changes the dates to when he is working (the only worker in the whole family) to suit non-working SIL and family who could go anytime. Then tells DH to take the week off work instead when he only has 5 days a year he can choose. (The rest are set times, like teachers) So we have a choice. Lose the deposit and upset the children or force DH to use his only days, the week after he's had 4 weeks off work.

Your DF's GF is bloody ignorant.

Book a flight to go and see him on the weekend you had planned for him to visit you. Speak to your Dad about it directly and make a big fuss about him.

Tell her exactly how you feel and u're out of pocket and arrange everything around this time and then she doesn't inform u of change of plans she should have been told to change her plans as she made urs first and also tell ure dad ure not happy of arrangements u had made to come see him and this happened and tell at least u were making an effort for his birthday and u will not bother in future and u find unfair ure out of pocket etched should reimburse you and make sure you get ure point across he must have known u were coming so he should have told his latest fancy price he couldn't go on that date as u were visiting but maybe she didn't tell him